NYPD Blue

Detective Sipowicz, please tell the court how you came to arrest Mr. Giardella.

This past August 27th,

I was routinely surveilling the defendant because he's a known felon.

During the course of the surveillance, I observed the defendant's vehicle...

Have a flat tire, and he got out of the Cadillac and he opened the trunk.

At that time I approached the vehicle, identified myself as a police officer,

and in the course of casual observation of the open trunk,

I saw 27 cartons of filter cigarettes which did not have tax stamps.

I ascertained that the vehicle was owned by the defendant.

I gave him his rights and took him into custody.

Nothing further, your honor.

Detective Sipowicz,

you've testified that the cartons of untaxed cigarettes,

for possession of which you arrested Mr. Giardella, were in plain sight...

In Mr. Giardella's trunk when he opened it to get out a Jack to fix the flat.

- Right. - Now, there were seven nails...

In Mr. Giardella's right rear radial, detective.

That wouldn't exactly produce a slow leak.

Yet you say that during several hours of antecedent surveillance...

You saw no one damage Mr. Giardella's tire.

I was surveilling Mr. Giardella, not his car, counselor.

He stopped at Niglio's coffee house.

Maybe, uh... maybe some urban youths...

Did mischief to his vehicle during that time frame.

Your honor, uh, justified or not,

the reputation of the neighborhood in which Niglio's coffee house is located...

Is such that "urban youths"...

Do not tend to congregate and do mischief in its environs.

Maybe he drove past a construction site after he left the place.

Detective Sipowicz is known to have a personal vendetta against Mr. Giardella.

I submit that the true scenario is that while my client stopped at Niglio's,

detective Sipowicz hammered nails into his tire and caused a flat,

so that when Mr. Giardella stopped to get out a spare,

the detective could circumvent probable cause statutes...

And go fishing inside Mr. Giardella's trunk.

Move to suppress the evidence as tainted and dismiss the complaint.

Granted.

- What about the construction-site theory? - Pathetic.

Adjourned.

Hey, what is that, a dead rat you got on your head?

Now make some bad-wig jokes.

Meanwhile, I'm walking out the door, you nickel stiff.

Sipowicz, what is it you clear, about 90 a day? Here, go buy yourself some clean socks.

I'm gonna burn you down, you small-time operator. You count on it.

Let's lay off him. No shot. That wig-wearing hump rubs me the wrong way.

I'm gonna make his life miserable.

And Bury your own career in the bargain. Who are you kiddin', John?

They already held that service. Andy...

hey, miss district attorney. You really prosecuted the crap outta that one.

I went with the crap I had, detective.

Oh, you think that was a Hummer bust? You sayin' I queered that guy's tire?

I'd say res ipsa locuitor if I thought you knew what it meant.

Hey! Ipsa this, you pissy little bitch!

Hey, guys. How's it going?

How you doin', detective?

Morning. Good morning.

Detective Kelly.

Hey, sarge. Thank you.

Where's Sipowicz?

Hey, lieutenant. He's, uh, runnin' an errand.

My office.

I heard he flipped out in court. You need to think about a new partner.

Lieutenant, I know Sipowicz is messin' up,

but he's gonna come out of it.

I realize how you feel about him, John.

Both of us know where Andy is right now,

and it's not runnin' an errand.

He's on a bar stool at Patrick's gettin' loaded.

Andy was a great cop. Now he's a drunk that won't help himself.

I'm taking him off the street.

Lieutenant, don't do that yet. Let me talk to him. Let me see if I can shake him up.

That asshole Giardella.

He can wear all the thousand-dollar suits he wants. I'm not impressed.

I popped him when he was rollin' drunks in the park, and he knows I did.

You know where that wig-wearin' scumbag hump's gonna be tonight?

The best table at Gianinni's. Gianinni's. You're damn right,

tellin' some broad how his lawyer made me look like a jerk.

Mm.

Ahh. Leon, hurt me twice.

This is gotta stop, Andy. What's gotta stop?

This. You're gettin' stiff every afternoon now.

Hey, look. I don't recall...

Requesting any career-counselling session from you.

When was the last time you tried goin' on the wagon?

When was the last time you tried growin' tits?

All right. Maybe we better talk in the morning.

No, no, no. Let's talk now. Okay.

I think we should call it quits. Meaning what?

Meaning us being partners.

Huh! Yeah, sure.

Get a little bored at home, you dump your wife.

Got a few problems at work, you dump your partner.

First of all, I didn't dump her, she dumped me, and second of all, I've been carryin' you.

I know it, you know it, every cop in the station house knows it,

and I'm sick of it.

