Marry F*** Kill

Bind, bed, bury. What is thy will?

Love has all the power,

lust will devour,

and the heart can never be still.

Bind, bed, bury,

Grant Feigen I will.

Love does devour,

lust grabs all the power

and my heart can never be still.

Deyan anay tasa Asmodeus.

Deyan anay tasa Asmodeus.

Deyan anay tasa Asmodeus.

Welcome to Shithole,

population... who gives a fuck?

It's a bus stop, Vickie. What were you hoping for?

Uh... a drug dealer,

a sexy guy up to no good, I mean, I'm not picky.

You know, the bus station of a town

tells you a lot about a place.

Oh, yeah? Well, what's this one telling you?

That people die here. -Vickie!

- That's in really bad taste. - Of boredom, Helen!

They die of nothing but boredom.

Well, I had cell service, but now... nada.

Beth's aunt said she'd meet us here.

Yeah, I'm not exactly worried about getting lost.

- What are you doing? - Planning my escape.

Who would expect anything different from the inventor

of the Double Dutch Exit?

Two middle fingers to the back of their head and I'm gone.

You guys lost? Is there someone here I can direct you to?

Uh, yeah. We're looking for the, uh... Gref House?

Ooh. What you want with the Gref House?

Nothing good happening over there.

Well, our friend Beth lived there.

Oh. The funeral.

Yeah, sorry to hear that.

Well, best get in and out of town as fast as you can.

I try and keep things copacetic around here,

but some folks ain't so friendly.

Thanks for the heads up, Officer...

- Jack. You can call me Jack. - Jack.

You want to head down that way.

You hang a left at the house with the sycamore tree.

It's got a sign out front, makes it clear as day.

Do I know you, son?

Can't see how. -Okay.

Well, have a great day.

My condolences about your friend.

That was weird. -Yup.

Beth lived here?

I mean, it could use a new coat of paint.

And possibly an exorcism.

But the bones look good, and I love an old house.

I hope you mean bones metaphorically.

Hmm. Yeah, do I?

Hmm. -Let's go explore.

Don't chicken out. You owe Beth.

I know.

Welcome! Welcome.

- I'm sorry I didn't meet you. - No problem.

I was getting the house ready for you,

and I just lost all track of time.

Simon. -Hi. Yeah.

Yeah. Beth always told me you were a fashion plate.

My condolences on the loss of your friend.

Thank you.

Aww. -Thank you.

- And to you too. - Yeah. Thank you.

Come here.

Thank you for taking us in.

We're really going to miss her.

I owe it to Beth.

Beth was supposed to attend my funeral,

not the other way around.

Look at me, trapping you on the verandah.

Come in. Come in.

Whoa.

Thanks for suggesting we stay here, Stephanie.

But if it's too much, we could get a hotel.

- No bother at all. - No, no, no. Don't be silly.

You should stay here to be close to Beth.

It'd be what she wanted.

Besides, Cedar Grove isn't the most welcoming of places.

Yeah, you're the second person to tell us that today.

Old town, afraid of the new.

But you're only staying a couple of nights, right?

Just long enough to pay your respects,

and then scoot back to your regular lives.

I mean, sure. After the reading of Beth's will, of course.

She mentioned you in her will?

According to her lawyer, yeah.

Yeah, he reached out to all of us.

That's how we found out that Beth had...

Is that a problem?

No. Just a surprise. -Right.

Uh, well, I'm... I'm sure you all have lots to process,

so... before I go, though...

a little present.

My garden grows on the intersection

of two important ley lines.

They're conduits of the supernatural

and earthly energies.

My plants do some... strange things.

So I warn you, a little goes a long way.

- Thank you. Yeah. So much. - Oh. Yeah. Mmhm.

Hey... It'd warm her heart, you being here.

She spoke about you most of all.

Her one true love.

You're in touch with the universe.

Ugh. This place gives me the ick.

Uh, if you were serious, there is a motel in town.

Ugh! -What?

Vickie's not the only one that gets to have an escape plan.

We'll be fine in this house for a couple of days.

It'll be good for us.

Um, sharing a bed?

With someone I'm also not fucking?

Yeah, hard pass.

Well, I'm not sleeping alone.

I'm happy to bunk with Helen.

And someone can crash in here.

Oh. - What?

It's Beth's bedroom.

You don't think Beth did it in here, do you?

- I don't know. - I didn't want to ask.

My God, it's so Beth in here, you know?

Yeah.

Even after not seeing her for so long, it's like I can...

sense her.

Heh. Not depressing at all.

There are so many photos of us here.

Hmm. She looks so happy.

No one puts up sad photos of themselves.

I should've stayed in touch.

I mean, I sent a couple of texts, but...

I wanted to visit her, but she wouldn't let me.

Yeah, she called and...

asked to meet me in person, but I...

I blew her off.

What did she want to talk about?

I don't know. I never gave her the chance to tell me.

Still, she didn't give you any indication

that she was gonna... you know?

We were on the phone for, like, five minutes.

I would've done something if she had.

- These are from you. - Yeah. From way back.

This makes no sense. Beth hated us.

- Not all of us. - You know what I mean.

After that night, after she walked in on...

and then walked out on all of us.

And then, years later, she comes back here,

builds this shrine to our friendship,

and then, somehow, sweetly leaves us in her will?

It's a fair question.

It was probably the last time she was legitimately happy.

Yeah. I'll take the couch.

Ooh. I got dibs on the big one downstairs.

Fine. The bathtub. Anywhere but here.

You okay to sleep in here, Helen?

Yeah. - I'll get my bag.

Sorry. -No. It's okay.

What? -Marry, fuck, kill.

Oh, my God, Beth. Come on.

Not that stupid game again, please.

Marry me...

and I'll fuck you.

And then what? Someone dies? No, thanks.

We can fuck just fine

without anyone dying.

But marry.

Call me old-fashioned, Grant,

I just...

I want to wait, okay?

Okay.

Fuck this shit.

Cedar Grove might be weird as fuck,

but they make a good pie.

What was that game we always used to play at pizza nights?

Mm... fuck all your friends?

- Before that. - Marry, fuck, kill.

Oh. -Right.

- Ding, ding, ding. - Beth was obsessed with it.

You know, she told me once it had roots

in some old Wiccan spell.

Come on. It's a mean and silly game.

- How could it be a spell? - Was it that the...

the repetition of marry, fuck, kill,

marry, fuck, kill, it...

summons something from the other side?

No, no, no. That's Bloody Mary.

You say it three times and she appears.

Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary.

Oh, no, no, no, I remember the original spell was

bed, bind, bury.

And it was both a love and a hate spell.

Love and hate. Boring. But bed, now that I can get into.

- You're so predictable. - Helen, you're up.

Oh. -Marry, fuck, kill.

Hmm. -No thinking, just say it.