Blood Fest

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Trick or treat.

Mom, why do we watch these movies?

Maybe because we're not supposed to.

And they're fun.

I thought these movies were scary.

They are... so scary that most people would

close their eyes or run away.

But we don't.

When the shadows are dark, and the music is creepy,

and you know you should close your eyes, we take a peek...

boo!... and laugh because now you know.

Know what?

That you're stronger than anything you're afraid of.

Pretty cheesy, Mom.

I'm going to check in on Jeanie.

OK.

You two continue to scare yourself silly.

Thanks, babe.

Chocolate milk?

Yeah.

Mom?

No jumping out at me, OK?

Mom?

Honey?

Dax?

Dax!

Don't look, Dax.

Don't look!

Easy boy, Karloff.

"Blood feast."

It actually sounds kind of boring.

Boring? Come on, Sis.

"Blood Feast" is a Herschell Gordon

Lewis cinematic classic, OK?

Blood Fest, the thing that I'm going to,

is the greatest horror event of all time.

It's gonna suck.

Whatever, Jayme.

Dax?

Will you come to my office, please?

Hey, shut the fuck up.

Cheers!

Hey, you, uh, wanting to see me?

You know, I'm being interviewed on Network News

tonight.

It's kind of a big deal.

I really want you to be there.

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

I... I'll, uh, I'll try to come.

I'm going to be talking about Blood Fest...

how I and my family are totally opposed to it,

how no child of mine would ever set foot on those grounds.

You understand?

Mm-hmm.

Good.

Then, uh, you won't be needing this.

Wait a minute, I...

look, I think I'm old enough to make my own decision.

You live in my house.

I don't understand this obsession with violence, Dax.

Dad, it's... it's movies.

I don't know what to tell you.

It poses as entertainment, but it's

these kind of movies that drove my patient to kill your mother.

How do you not see that?

This isn't about her.

Please, don't... don't do that.

Blood Fest is a gathering of freaks and degenerates

celebrating mindless violence and gore.

Blood Fest is the gathering

of freaks and degenerates celebrating

mindless violence and gore.

It's going to be extraordinary!

Blood!

Blood!

Blood Fest!

Legendary field producer, movie promoter,

and lover of all things horrific, Anthony Walsh,

invites you to run for your life!

Blood Fest!

We've taken a 700-acre ranch in the middle

of nowhere and recreated the most iconic

of cinematic horror locales.

Don't miss the biggest names in horror,

celebrity panels, and the most outrageous parties.

Recent additions include the Original Arborist, Roger

Hinckley, the cast and crew of "Hell's Nest,"

and late night karaoke with Zachary Levi.

Get inside the gates before sundown Halloween night.

ANNOUNCER (ON COMPUTER): Blood!

Blood!

Blood Fest!

Brought to you by Walsh Corporation.

You've got to stop watching that.

You're torturing yourself.

We'll find another ticket.

The whole thing has been sold out for months.

Scalpers are charging more money than I have pores.

Yo! Yo!

Yo!

Y'all see my Overwatch post?

I hacked the game code, got all badass on ultimate skills.

Three new subscribers.

None of them relatives.

Boom, boom, bah.

Morning, Krill.

I'm now ready to forsake my virtual multiverses

for a weekend of Blood Fest.

Plus, I think it's time that I find

the extraordinary lady worthy enough to de-flower me,

the Krill.

It's mind boggling that no one has snatched you up yet.

I know, right? That's what I'm saying.

It's crazy out here.

It's crazy out here in this world, man.

Where... what... what... what...

what's up with him?

His dad found his wristband.

You guys just go ahead without me.

Maybe you should call Ashley.

She could probably get you in.

Oh, please don't mention her, dude.

There's a "Hell's Nest" panel at Blood Fest.

She probably has an extra pass.

I... I... I can't...

I can't believe... It's so wrong.

Ashley Spats... Ashley Spats is at Blood Fest.

And I'm stuck here.

You know, Ashley who thought "Black Christmas" was

a Tyler Perry holiday movie.

You know, sh... sh... she refuses to watch "Seven," because she

didn't see the first six.

OK.

She thought that "28 Days Later"

was a... was a health doc about the fucking menstrual cycle.

Dax, you're pitiful.

Here's something that you really want,

and you're going to let your dad stop you?

He's a... he's a scary guy.

Everyone's dad is a scary guy.

Nut up.

You were made for Blood Fest.

Blood Fest.

I'll call her.

You happy?

Yeah.

That's what I'm talking about!

Pow!

Dax. DAX (ON PHONE): Hey!

Ashley!

Long time no nothing.

DAX (ON PHONE): I just wanted to congratulate you on

your new movie, "Hell's Nest."

Looks like it's going to be awesome.

So you're... you're a... you're an actor in it, right?

You're... oh, God... wha... wha... what are you...

what are you playing again?

Topless girl number four.

Topless girl number four, that's it.

It's a key role.

It's no topless girl number three.

I'd kill for topless girl number three.

Well, you're in a movie.

That's awesome.

You're making your dreams come true.

Uh, if you need, uh, a ride to... uh, to...

Blood Fest, you're more than welcome to, uh...

Uh, I'm actually here already, you know, to emotionally

prepare for the fans.

I'm trying to find a way in.

They have more barbed wire here than an S&M summer camp.

Wait, Ashely, the... the reason I'm calling...

What's taking him so long?

Why doesn't he just ask her?

I've known Dax a long time.

He survived some hard stuff.

And he's got his pride.

Dax is not going a coward just so he can...

Please, Ashley, just... just get me through the door!

I'm literally on my knees begging you, look.

That's me begging.

Do you get it?

Scratch that.

He's cookie dough.

Let's go to Blood Fest!

Why all the rules?

Freddy only kills in dreams, virgins survive.

Michael won't just build a dirty bomb and kill them all.

These rules.

You've got to have rules.

Otherwise, death would be random...

just chaotic and meaningless.

That's life.

If movies were life, no one would buy a ticket.

Blood Fest gates are closing in one minute!

Come on!

The gates are closing!

Let's go!

This is gonna be the best night of my life.