CarousHELL The 2nd

Pop goes the Nazi.

He's escaped, Fraulein Braunsteiner.

Was anyone left standing?

- No, Hauptsturmfuhrer, he killed them all.

He could not be stopped.

Damn Gestapo, they are useless.

I don't understand why Himmler keeps putting them

where they don't belong.

What did you do to me?

What are we going to do?

(sighs) We are going to leave Germany.

I don't believe our creations can change the tide

of this war fast enough.

We'll escape and continue our research.

- I meant, what are we going to do about the carousel horse

who's hellbent on killing, us.

- Carousel unicorn. You worry too much, Otto.

You know what happened to the other experiments.

There you are, you damn kraut.

He is still cooking, like the others.

He won't wake up now unless we finish the incantation,

or if he ever finds the willpower to do so on his own,

years from now.

Why could you not control him?

Perhaps it was his background.

So stubborn.

I should rip the soul right back out of you now.

But the war has come to our home.

Let the gangsters and cowboys find him and the others.

If they have any intelligence,

they'll hide him away forever.

- I can stay behind, destroy whatever research I can.

Don't be stupid, Otto.

My success took much more than they'll find

in one of my journals.

I could help by at least destroy--

- No, Otto. I need you here with me, by my side.

I trust your hands, your mind.

I will keep you alive until I decide you can die.

Do you understand?

Yes, Ilsa.

Sweet land of liberty.

What the hell is all of this?

We need to get this stuff to the brains ASAP.

Oh man.

I swear I'm usually good about opening my own door.

Come on in Elsa.

(sighs) It's Ilsa.

Oh, sorry.

It's all right.

It's been happening a lot more these last two years.

- Yeah, that's gotta be super annoying, people are calling--

- So are you going to talk or do you want to have sex?

I choose option two.

This is really nice.

I'm glad that I decided to talk to a stranger

about My Tiny Uni at a bar.

You're shivering. Your heart is racing.

Some might find it hard to submit to a woman.

- Miss, that is the only thing that's not hard right now.

- That's good. I need you aroused for this to work.

Are you ready for me to suck the soul out of you?

- That's the kind of communication we're always asking for.

Just be direct about what you want.

Why are people always so oven mitts about this topic?

I mean, we're all adults.

It's just kinda silly (screams).

Now I'm ready to come for you, Duke.

- I'm Duke, the prettiest goddamn unicorn in the world.

And if you disagree,

I swear I will murder the shit outta you.

I used to be stuck on a carousel,

letting brats climb on my back day after day.

But a few years ago,

I finally woke up and broke free of that spinning prison.

I got my revenge on the last kid that fucked with me

and took out everyone in my way.

I've been enjoying my freedom the past few years,

been traveling, seeing people, meeting people,

killing people, it's been great.

But you can't escape from your past.

It's always behind you, chasing after you.

It never goes away.

There is a lot to my past.

A lotta parts I don't like talking about,

but I can't run from it anymore.

Someone from my past has finally found me, tracked me down.

I have no choice. I need to face this head-on.

I owe them this much, and they're expecting me.

(gasps) Dad!

Thank you for the coffee, Mrs.--

Miss, Ms. Laurence.

- I'm sure that speaking to me is very odd for you.

- I've been raising a humanoid unicorn for several years.

I've been forced to become more, open-minded.

- Mom already told me I was adopted, which I kinda figured,

but she's still my mom.

I love you so much, Mom.

I love you back, Robbie.

Robbie is his name?

Robert was my grandfather's name.

My husband named my other children, and uh,

after I lost them, I don't know, it felt right.

I think Robbie is a great name.

- Thanks Dad. Duke is a super cool name too.

So how did you find me?

- Well, when I found Robbie at my business appointment

with his late mother,

I sorta realized he had a unique father.

The first few years was just taking care of Robbie,

raising him.

He's always been such a sweet boy.

But then he started asking me questions about his dad.

And fortunately, it wasn't difficult to notice

all of the sightings in the news

of a moving, talking unicorn. (chuckles)

I sort of figured that it would've been

too much of a coincidence for there to be

two living unicorns in the country.

- Low-profile isn't really in my vocabulary.

I see you're always in the same town

when a bunch of horrible murders happen.

Are you tracking down another one of your kind?

The one that killed your girlfriend?

Yes, that is exactly what I'm doing.

I won't rest until I find that other monster

that took Sarah from me.

What's murder?

- Oh uh, it's just a bad thing. Don't worry about it.

But Duke, we really didn't have any idea

of how to reach out to you.

All I could think of was cheeping out to you.

- Why does everyone say Cheep? Is it a copyright thing?

I'm glad you had an account.

Well, I kept hearing about it,

and it seemed like a good way to connect with people.

It's a good thing I did. I didn't even know I had son.

- I'm sure that was big news. How did you react?

Well.

I was overjoyed.

I remember finding Robbie.

He lept right into my arms and wouldn't let go.

It was the same night that I uh, that I found out.

It felt like fate.

We were both alone. We both needed each other.

I don't know what to say.

- Well, would you like to see some baby pictures?

- I understand science is slow, but you, Otto,

you take years to do things that should take days.

Shut up Katrina.

You know we can only make the serum once

when Ilsa has absorbed a soul.

I have to make sure that the base is correct.

For making it as often as you do,

you are not very good at keeping us immortal.

(sighs) You idiot, we are not immortal,

we just do not age.

When I watch you do that, I age so much,

I feel myself rot.

Why are you in such a hurry?

I met a young man on Aryan Mingle.

- Is there anything you do not use the internet for?

No, there is not.

I thought of all of us,

you would be the one to appreciate modern technology.

I'm back from my spy mission.

Ilsa has not given you a spy mission.

She only told you to keep busy.

- Look at little science man, jealous of my undercover work?

While you're hiding away in here,

I'm risking my life to make sure we have our ears

in the streets.

Nobody would suspect an American hotdog salesman

of being a loyal Nazi.

Why not sell bratwurst?

- Are you fucking insane? Why don't we just give it away?

- I don't think anyone will know we are Nazis

because of you selling better food.

Better food?

I have poured my heart and soul into this hotdog stand.

I only use the highest quality hotdogs.

Oh!

- The best hot dog is an insult to bratwurst.

You bastard.

How dare you insult my dream of becoming

an American hotdog salesman. (gagging)

- You're in too deep, Klaus. You're in too deep.

- I can't believe you're even in my country, you damn Nazi.

Brother! Remember who you are.

I'm,

I'm sorry.

Sometimes I get too absorbed in my undercover work.

It just uh, gets away from me.

I can't remember where Tom the hotdog salesman ends,

and Klaus begins.

But, then I remember. I'm a 100-year-old Nazi vampire.

And proud Nazi vampire.

You are not vampires.

Fraulein.

Why did I choose two idiots like you?