Starstruck

Eight, seven, six, five...

You don't have to kiss me or anything.

Genuinely didn't cross my mind.

Hmm, shall we split this or should I-I put some money into your account?

No, it's fine, don't worry.

He's a famous actor and you're a little rat nobody.

Loved you in the Avengers. I wasn't in that.

Harsh but it's true.

Oh, my God, stop trying to win at kissing.

Um, can you stop trying to win at kissing?

There is a reason actors date other actors.

Dating someone like you will most likely ruin a girl's life forever.

It's just the cleaner. Yeah, sorry.

Wow, you're a true romantic, Cath.

It's like one of those animal shows

where you see a labrador and a hedgehog who are friends.

Yeah, but people don't think that.

Obviously you would say that, you're the fucking labrador.

Ow.

I'm busting my arse to stay in a city I'm not even from.

It's not like I have any family here either.

I don't have a person.

I think I have to go home.

Come to Ireland with me.

Come to New Zealand with me.

No, don't leave.

Stay here.

I can't.

So what do we do?

Dunno. Be friends?

Cheers, pal.

You're welcome, friend.

This stop is Charing Cross Station.

Change here for services to Heathrow,

terminals one, two and three.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

I dunno what to do. Oh!

What can I do? No, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

It's so much money, isn't it?

So much money and I had a whole plan. I had it planned out.

I had the window seat, I booked two window seats for both the flights

and a gluten-free meal.

A gluten free meal 'cause I don't even eat gluten free,

but I-I-I know that they come out first.

And I was gonna watch Dunkirk

and so now I guess I'll just never watch Dunkirk now.

We can watch Dunkirk. On the ground?

In a house? Don't be ridiculous, man.

Jeez!

Oh, God.

It's just, it's just... I don't really...

I've never done this... I've never done this before.

Do you wanna see if you can still make it?

Do you think I should?

No.

No, no, because me neither, me neither cause I think it's good

and I made a decision and it's fine

and I'm an adult and I'm sticking with it.

I can make decisions, 'cause I-I am in control of my destiny,

and this is a, it's just a crazy decision that I made.

Did... Is this a crazy decision?

Yes. I knew it. I so knew it.

But I'm glad you made it.

Stopped me from doing something crazy.

An airport chase would've been horrible.

You know I have a bad knee.

Yeah. You shouldn't run on a bad knee.

So, um, let's just...

Oh, God. Let's just...

Yeah? Take things one step at a time.

OK. Take it slow.

Slow. Yeah, slow. I can do slow.

Let's get some breakfast. Yeah. Yeah.

Yum. Yeah, good.

Great. Thank you.

OK? Great. No. Slow, it's fine.

That's it. Where are my bags?

Where are my bags?

Ah. Where did you put my bags?

Uh, OK, um, we...

Oh, no. We probably... No, no, no, it's OK.

No, no, no. No, no, no, don't.

Where's the bus? Where's... where is it going?

Where are you going? The bus, it went that way.

I don't know. Why is it that way? OK, fine.

Hey, stop. Stop, stop, stop.

Whoo, stop. Stop.

Whoo, thank God.

Ooh.

Ahh. Thank you. Ahh. Ha.

Thank you!

I've never seen anyone move... I'm not a natural runner.

I've got flat feet. You were like a penguin, I dunno.

Can you believe no-one stole my bag?

Yeah.

What? They're good bags.

Oh, no, no, no, it's my... No, no.

No, no, it's my... I said I was gonna get this.

No, it's our first date. Let me pay.

Oh! Ew.

OK. Thanks, guys.

Thank you.

Is this what people usually do on a first date?

You've never been on a first date before?

No.

I actually prefer just to bump into someone,

like, a number of times over the course of a year

and then just... just not get on a plane for them.

Long con.

Well, usually you make small talk, and then get to know each other.

OK. OK. Alright, well, hello.

Hi.

My name is Jessie. I am 21 years old.

21?

Yes, don't ask, uh, for any ID but I don't remember 9/11.

OK. Um, are your parents mad that you've run off with an older man?

No.

Are you gonna call them? Um, yeah.

No, I mean it's just probably late there

so I'll ring them in the morning but, yeah, it'll be good.

It'll be fine. They'll be fine with it.

I mean, they paid for the tickets, so maybe they'll be annoyed.

Little bit annoyed. But, no, they'll be good.

They'll be, they'll be good. They'll get it.

I mean, Mum did change the sheets in the spare room

so, weirdly, that is a thing she would probably get weirdly mad about.

But, um... (LAUGHS) No, she... Yeah. Oh, yeah, they'll be good.

They'll be good.

So, um, what do you wanna do?

Do you wanna go back to your flat?

Uh, no.

You wanna come back to mine?

Um, ah. I...

No, because, I mean, I'm... I'm just having a good time being out and...

Out and about in London.

Like, how often do you find yourself in the middle of London?

Quite often.

I just... I think we should just keep doing something.

Like, let's just do something fun. We'll do something fun.

Swinging London, baby.

Like we could just do something and just keep moving forward

and I think if we keep moving forward

this is all just gonna feel a bit more normal

'cause I'm feeling a bit... bit... Yeah, yeah.

OK. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah?

Let's move. Yeah, let's do it.

Oh... what the fuck?

Why am I back on a bus?

You wanted to go sightseeing. Oh, God.

I didn't wanna go on a bus!

Ahh!

First time in London.

Why aren't you ringing me from a fucking plane to Ireland?

Yeah, look, something's come up.

I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it.

Where the fuck are you? I'm coming to get you.

No, no, don't do that. Yeah, no, I am.

Drop me a fucking pin, darling.

Drop the pin. Everything's fine.

Drop it!

Don't smile. Really?

Yes.

But you're gonna draw me smiling in the...

'Cause I'd... I'd like to look happy in any way.

That's, like, a request.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, don't, look straight at me, please.

Sorry.

They're fantastic. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my... Excuse me, don't smile. Hands down.

OK. Look at me. Don't look at this.

Oh, my God! Don't...

My God.

Do you know him?

Look, I'm really sorry, it's just not a good time. There's a lot of...

You wanted to make this pretentious film. I wanted to make some money.

I want to do the film, of course I do.

You know this is bullying?

This is workplace bullying.

Can't I just go first thing tomorrow?

No!

Well, something's come up

and I'm not gonna be able to make that flight.

I'm feeling very stressed!

I love you.

What do you think? Nice.

Yeah, you like it?

Did you ask to be on a jet ski?

No, that was the artist's own choice, but I do like it.

Oh, also, he hooked me up with tickets to Magic Mike Live.

Sick!

A ticket scalper AND a caricature artist.

Yeah, very multi-talented. (LAUGHS)

Who was that on the phone?

Ah, no-one, just work.

Is everything OK? Yeah, all good.

So you're taking me to dinner and a show?

No dinner, just a show.

I've spent the last of my money on this, so I better see some titties.

Uh, gross.