Mancation

OH, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

- SHOCK DEW! - YES!

- ( groans ) - KEEP 'EM COMING, SWEETHEART.

- ( laughs ) - WHAT'S UP?

YOU WANNA GO, GRIMACE? YOU FEEL STRONG? LET'S DO THIS.

- I AIN'T SCARED OF YOU. - COME ON, SIT DOWN. RELAX.

- ALL RIGHT. - DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE THE BIG BLUE OX OVER THERE?

- OKAY, LET'S GO. WE'VE GOT SHOTS TO DO HERE. - FUCK THAT GUY.

ALL RIGHT. GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE ASSEMBLED HERE TONIGHT

TO CELEBRATE VINCE,

EVEN THOUGH MY WEDDING AND MARRIAGE WAS PRETTY MUCH NOT ENJOYABLE

AND I TRY TO FORGET IT AS MUCH AS I POSSIBLY CAN.

ADAM OVER HERE OBVIOUSLY WILL PROBABLY NEVER GET MARRIED. IS THAT RIGHT, ADAM?

I WOULD MUCH SOONER CUT MY OWN DICK OFF WITH A RUSTY PIE TIN.

- AH. YOU'RE A POET. - Man: ALL RIGHT.

MARRIAGE IS A LOT OF WORK

AND ANYTIME THAT YOU NEED ANY HELP--

AND YOU KNOW, I MEAN HELP WITH CYNDI--

I AM HERE TO ROUND OUT THE TRAIN ON HER.

- ( all laugh ) - I'M JUST MESSING WITH YOU. REALLY SERIOUSLY,

SHE'S A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, AN AMAZING WOMAN.

NOW WHEN WE HAD THE REHEARSAL DINNER,

SHE ACTUALLY TOLD ME THAT NOTHING TURNS HER ON MORE

THAN A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED CLEVELAND STEAMER.

- OH, COME ON. - THAT'S ROMANTIC. THAT'S--

- YOU'RE THE WORST! - OH, BUT NO, SERIOUSLY, REALLY,

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE A FINE MAN

- WITH A VERY SMALL PENIS. - THANK YOU.

- TO VINCE! - TO VINCE.

YEAH, BACHELOR FUCKING PARTY!

OH, REALLY?

LOVELY LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

CLUB RISQUE WOULD LIKE

TO WELCOME A VERY SPECIAL GUEST

- IN OUR V.I.P. SECTION THIS EVENING. - THAT'S NOT GOOD.

- I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT. - HE'S GETTING

- MARRIED IN THE MORNING. - Crowd: BOO!

Emcee: COME ON, COME ON.

- I KNOW. HE'S A FUCKING MORON. - Man #2: YEAH!

BUT HIS FRIENDS HAVE DECIDED

TO MAKE SURE THAT THIS IS HIS LAST NIGHT OF-- AND I QUOTE--

"BEING WAIST-DEEP IN POON

LIKE HE'S FLY-FISHING FOR THAT SHIT."

- THAT'S ME. - SO, MR. VINCENT REYNOLDS,

SIT BACK AND ENJOY

THE LOVELY SIENNA.

( men applauding, cheering )

- ( rock music playing ) - Men: YEAH YEAH YEAH!

- ( whooping ) - Man #2: ALL RIGHT, YEAH!

OH MY.

- HUH HUH? - ( chuckles )

WHOA.

HI.

OH, SHE'S-- HI.

- SIENNA, IS IT? - MM-HMM.

- YOU'RE VERY FIT. - SHUT UP.

OKAY. THANKS, GUYS.

( soft rock music playing )

HEY HEY HEY!

- LOOK AT YOU? BIG MAN ON CAMPUS. - HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD TO SEE YOU. - YOU TOO.

- CONGRATULATIONS, BIG BROTHER. - DUDE, THANK YOU.

YOU'RE CUTTING IT KINDA CLOSE.

YOU REALIZE YOU'RE IN A WEDDING IN SIX HOURS, RIGHT?

YEAH, BUT MY TRAIN WAS LATE. IT WASN'T MY FAULT.

- I'M KIDDING. - OH HEY, WHO GETS MARRIED ON A FRIDAY, ANYWAY? HUH?

- ALL RIGHT, GET IN. - OKAY.

