John Henry

Where do you want to go, boy?

Wherever you want to take me, Pop.

- I'ma take you for a ride. - Oh, yeah?

Are you still filming me?

Nah.

Okay, you want something to film?

- Give me something good. - Okay, I'm gonna give you something real good.

Goddamn.

I sure look good in a Cadillac.

I'm gonna be drowning in so much pussy driving this beast,

I'm gonna have to build me an ark.

What you laughing at? Don't laugh in my face.

I'm laughing at you, old man.

Give me that, give me that.

Shouldn't have bought you this shit anyway.

- Now, what you got to say? - That you lucky you my pops.

Otherwise you would've caught these hands. You already know.

Oh! Well, you the best. You the best, Junior.

You know why I named you John Henry?

When you was born,

no more than a few minutes out your mama...

God rest her soul...

the doctor put you in my arms,

and your brand new little hand squeezed my finger so hard

I thought it was gonna snap off.

That day, I said,

"My boy's strong.

My boy's John Henry."

What you gonna do with all that strength, John?

This motherfucker, this motherfucker...

- Mr. Bark. - Wolf tickets.

This motherfucker, this motherfucking wolf, this motherfucker bark.

Whoo!

You about to get your ass busted in some spades.

- Let's go, man. - Let's go, John.

Quentin Tara-negro.

Watch this. I'm about to fuck these niggas up.

This, nigga.

- Let's go. Let's go. - This nigga.

Your hands can be nice all day, nigga, but if I got heat on you,

what you gonna do?

- That's what he said. - Uh. Uh.

I second that. 'Cause I keep two.

I want one of these.

Let me see somethin', man.

Let me see what you look like holding that.

- Get nice with them hands. - Just make sure, man, when you pick up one of them,

you willing to pull that motherfucking trigger.

Look at this shit, man! Shit!

Hell gonna burn my ass for this, man. Fuck!

You gonna do something about this dent, old man. I'm talking about immediately.

This disrespectful motherfucker ain't hear me? Okay.

Oh, now you see me. Yeah, that's what the fuck I thought.

Now, what you gonna do, old man?

What the fuck you gonna do?

- Domino, motherfuckers. - Again.

Oh, man.

You always cheating.

One more hand like this, I'ma have to take little mama to Red Lobster

for them cheddar biscuits, you feel me?

I can buy my own biscuits, motherfucker.

And the doctors say you shouldn't be eating gluten

on account of your hypertension anyway.

- Don't I get a cheat day, baby? - Absolutely.

If you want to die by a cheddar biscuit, have at it.

- Ah, them must be some good biscuits. - It's fire.

Hell, yeah. I'ma start selling biscuits and bitches.

That way, you can hire your sister, nigga,

'cause her pussy taste like biscuits.

How you gonna talk about my sister like I ain't sittin' here?

Yo, quit holding that blunt, motherfucker.

- Pass that shit. Puff, puff, pass. - Man, fuck you.

Fuck you too, nigga.

Anyway, this nigga said Tamika is a compulsive-ass liar.

That bitch lie about everything. You can ask anybody.

You can ask her sister, this nigga.

Everybody know Tamika Lotterberry is a compulsive motherfucking liar.

You see, this nigga ain't saying shit.

When the last time this nigga had his mouth closed about anything?

Feeding time.

Like, this shit is going on under the table, right?

Oh, nigga, but am I lying, though, cuz?

- No. - See? Exactly.

So I take Tamika to Dockweiler Beach, right?

Nice sunny day and shit.

This bitch start the day off telling a lie so foul,

if I said the shit right now, it would open up a new dimension

or some CERN-type shit.

All I'ma say is, this bitch gonna try and tell me

that I didn't see some shit I clearly seen her do,

and the reason was because she said it was a full moon, and motherfuckers see

all kind of crazy shit during a full moon.

I'm looking up, I'm like, "But, bitch, it's daytime."

- You know what I'm saying? - High noon in this motherfucker.

Exactly.

That's what I mean. Unnecessary-ass lies.

Now y'all know me. I'm usually cool, calm,

collected-ass nigga, right?

But this nigga's sister always bring the beast in me.

So I had to tell that bitch that day, "Listen, bitch",

you lucky you my nigga's sister, feel me?

"Or I would shoot your ass where you stand."

This bitch get all hurt feelings about the shit.

She like, "I'm about to call my bro right now."

I was like, "So? Call that nigga."

When she called you and told you what happened, nigga,

your own flesh and blood, nigga, what the fuck you say?

Trip. I said, "You lucky you my sister, or Smoke woulda killed your ass."

I done told her this shit more than once, but she coming to my job, she like,

"Bro, I broke everything in this fucking house."

I'm like, "What the fuck you do that for?"

Exactly. Bragging about that shit like that shit is cool.

Come into my house and broke my goddamn candle I got from Pottery Barn.

That fresh-linen smell.

The nigga got a candle from Pottery Barn. What the fuck?

- I don't know what Pottery Barn is. - Where the fuck you shop at?

- Pottery Barn? - I just said Pottery Barn.

And then she broke my TV. Whatcha gotta say about that?

- My TV. Right. - That's all bad.

My coffee table, nigga. You know the shit you put your rice in?

Real nigga rule number 303:

Never argue with a bitch where you live.

You put that bitch out. What the fuck is wrong? What's on your bird, nigga?

You fucking hear the story?

- We argued, then we fucked like crazy. - Man, fuck all that.

Domino, motherfucker. Low man, get up. Dark.

Shit, I don't give a fuck, man.

Y'all be on some Jerry Springer shit anyway.

That's why I pay for my pussy, my nigga.

I nut, nigga, they leave.

Uh, the fuck you doing?

- Here we go. - I can't try out the new merchandise?

- Fuck no, nigga. I just got these bitches clean. - Baby, hold up.

Let that nigga try the new merchandise.

It ain't like he gonna stretch the bitch out. Nigga dick too small.

You wrong for that, but you kind of right though.

Fuck y'all, man.

Shit, y'all niggas ain't never seen my dick.

But one of these bitches about to.

Fine, but not that one.

Fuck it. I'll take this one then.

- No! - She's a fighter!

Oh, yeah, I'ma have some fun tonight.

- Have fun, my nigga. - Come on, bitch.

What?

Y'all motherfuckers are trash, and you know it.

Oh, nigga.

This bitch...

- Look at this bitch. - Oh, no. Hold up, hold up, hold up.

Tiffany, hold the fuck up. When the last time you wash your fucking feet?

Them shit's black than a motherfucker.

- Man, I took a bath today. - Now, Tiffany,

when you got in the bath, did you get in on your motherfucking hands?