Plastic

How it started shouldn't matter.

How things end, that's what's important.

Well, that's the theory.

Sorry to keep you, Mr Barker.

That's not a problem.

I just need to run you through a quick security check.

Could you please tell me your mother's maiden name.

- Tilly. - And your date of birth.

Sixth of July, 1962.

Excellent, Mr Barker. You've passed the security test.

If I could just confirm your order with you before I put it through the system.

The number.

So, you've placed an order for six limited edition 18-karat gold rings

and four pendant white gold necklaces.

Delivery will have to be made

to the address that the card is registered to,

so you'll have to be home to sign for the items.

Of course. lf you could deliver at 8:00 a.M. tomorrow that would be great.

If you could actually grow stubble, you wouldn't have to wear that thing?

You think that pubestache you grew for Movember counts as facial hair?

Don't make me laugh.

Right, do l have to tell you to drive carefully?

Only if you value your paintwork. Go learn something.

Go make some money.

65 million years ago, a comet hit this planet

with the power of a million Hiroshima bombs.

Lt wiped out the dinosaurs,

and from the ashes rose a whole new world order.

A fitting metaphor

for the global recession we still find ourselves in.

When demand is so low for a prolonged period,

a whole generation of educated and trained suppliers,

that's you guys by the way,

may never work.

Many of you will achieve good degrees but never actually get the careers you want.

Can l try these on?

No.

Well, how am l supposed to know if they're going to fit?

You can look at the label or buy 'em. I'm not bothered.

How much for the iPod dock?

They're 100.

Wait one second, Daniel, you're third year business studies.

So what?

So fucking haggle, brother, that's what.

Yeah, yeah. So, what do l get for 60?

Not one of those.

Come on, that's a good offer.

So was 100 before he stepped in.

£70 and l'll take the jeans as well.

80, you buy the dock and he buys the jeans.

Can l try them on first?

Well, mate, yeah, if you must.

Jesus Christ, has your mate got an aversion to underwear?

All dirty, l'm afraid. Mum's not down till the weekend

and l'll be fucked if l'm doing my own laundry.

How goes it, Mr Yates?

Good thanks, Dion. How about you?

Busy. Always busy.

What d'you need?

I'll go for three.

Listen, you know l spoke to my boss. Told him l got much respect for you.

Man reckons he might be able to put you to work.

Always looking for people to open up new markets.

The guy two rungs above me is pulling in like half a million a week.

Cash. ln hand.

Your boss... Tell him l'll think about it.

Thank you.

Rafa, Rafa, quickly! The toilet's overflowing again.

Get a mop and a plastic bag. It's like Baghdad in there.

We got a customer.

So?

So you don't know how to use the new till system yet, do you?

I keep saying it.

Until you can be bothered to learn this stuff,

l serve the customers and you clean up what they leave behind.

All right. Good.

That'll be £65 exactly, boss. Anything else?

Condoms.

Ribbed.

Lucky girl.

I see you like Ferraris.

Take another look.

This is as close as you're ever gonna get to one.

See that girl out there that you're gonna be using these on?

She like personality and looks, or just money?

What do you think? She's all about the money, dickhead.

Then why is it she's chatting up the guy without the Ferrari?

You showed him, eh, boss?

Do you want me to come back round there and fuck your face?

Swipe the card.

You gotta, actually.

Chip and pin now.

And that's you done, then.

Thank you so much.

Good shift?

Usual. Shit. While you guys are out having fun l smell petrol fumes

and deal with fucking wankers.

Feel like taking it out on someone else?

What the... Christ!

Evening chief. Good performance for a guy your age.

Budget not stretch to a hotel room?

Off you get, love.

Can l leave now?

Don't wanna finish up here?

- You've seen the state of him. - Yeah, l have.

Now give me your wallet.

Fuck you.

You getting all this?

Ln high definition, mate.

Now, here's what you do. Write down your mother's maiden name,

pin number and date of birth.

Go fuck yourself.

This is 4G enabled, mate.

I can have this on the internet in 30 seconds

and send it to your wife, see what she's got to say about it.

"Go fuck yourself", sounds about right. Probably followed by,

"l want a divorce," and "You've never made me come."

Well done.

Now, all we ask is that you don't report the cards stolen for 24 hours

whilst we do a spot of shopping.

Just relax and let the insurance foot the bill.

And we'll take that briefcase if it's all the same with you.

You can take the wallet, you can take the cards.

But l can't give you the case.

Don't act like l'm giving you a choice.

Grab it.

- No! - Yatesey, fuck!

Shit. ls he fucking dead?

He'll live. Come on.

Holy shit. Look at this!

Nice.

What's this?

Always wanted one of those.

That's mine, that is.

All right.

There's like fucking five grand in here. What's that, 1,250 each?

Only if we split it four ways.

Cards go into the pot, that's standard, but the money's ours.

I don't know, mate. We're supposed to split everything.

You think they'd do the same for us?

They got you stuck in a petrol garage five nights a week.

You need to start looking out for yourself, mate.

Stop letting people take the piss out of you.

Yeah.

Marcel, it's Harry. We've got a serious problem.

All right, lads? Five cards cloned from the garage.

And we rolled a mark.

Picked up another two cards with pin numbers for both.

You should watch the video, mate. It's fucking hilarious...

- Shit! - What?

I lost a life. Game over.

Gents.

Someone please tell me why's he wearing that.

It's fancy dress tonight.

Wait, don't tell me you lot forgot.

We're still going to that?

Surprisingly epic.

I'm going to the bar.

She the one in your class, isn't she?

Yeah.

The one you said's been checking you out, which l don't believe.

Yeah.

Then what you doing here?

Stop staring at her like a serial killer and talk to her.

I'm working up to it.

She's nice, mate. Almost as fit as Fordy's sister.

My sister's 15, you fucking paedo.

Give her my number and tell her to call me in a year.

Yeah, will do. Cheers, Rafa. She's been dreaming about meeting

a bell-end that works in a petrol station since she was a little girl.

All right.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

You snooze, you lose.

I swear my man's an apex predator. Watch him go.

Look, hang on, hang on. New world record!

Arm touch in under five seconds.

She touched his arm? Big deal.

May as well have been his cock, mate. Yatesey won't fuck this up.

What the fuck?

What are you doing? What's wrong with you?

Leaving a girl like that at the bar, mate?

You should have taken that shit down. You're a fuckin' predator.

That right there is a five date shag, Raf.

Three hours chat for a kiss good night at her front door.

I'm not looking for a girlfriend right now.

I like her, don't get me wrong. She'll get done, just not tonight.

Charming. Right.

You going in?

This'll be good viewing.

Sam, good costume.

Thank you. Where's yours?

I didn't have time to change.

I had to come straight from work.

- You got a job. - I know. Grown up, right?

What do you do?

It's pretty wild, l'm a data processor for a credit card company.

- Which one? - X-Cred.

Any chance you can increase my student limit?

Yeah, you're the third person to crack that joke tonight.

- Was it funny the first time? - No.