SHIMONETA: A Boring World Where the Concept of Dirty Jokes Doesn't Exist

Damn it, man.

This is some high quality yum-yum.

So bad for me. I can't take it!

Full color, too!

Dude, this one's double-sided!

And in mint condition!

Okay. I'm ready.

Let's break open this dick-sizzler.

Idiot!

You know you can't say dick-sizzler, man!

You said dick-sizzler, too!

Hurry, pack it all up!

We got a hide it before they come!

Decency Squad! Freeze!

No! You can't take my treasure!

We're confiscating every single page

of this unhealthy garbage.

And for your crimes of naughty-talk: Hard labor!

Duration determined by word-severity!

On your feet! Now!

Now burn it all!

Welcome to Japan's glorious future,

where all sexual content and language

have been banned for several decades.

With the advanced surveillance technology of the Peacemakers,

all citizens are now monitored around the clock,

turning everyone into information gatherers

for the PM force,

and obligatory participants in the purification of society.

Thanks to the "Law for Public Order and Morals

in Healthy Child-Raising,"

Japan now enjoys the healthiest public morality in the world.

And here at Tokioka Academy,

Japan's most elite school of public morals,

young men and women learn to carry

the torch of chastity forward to a perversion-free tomorrow.

I've got to pass this entrance exam,

so I can be reunited with Anna!

When a man and a woman love each other,

for better or worse, in sickness and in health,

they hold hands and face each other at a comfortable distance

at least one balloon length apart.

Cleansed of dirty words and vulgar imagery,

today's youth can enjoy happy, healthy lives,

with bedsheets that almost never need washing.

At least, that's how it's been until now.

I can't believe it. I'm really gonna see her again.

Oh, Anna...

What in the hell is wrong with that guy?

Seriously, why's he staring at me?

Is this a perv thing?

Excuse me, young man!

Your knuckles just brushed against my bum bum area!

What? I wasn't anywhere close to your bum bum area,

why would I ever do that, you think I'm some kind of animal?

He's a student at Tokioka, right?

How could he get into that school

if he doesn't know touching women's a crime?

Yeah, it's the PM Age, bro.

He was staring at me the whole time.

It's a false accusation!

Okay, if Anna were here,

she'd never let this injustice stand!

Time to act!

Moyori Station map.

I'll escape through there.

You're gonna pay for--

'Scuse me, ma'am!

I'm the deviant who grazed your bum bum area!

Come on, let's tell the police.

Hey!

Huh? Hold on!

Let go of me, you moron!

What's wrong with you?! You ruined it!

I was about to make some serious money off of that kid!

I knew you were a fake.

Guards! That boy's a criminal!

He touched me in the naughty place!

Stop him! He's ruining civilization!

Did I hear someone say "naughty"?

Who is that?

Oh no, it's her!

Evacuate the station now! Everyone run!

We're under attack! It's Blue Snow!

Great cock and balls!

Huh?

She's a terrorist! Run for your lives!

Cover your ears! Don't listen to her!

Cock-a-doodle my pussy!

Ha! Nothing beats saying dirty words in public!

Except saying them with panties over yo' face!

Stay back, boys!

I'm not wearing anything under this towel!

Grab me, and it'll fall off.

I'll be as naked as the day I was born!

Then anyone who pins me down

will be blackmailed for exposing a woman in public!

I demand liberty from oppression!

Dirty jokes are my civil right!

Now some parting gifts, heavy on the parts!

Whoa!

This is crazy.

What're you doing?

I'll handle things here.

You don't want to be late to your first day of school.

How do you know I--?

Good grief.

Why did I have to get caught up in perv-terrorism

on my first day?

Look. Know who that is?

The transfer from the least moral school in town.

Go on, say something to him.

I'm not ready.

Now a word from your student body President:

The esteemed Anna Nishikinomiya.

To all our new students,

let me first say congratulations for making it in.

As your President,

it's my honor and privilege to welcome you to our school.

I know it goes for all of us.

Whether you are new or you've been here a long time,

we all feel excited and even a little nervous

to start any term at such a prestigious school...

Oh, Anna, you never cease to amaze.

Mister Okuma. Mister Okuma.

Mister Tanukichi Okuma.

Hi, my name is Hyoka Fuwa.

Sorry I know this isn't exactly the normal way to meet,

but I have a vital question to ask you.

Can you please tell me where babies come from

and how they are created?

Huh?

I need to know the physical process

and please, be as detailed as possible.

Why are you asking me that?

You've got the same textbooks I do.

When a man and woman are in love and holds hands like so--

But you're lying to me, just like our entire society does.

Scientifically speaking,

the concept of love is far too vague and difficult to define

to serve as a reliable biological mechanism.

It's my goal to discover the true means of reproduction,

whatever it takes.

I shouldn't be surprised,

but I didn't know Tokioka students

were this clueless about biology.

For days, I conducted research outside the gynecology clinic.

I asked every expecting mother

to tell me what happened to them.

What had caused a baby to grow inside them?

But no one told me anything, and I was banned from the premises.

You don't say.

What is this girl's problem?

I don't know how to answer her.

I know you're an outsider, you're not like the rest of us.

You know the real truth.

So I need you to tell me, please, in the name of science,

and if a verbal explanation's too difficult,

I'll accept a demonstration.

Tanukichi Okuma, right?

My name is Ayame Kajo. This is my second year.

Actually, I'm the Vice President of the Student Council.

Whoa, you are?

We've nominated you to serve as an intern for general affairs.

Would you be so kind as to accompany me to our meeting?

Of course!

May I ask one thing before you go?

My theory is that peni--oops, that was close.

I'll use euphemisms.

I believe a man's cucumber is key to conception.

Can you confirm that?

It's wonderful to meet you, Tanukichi.

I'm Anna,

and as you may have gathered from the assembly, I'm a Year 2.

Right.

As President of the Student Council,

let me first say how overjoyed we are

to finally have you standing here.

We've been looking forward to you joining the school

for a long time.

Speak for yourself, I wasn't looking forward to this at all.

Hey! What the heck are you doing here?!

Don't swear at an upperclassman.

I'm Raiki Goriki, Year 3. I'm The Secretary-Treasurer.

Anyway, now that we're done with introductions,

I'd like to get down to the real business. That okay?

Uh, yeah, sure!

Are you willing to accept your nomination

as intern of the Student Council,

and help protect public morality at this school?

Of course, I'll do anything. Thank you for the chance.

Wow, you're eager.

But why did you guys pick me?

The school I came from ranks dead last in public morality.

That's the reason we chose you.

We're facing a crisis.

And we believe you're perfectly suited to handle it.

Huh?

What I'm about to share with you is highly confidential, okay?

Sure. I won't tell a soul.