Husbands

One, two, three, four, nine. Here we go!

- Go! Go! - Go!

I suppose this is proper, all these big cars and chauffeurs.

Black, shiny cars.

Seems dopey for a guy like that.

Well, I guess that's what they do. People get symbolic over death.

They get very formal, and it's really ridiculous.

Because it's probably the most humiliating thing in the world.

But I feel very relaxed.

People die of tensions. That's all they die of, Gus.

That's the truth. Did you know that?

I know it, and it's something I'm never gonna forget.

Don't believe truth. Just don't believe truth.

Archie, I'm telling you, don't believe truth.

That is the truth, now. You see, the truth will never kill you.

Lies will. Not cigarettes. Not alcohol.

Lies, Gus. Lies and tensions. That'll kill you.

That'll kill you before cancer in the heart. Did you know that?

Now, give me a cigarette, will you? Give me a cigarette.

- What, now? - Yeah, now.

And give me a match too. I don't have any matches.

I don't know if I have a match.

I don't think I have a match.

- I don't have any. - I don't have a match.

Harry.

You got a match?

Let us be grateful for the smiles.

Let us not think of sadness.

Let us bury this man, who has gone noisily through life...

and made a quiet exit.

Who found time for the smallest child

and for the oldest man.

Who found time in his life to make room for your lives.

A man who was respected and honored and loved

by the fellow members of his community.

When we speak of a man that's naive and full of innocence,

we think naturally of Stuart Jackson.

I recognize some, I don't know others, but I know one thing:

That you're all saddened.

Saddened by the loss of what we all consider a great, great friend.

Not a friend in need, particularly.

Not a friend giving to a friend.

Not really there to listen.

But a person who made you feel that you belonged.

This was a man beloved by his dear wife and beloved by his two children,

who now have a great void to fill in their lives.

This Stuart...

This Stuart, a man with so many friends...

as you see here today,

that are deeply, deeply affected by his loss.

Let us offer God our prayers for his eternal soul.

And now, a silent prayer.

A silent moment to recognize Stuart Jackson.

I'm so glad...

So glad you could come.

Oh, please!

I didn't like it.

I didn't like what he said.

- I'm not going home. - It moved me, but I resented it.

- 'Cause what he said, he said nothing. - You know what I resented?

- I mean, say this: Just say he was funny. - Gus...

- You know what I resented? - Say he was a funny man.

There's a dead man laying there, and she's moved, you know that.

'Cause if you can't say the right thing when a man dies...

But you don't talk about insurance at a time like that.

- Then what the hell is it all about? - Not at a time like that.

You don't talk about insurance. You understand? Not at a funeral.

One thing: He was a clown. Say he was a clown,

say he died too young, and that's all, and that's it.

- You understand what I mean, Gus? - Look, it's done.

It was done wrong, but it's done. So be it.

Well, I'm not going home.

So we'll...

I'm gonna get very drunk.

Whatever.

I'll trade you coats even-up!

- Yeah. - Yeah. Listen.

- Yeah. - Listen.

What?

- Well, what are we gonna do? - Well, we can do anything we wanna do.

So what do you wanna do? I mean, what do you prefer to do?

I mean, if you had a preference?

Well, I'd be a professional athlete, because they really put out.

And they got no excuses, and they feel good, and they get sweaty.

You know, you have a beer, and you're with guys you like.

I was gonna be a basketball player.

I had all the moves. I was quick enough. Too short.

I love baseball, I love golf,

I love pool, I love track,

I love ping-pong, I love volleyball, I love badminton.

What else is there?

Football.

Lacrosse. Now, there's a hell of a game.

What are we gonna do?

Harry, you don't care. Archie, I'd like to know how you feel.

You know, it's a terribly... It's a terribly sad thing

when a man reaches around 27,

the years are going by, and then he realizes

that he's never gonna be a professional athlete anymore.

And then you reach 30...

and then you know it's over,

and then you begin to watch other athletes,

and you begin to see when they're gonna give out.

- Do you ever feel that way? - I've felt that.

The legs go at 35. The legs.

I got a hell of an idea. Let's have a light breakfast.

You know what I mean?

Why a light breakfast?

Why not a heavy breakfast?

Oh, Harry.

Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry.

I'm hungry.

Light breakfast.

Everything's light.

You get your money?

- I got everything. - Okay.

Where we going? We got 40 stops.

You're right.

Forty more stops. The man is right again.

I love basketball.

But I'm too short.

You want to play?

And without my shoes, I'm shorter!

I want to play.

I'll race you to the corner. Walking, no running.

- For how much? - A dime.

- A dime. You're on. - You ready?

- Yeah. - Get set.

Get set! Go!

Hey!

Hup!

Give back the ball.

That's it.

Got it!

Okay, here we go!

Oh. Come on. Come on, Harry.

Come on, Harry. Put it up.

I hate basketball.

And besides, I have a theory about people who play to win.

It's the only reason to play. Otherwise, why keep score?

First we have to play games, then we have to see who wins.

We've been up for 24 hours,

and we're gonna get ourselves the same as Stuart.

Ah, it's good for you. Sweat it all out.

- Wanna go home, Harry? - No.

I'm never going home.

All right, then. Let's have a drink.

Here's to Joe. Here's to Joe.

- Joe. - Here's to Joe.

To Joe.

To Joe.

All right. Next.

Charley?

I'm not any Joe, but...

maybe the original soul.

All right, next.

That was terrific. I'm sorry.

Gus, you broke the rules.

- Who's next? - Gotta keep the rules. No talking.

- Tony. Tony's next. - No, Gwen.

- Gwen. - Gwen is next.

Gwen, you go.

- I don't know any more. - Give her a hand. Let's have a drink.

Terrific. Terrific! Terrific!

Beautiful.

Okay.

- We're terrific. - Terrific.

Who's next?

- He's next. - No, no. Ladies first.

Now, this is First World War.

Wonderful. Wonderful.

- All right. All right. - Leola.

- My Leola's next. - Who's next?

No, no, ladies first. Leola.

- Go ahead, John. - Go, John.

Go, John.

I love it.

I love it.

I'd like to hear that one again. Can I hear that one again?

Bill was all right, but...

I mean, I have nothing against Bill. It's just that...

I have a song that means...

Well, it takes life.

You'll see what I mean.

It means life.

Bravo!

Okay, all right.

You're right. You know something? She felt a rejection. Let's sit down.

Hold it here, here, here, here.

- Violence is out. - Sit down.

- Wait a minute. - Violence is out.

- Sit down, sit down. - This contest is not over,

and this contest is going to continue.

- Look, just to show you how... - Make sure of that.

How wild this party is...

- Who threw that glass? - Wait a minute.

Number one, who threw that glass? I'm gonna leave here.

I'm gonna leave here.

Leola!

Terrible.