All right. You wanna split up? That's no problem. That's no problem at all.

Get your hands off me. Get your hands off of me! Let's go...

let's go somewhere and get somethin' to eat. I can't.

I'm on rug patrol tonight. It might embarrass your career.

Andy, come here. Get away. Just get away from me, Kelly,

or so help me, I'll clean your clock.

Let me, uh, take care of this. Sure.

Hey, Ramon. Hey, hiya, detective.

- She just went in. - Where'd you get that shiner?

Oh, punks. They jumped me in the basement on Tuesday.

- Anybody report it? - What am I gonna report?

I just gave 'em the $46.

Ramon, you don't report it, I can't do anything about it.

I'll send a sector car over.

You should move back into the building is what you should do.

Hey.

I brought dinner.

Where's the separation forms, Johnny?

You know what? I lost 'em.

You lost them? I looked all over the station.

We'll both work off yours. We're each supposed to fill out assets and expenses, you jerk.

I lost the form, Laurie. You want me to hang myself?

So am I dismissed?

Do I get pizza?

Ramon got mugged in the laundry room?

Last Tuesday. When was I gonna hear about it?

I just found out about it yesterday, John. He was embarrassed to let anyone know.

Don't go down there nighttime anymore, all right?

I've been going to the laundromat.

How's work? You gonna let 'em put up that building?

We're still negotiating the variance.

Thank you.

How's your work, John?

I'd ask if I wanted to know.

You know... We are splittin' up.

You do not have to hate the job anymore, okay?

Just 'cause we're splitting doesn't mean I'm going to stop worrying about you...

Or caring what happens to you.

Good.

Hey, come here.

You sure we're doing the right thing? I'm sure.

Hmm? Because a lot of people stay together behind less than what we got goin', Laurie.

That's not good enough.

Look, I don't want to have this conversation every time you get horny.

It's not going to work out for us.

My mistake.

I think it would be easier on us if we made a clean break. Okay.

I mean, I still have feelings for you, and I know you still have feelings for me.

That's right. So I think it would be easier if we just left each other alone.

A lot of good this is going to do.

Anything you want, sal.

You're such an easy guy to find, Alfonse.

Thursday's at Gianinni's. You're such a creature of habit.

What are you doing here, Sipowicz? Am I interrupting, huh?

Was al here impressing you on how strong he is with the Marino family?

Hey, I'm with a lady. You're crossin' a line here. Move away from me.

What is that, a threat, huh? That supposed to intimidate me?

Look around you, Sipowicz. You can't afford anything in here. Go home.

Stand up. Are you crazy?

Shut up! Stand up! Just shut your mouth! Are you nuts?

All right. Mr. Wig says, "Alfonse has to go outside now."

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Let's go.

Get off me, you son of a bitch!

Hey, Alfonse, you okay? Alfonse, you all right? Get back!

Get back or I'll blow your head off! All right, take it easy.

All right. Let's see, Alfonse. Let's see. Is this your money? Huh?

Here's your money, Alfonse. Is this the hundred you offered me in court today?

Eat it! Eat it!

You're a damn psycho, Sipowicz! You need some time in the country!

Here, you big ape! You want some dessert, huh?

Here, Alfonse, have a sock for dessert!

Have one of the socks I can't afford to change!

- Aah! - What's that need, Alfonse, huh?

Something to spice it up? Maybe a dash of wig?

Here, go on. How's that, huh?

- You think you're better than me! Is that what you think? - Andy! Andy!

Look at me now! Laugh now, you dick-head! Get over here!

- You get outta here! - Breathe deep! Breathe deep!

Enjoy yourself! You just made the worst mistake of your life!

What is the matter with you? Stop followin' me around, will ya?

Get outta here! Stop followin' me around. What's the matter with you?

- Stop followin' me around! - What's goin' on, detective?

It's over.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm all right.

Make sure he gets home. He's a cop.

- Come on. You all right? - Yeah, yeah.

Officer Licalsi. Yeah?

Weren't you at the 116 out in queens?

Yeah, till last month.

Who would I call over there to get special attention on an apartment building?

Give me the address. I'll take care of it. Got a piece of paper?

Right. This is my wi...

uh, ex-wife's address.

There was a robbery in the basement on Tuesday. Super didn't report it.

I'll make sure a sector car keeps an eye on it. I will too. I live out there myself.

Appreciate it.

I didn't realize you were, uh, gettin' a divorce.

Uh,

yeah, I'm just, uh, gettin' it done.

That's too bad. Yeah. Anyway, thanks a lot.

Detective.

Who called the rat squad?

Something to do with your partner feeding Giardella his wig last night. Yeah.