OH OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED.

- ( laughs ) - WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

OH, UH, NOTHING. I JUST-- YOU KNOW,

- WITH YOUR CAREER AND YOUR SCHEDULE. - YEAH WELL,

YOU KNOW, CYNDI'S A VERY BUSINESS-SAVVY WOMAN.

SHE KNOWS WHAT IT TAKES TO BE THE BEST.

- HER FATHER DID IT. - REALLY?

SO I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I JUST GOT LUCKY.

YEAH, SPEAKING OF GETTING LUCKY,

- HMM? - ( laughs ) WHAT ARE YOU, 12?

- WHEN'S THE HONEYMOON GONNA BE? - YOU-- YOU DO REALIZE

WE'VE HAD SEX BEFORE, RIGHT? I MEAN, WE'VE LIVED TOGETHER FOR LIKE A YEAR.

OH. YEAH, I JUST-- DUH.

I KNOW, I JUS-- WHERE-- WHERE'S IT GONNA BE?

NOWHERE YET. I'VE GOT A BIG MERGER ON MONDAY,

SO WE'RE GONNA DO A STAY-AT-HOME HONEYMOON KIND OF THING.

MMM, NICE. EXOTIC. OOH.

HEY, THAT'S THE EX-- WHY ARE WE GOING THIS WAY?

I'VE GOT TO PICK UP THE FLOWERS AT STEIN'S.

BUT-- SERIOUSLY, REBECCA IS YOUR FLORIST?

YEAH, WHY WOULDN'T SHE BE? SHE'S A GREAT FLORIST, AWESOME FRIEND.

YEAH, BUT, COME ON, VINCE.

I'VE ALWAYS SEEN THE WAY YOU'VE ALWAYS LOOKED AT HER.

- GROW UP. - DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING. - Woman: DIDN'T.

- Vince: YES, IT DID. - Woman: IT DIDN'T.

- Vince: YES, IT DID. - NO, THAT'S NOT HOW IT HAPPENED.

YOU'RE A LIAR. YOU LIED.

YOU SAID WE'LL ALL GO TO THE PARTY...

- NO. - ...IN A GROUP COSTUME, AND YOU NEVER SHOWED.

SO I LOOKED LIKE A FOOL, BECAUSE VOLTRON NEEDS

- ALL THE COMPONENTS TO MAKE SETS. - BUT THERE WOULD'VE ONLY

BEEN TWO OF US. THERE WOULD'VE BEEN AN ARM AND A TORSO.

- INSTEAD OF JUST-- YOU KNOW, JUST YOU. - INSTEAD OF JUST ME.

- ( laughing ) - YOU RUINED MY HALLOWEEN. IT STILL HAUNTS ME.

UH, SO YOU WANNA SEE THE BOUQUET?

THE WHAT? OH, YEAH, OF COURSE.

- THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. - YOU GOT SOMETHING GOING ON LATER TODAY? YEAH.

OH, WOW. THAT IS BEAUTIFUL.

THANK YOU. CYNDI'S GONNA LOVE IT.

NO PROBLEM.

- UH, SO LISTEN, I'VE GOTTA GET GOING, BUT... - YEAH.

...AFTER THE RECEPTION, A BUNCH OF US WERE TALKING ABOUT

GOING BACK TO MY HOUSE, KEEP THE PARTY GOING. YOU SHOULD COME.

NO WAY. I DON'T THINK I CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN.

- COME ON, WHY NOT? - WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW,

I'M GOING TO ATLANTIC CITY FOR THE WEEKEND.

- WHEN DID YOU BECOME A PARTY GIRL? - NOT QUITE.

THERE'S A BIG ANNUAL INTERNATIONAL FLOWER SHOW I ALWAYS GO TO,

AND I LOVE TO JOG ON THE BEACH AND THERE'S

A REALLY CUTE RESTAURANT RIGHT BY LUCY THE ELEPHANT.

AND THE OUTLETS ARE GREAT AND THEY HAVE A CANDLE STORE.

- RIGHT. - YOU KNOW, EXCITING STUFF.

YEAH, PARTY GIRL INDEED.

- THAT'S ME. - OKAY. WELL, UMM...

