The Accidental Tourist

The business traveler should bring only what fits in a carry on bag.

Checking your luggage is asking for trouble.

Add several travel-size packets of detergent...

...so you won't fall into the hands of unfamiliar laundries.

There are very few necessities in this world...

...which do not come in travel-size packets.

One suit is plenty...

...if you take along travel-size packets of spot remover.

The suit should be medium gray.

Gray not only hides the dirt but is handy for sudden funerals.

Always bring a book as protection against strangers.

Magazines don't last...

...and newspapers from elsewhere remind you you don't belong.

But don't take more than one book.

It is a common mistake to overestimate one's potential free time...

...and consequently over-pack.

In travel, as in most of life, less is invariably more.

And most importantly, never take along anything on your journey...

...so valuable or dear...

...that its loss would devastate you.

- Sir, would you like a snack? - Just some peanuts.

I'm sorry I'm so fat.

Name's Lucas Loomis.

Macon Leary.

You a Baltimore man?

- Yes. - Me too.

Greatest city on the Earth.

One of these seats is not really enough for me.

The stupid thing is, I travel for a living.

I demonstrate software to computer stores.

What do you do, Mr. Leary?

I write travel guidebooks.

Is that so? What kind?

Well, guides for businessmen...

...people just like you, I guess.

Accidental Tourist.

- Why, yes. - Really? Am I right?

Well, what do you know? Look at this:

Gray suit. Just what you recommend.

Appropriate for all occasions.

See my luggage?

Carry on. Change of underwear, clean shirt, packet of detergent powder.

- Oh, good. - You're my hero.

You've improved my trips 100 percent.

I tell my wife, Going with the Accidental Tourist is like going in a cocoon.

Well, this is very nice to hear.

Times I've flown clear to Oregon and hardly knew I left Baltimore.

Excellent.

I see you have your book for protection there.

Didn't work with me, though, did it?

Edward, how you doing, boy?

- Hello, Sarah. - Hello, Macon.

- You made good time from the airport. - We landed early...

...even with the storm.

- I made you some tea. - Well, that's very nice of you, Sarah.

So how was Atlanta?

About the same.

Peachtree Road, Peachtree Centre, Peachtree Fire Hydrant.

Come on. Come on, Edward.

Hello, Edward.

He's a boy.

How's your ears?

Okay.

I think he still expects Ethan to come home, even after a year.

Macon?

Macon.

You know I love you.

But I can't live with you anymore.

What?

What did you say?

I want a divorce, Macon.

I rented an apartment downtown.

Honey, listen, it's been a hard year.

We've had a hard time.

People who lose a child often feel this way.

It puts a terrible strain on a marriage...

...but it doesn't have to tear us apart.

Listen, I've been thinking...

...have you considered having another baby?

- Oh, Macon. - I know we can't replace Ethan, but-

No, I'm sorry. It would never work.

All right, forget that.

It was a crazy idea, right? Crazy notion, but...

All I'm saying is, we can start over.

Macon, ever since Ethan died, I've had to admit that people are basically bad.

Evil, Macon.

They're so evil they'd take our 12-year-old boy...

...and shoot him through the skull for no reason.

There have been times I haven't been sure I-

Haven't been sure I could live in this kind of world anymore.

It's true what you say about human beings.

I'm not trying to argue.

Tell me, Sarah, why would that cause you to leave me?

Because I knew you wouldn't try and argue.

You believed all along they were evil.

This whole past year I've felt myself withdrawing from people...

...just like you do, Macon.

I've felt myself becoming a Leary.

Well, there are worse disasters than that, I guess.

Not for me.

Macon, I know you loved Ethan.

And I know you mourn him, but there's something so...

What do you call it?

Muffled about the way you experience things.

It's like you're trying to slip through life unchanged.

Sarah, I'm not muffled. I endure. I'm holding steady.

I know you think that, but I think you're fooling yourself.

It's not by chance you write books telling people how to make trips without a jolt...

...so they can travel to wonderful, exotic places and never be touched by them.

Never feel they've left home.

That traveling armchair isn't just your logo. It's you.

No, it's not. It's not.

When Ethan was in this house with us, we were all right.

If there was a distance between us, it didn't matter. We had Ethan in common.

But when we lost him, I needed you.

I needed you to comfort me.

I needed you to be the kind of person you've never been...

...and that isn't even fair to ask of you.

That's why I have to go.

- Sarah- - Don't fight this, Macon.

I don't know how much strength I've got.

I'm never gonna recover from Ethan's death. I don't expect it.

But there's a chance that I could make a life anyway.

But my only hope is to get out of here...

...away from you.

Let me go.

In the Southeast they say that if you want to go to heaven...

...you have to change planes in Atlanta.

The airport in Atlanta must have 10 miles of corridors.

Come or go, Edward. Oh, make up your mind.

I could stop by and pick up the rug on Saturday, if that's convenient.

Well, I leave for England tomorrow afternoon.

Maybe I could bring the rug over.

Or I could let myself in on Saturday.

I should have agreed to teach summer school or something.

Open my eyes in the morning and I think, Why bother getting up?

Why bother eating? Why bother breathing?

Me too, sweetheart.

Mr. Leary, come with me, please, to identify the body.

Yes, that is my son.

So I guess I'll come by while you're gone, if that's all right.

Oh, sorry.

Come on, Edward. There's nothing to worry about.

- Hi there. - Do you board dogs?

- Sure. - I'd like to board Edward here.

- Do you have a reservation? - A reservation? No.

- Most people reserve. - Could you make an exception?

I've just come from the place we've used before.

Suddenly they tell me they can't take him, that he bit someone last time.

Edward, do you bite? How could you do such a thing?

I'm catching a plane. I'm leaving for a week...

...and I don't have a soul to look after him. I'm desperate, I tell you.

- Can't you leave home with your wife? - No.

- You're not married? - I am, but she's living elsewhere.

They don't allow pets.

I'm a divorcee myself.

I know what you're going through.

So will you keep him?

I guess, if you're desperate.

Fill this out. Your name and address and when you'll be back.

Don't forget to put when you'll be back.

I'll most likely see you again when you pick him up...

...if you put the time of day to expect you.

My name is MurieI.

Is this place open evenings?

- Every evening but Sundays, till 8. - Oh, good.

MurieI Pritchett.

In London, England, I recommend the Underground...

...for everyone except those afraid of heights...

...and even for them, if they will avoid the following stations.

It's mystifying why all hotels throughout the world choose only...

...the most abrasive fabrics for their bedspreads.

London is among the better foreign destinations...

...in the important category of hotel plumbing.

The British have only mixed success with American cuisine...

...but the traveler with persistence can find a meal in London...

...not much different from a meal in Cleveland.

Here you are, guvnor.

Just as sold at the Yankee Stadium.

Have a nice day.

- Can I help you? - I'm here for my dog.

- Your last name? - Leary.

Oh, just a minute.

Hi there. How was your trip?

Oh, it was...

Where's Edward? Is he all right?

Sure, he's all right. We got on like a house afire.

Seems he took a shine to me. I couldn't say why.

That's wonderful. So...

- ...could I have him back, please? - Caroline will bring him.

- Maybe I could pay. - Yes.

That will be $42.

Thank you.

Signature and phone.

I don't know if I mentioned before that it so happens I train dogs.

Is that right?

- That home phone or your business? - Both.

Why? What difference does it make?

I was just wondering. My specialty is dogs that bite.

Specialty. Webster prefers specialty.