The Comedy

Whoo!

No bedsores?

Clear.

No pulse?

Clear.

Why do you keep having to push them buttons?

Sometimes things need to be reset.

Did you ever have to reset a prolapsed anus?

Do you even... Do you know what that is?

Have you ever... Have you ever had to deal

with a prolapsed an... anus?

Chief?

Did they teach you that in nurse school?

You and the ladies get that lesson?

I'll tell you what. I'll give you a little lesson on it.

A prolapsed anus is when the anus, which is a muscle, gives

out, after years of abuse.

Comes out of the rear and hangs like a, like a slack bag of tissue.

Like a purse that you might have... A nurse would have.

Can you imagine what it would take to make your anus do that?

A lot of butt fucking.

The old man's probably got a prolapsed amus... anus.

Anus and Andy.

Nothing?

Famous anus cookies.

Anything there?

So you change my dad?

You put diapers on him and clean his asshole, and take...

Put his shit in a bag, throw it out, put it down the toilet?

Pretty cool.

Pretty cool way to live.

I wonder if my dad's shit has ever gotten under your

fingernails, and then you forgot, and you are driving

home, worrying about... worrying about your life, and you start

biting your fingernails, and his shit gets in your mouth.

You got to be careful.

Make sure you wash them hands.

Okay.

Adios.

Yeah.

What's up?

I know, but we can bring something else in, right?

Do we need something with evergreens that's gonna last...

I just want you to look at this bush here because

it's looking really... It's pretty bad.

Yeah, I don't know if there's a bug on it.

Look at the leaves on there.

And it's all been chewed, and it's unbalanced.

It doesn't fit.

Yeah, and it's blocking this thing here.

Most of when you get the flies, they... the cuts are much more round.

That could be the larvae going through it.

But I remember a grapevine... It's comin' along, huh?

Yeah, yeah, looks great. Getting there.

Good job.

Hey, what are these?

These are looking very weedy.

Those are out of here, right?

I love the black-eyed Susan.

"Nadar la piscina", I guess.

"Nadar la piscina."

- Yeah, yeah, sure. - It's my guys here don't speak any English.

They keep saying, "nadar la piscina, nadar la piscina!"

"Swim in your pool."

So they're always going to me "nadar la piscina?"

That's great. "Can we swim in their pool?"

I go, "well, you know, it's private property, I'd have to ask."

Yeah, it's gotten hot out here for sure.

This is looking a little troubled over here.

This one's shading it so badly.

Let's get more light under it.

What do you say if me and my guys took a quick little dip?

What do you think?

They want to swim.

Why not?

I suppose.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Sure.

Once they've finished here.

They're gonna mow before they go, as well, right?

We can get you some towels. The housekeeper will get you some towels.

No, that's fine.

Yeah.

I had a great day.

I went to the shopping mall.

I feel so good about hanging out with my best friends today.

Who are your best friends?

All my loved ones are in this room.

I want to thank everybody for being so kind and considerate.

How about a round of applause just for the five of us?

I respect my friends that come to my house that has an artistic vibe.

Obviously, the host of this house cares about

art and the visual space and the energy within, and

he respects all his friends that he invites over here equally.

I love when I go to my friend's house and their

bathroom's really, really clean.

There's not pubic hair on the rim of the toilet seat.

I'm with you on that.

Yeah.

Oh, and speaking of bathrooms, I wanted to confess something.

I used... you have a box of always feminine wipes in there, and I used a couple.

Just... my clitoris was really messy.

So I had to wash up.

You have these terrific comedic instincts, and then you

immediately sabotage them with the worst follow-up.

The worst?

A terrible sense of humor.

So you know all comedians ever, so you are qualified to

say what is the absolute worst. You've heard all comedians ever.

No, it's in my opinion.

Well, then you can't use an absolute term like "the worst."

I can do whatever I want.

Then give me a French kiss.

Well, fine, who disagrees?

Does he have a terrible sense of humor?

Does he?

Absolutely.

The cool thing about a group of

friends is that you got the smart one, the

cool one, the musical one, and the funny guy.

And that just makes it, like, a well-rounded cool group,

you know, to hang out with at my house.

We're like the... The avengers.

God, you were supposed to say something funny.

That was your cue to, like, boom, good joke.

I want to take this moment to just acknowledge how strong

of a bond and what a great sense

of community I feel amongst everybody here.

I mean, I really appreciate all the support, and I appreciate,

you know, the friendship honestly, so God bless ya.

Let me say it, I never... I never had a family, okay?

Because my parents, as you guys know, died really early on.

I was raised in foster homes.

This is my family.

Here's to my family.

You are so special.

You are so special to us.

You are so important to my life.

I need you.

I don't say that to... I don't say that to anybody.

I mean, I would say it.

I'd say it to all four of you.

Three syllables, I need you.

Hey, let's put 'em up here.

I'm not fucking toasting him.

To the four of us here.

Thank you, cheers. Bottoms up.

Bottoms up, everybody.

Anyway, I was thinking, like, how in terms of socialism,

well, 'cause, you know, there's this whole thing with like,

a socialist state, you know, situation."

And honestly people don't really even understand that

there's many versions of that.

Well... I-I think there's a third way.

Is this the middle finger that's about to emerge?

Well, I think people gave up too early on feudalism.

Oh.

Yeah.

You know, you know, there's this theory that there's, like,

a large percentage of the population of human beings on the planet

that don't have, like, conscious thought.

Oh, you mean like a unique... unique thought.

Like, yeah, they're just drones.

They just go to the river, you know, you look... like Bangladesh

or something, and they just, like, go to the river and have

their week's worth of laundry on their head... or a basket...

And they just fucking wash their shit, and that's all they think.

It's like, "well, today I'm gonna wash my laundry,

but I'm not gonna think about,

you know, like, why am I here or anything."

But, I mean, the unfortunate thing is, like, that our...

Our politics and our garbage affects those people,

but they're not actively... - So you're saying you wish that

everybody was on that level. So, you're a socialist.

No, I think that there's some people

that deserve to be... To have their life... Their life is better

because they deserve it. - Oh, I see.

Oh, I see.

I mean, because they're... They're picked by God.

Ordained, sovereigned.

Yeah, yeah, the idea... they are genetically chosen

to be on top of the fuckin' food chain. Wow!

I'm sorry.

You're blowing my mind.

Because it's very unpopular.

Yeah, I think it's... yeah, it's generally considered...

And it's not racism either. That's the trick.

Oh, it's just... It's just human.