YEAH YEAH, I'M GONNA GO HOME AND GET CHANGED IN A LITTLE BIT.

- GREAT. - I'M NOT GONNA BE WEARING THIS.

RIGHT. WELL, I'LL-- I'LL SEE YOU THERE.

OKAY.

HEY, UH, WHO ARE THE JAPANESE GUYS?

THEY'RE EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN WORKING FOR.

VANDERPLATT FLEW THEM OUT A FEW DAYS BEFORE THE MERGER.

IN THE JAPANESE CULTURE, THERE ARE FEW HIGHER HONORS

THAN BEING INVITED TO THE WEDDING

OF AN ASSOCIATE'S DAUGHTER.

THOSE GENTLEMEN HOLD CONTROLLING INTEREST

IN THE YAKITORI ALGINATE CONCERN.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

THEY'RE THE PACIFIC'S

LEADING PURCHASER AND RESELLER OF SEAWEED.

YOU KNOW, FEW PEOPLE REALIZE THAT SEAWEED IS ACTUALLY

- A MULTI-BILLION-- OKAY. - I REALLY DON'T CARE.

SHE LOOKS GORGEOUS, MAN.

- CONGRATULATIONS. - THANKS.

CRAP.

HEY, I KNOW IT'S TYPICALLY A BEST-MAN THING,

BUT VANDERPLATT WAS KIND OF HOPING TO DO THE TOAST.

I MEAN, IF IT'S A BIG DEAL, LET ME KNOW. I CAN TALK TO HIM.

NO, IT'S-- IT'S FINE.

SERIOUSLY, I MEAN HE'S PAYING FOR THE WHOLE THING, RIGHT?

I DIDN'T PLAN ON ANYTHING, ANYWAY, SO NO SWEAT.

THANK YOU. I OWE YOU BIG TIME.

- DIDN'T PLAN ANYTHING OUT, HUH? - ( chuckles )

- ( whispers ) NICE CALL ON THE BOW. - THANK YOU.

- DAD. - ( chuckles )

CALL ME THAT AGAIN AND I'LL KILL YOU.

OKAY.

THAT WENT WELL.

- HEY, YOU LOOK GORGEOUS. - THANK YOU.

Vanderplatt: WHEN I FIRST MET VINCE,

I WAS TAKING A CASUAL VISIT TO THE 12th FLOOR

TO MAKE MY VERY SUBTLE, QUIET PRESENCE KNOWN

- TO MY EMPLOYEES. - ( all laugh )

THOSE ARE THE ACCOUNTANTS LAUGHING RIGHT NOW.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

BACK TO VINCE. THIS FRESH-FACED YOUNG MAN

JUMPS OUT OF A CUBICLE THAT I COULD ONLY DESCRIBE

AS THE MOST ORGANIZED CUBICLE

YOU HAVE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE. IT SHOULD BE IN A MUSEUM.

AND HE THRUST THIS CLAMMY HAND INTO MINE

AND HE SAYS, "MR. VANDERPLATT,

I FULLY INTEND TO BE THE MAN

TO SPEARHEAD THE MERGER

BETWEEN US AND THE YAKITORI ALGINATE CONCERN."

I LOOK AT HIM AND I SAY,

"YOUNG MAN,

I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THAT."

THEN ABOUT A YEAR AGO THIS YOUNG MAN COMES OUT TO ME AND SAYS,

"MR. VANDERPLATT, SIR, I WOULD LIKE TO ASK

FOR YOUR DAUGHTER'S HAND IN MARRIAGE."

- Women: AWW. - Vanderplatt: SO WHAT COULD I SAY TO HIM?

I SIMPLY REPLY,

"YOU TOUCH MY DAUGHTER AGAIN,

I WILL SKIN YOUR ASS ALIVE

AND BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN TO THE GROUND WITH YOU IN IT."

WELL, I DIDN'T KEEP MY PROMISE, DID I?

- ( laughs ) AND HERE WE ARE... - ( all laugh )

...AND I'VE NEVER SEEN MY LITTLE DAUGHTER

SO HAPPY IN HER LIFE.

SO LET'S ALL RAISE A GLASS

AND TOAST TO OUR NEWLYWEDS. THANK YOU.

- ( rock music playing ) - ( glasses clink )

ARE YOU READY?