Cinema Toast

The flowers were lovely. Thank you.

Well, great, yeah.

Jane picked them out.

Oh! Well, they weren't

the most expensive flowers I've gotten,

but I guess it's the thought that counts,

which I could use right now, especially with

all of Sharon's bullshit I've been putting up with.

I'm sorry. What'd she do?

Well, she never thanked me for the portrait I gave her.

So I said something.

And I guess I deserved it because I'm too nice.

Lesson learned.

But disinviting me to Thanksgiving last minute,

and I'm the toxic one?

-Mm. -You should come to ours.

Really? You mean that?

Of course, we'd love that.

Yeah, totally, or you could patch things up

with Aunt Sharon.

I would love to join you, but I was afraid to ask,

'cause I'd hate to put you two on the spot.

Well, yeah, Mom. Come to Friendsgiving,

-unless you-- -It'll be fun.

What? Friendsgiving. What's that?

Friendsgiving.

Well, it's pretty much Thanksgiving with friends.

Friendsgiving.

It's just a stupid name people are calling it now.

Don't worry, just come, no pressure.

We'd be really excited to have you.

Yeah, totally.

The only reason we didn't invite you in the first place

is because we knew you were doing it at Aunt Sharon's,

but this is great.

Yeah.

Um, please don't feel like we left you out,

we would never.

And don't feel beholden to us, too.

If you make up with Aunt Sharon, then...

Yeah?

Then... well, that's cool.

Friendsgiving, so dumb.

Wasn't Familiesgiving when you were growing up.

-Mm. - Imagine that.

-Probably some PC bullshit. - Yeah.

Who else is gonna be at this Friendsgiving?

A couple of friends.

Mm. Anybody that I know?

Just a friend from college.

And my buddy, Jake.

And John's father. And Rick.

We were just thinking,

because you were gonna be

spending Thanksgiving with Aunt Sharon,

and Dad was gonna be in town that--

Oh, wow, this is awkward--

That, uh-- So we were previously thinking that, um--

-you-- -We invited them.

We invited them.

What?

- Mom? -

- Mom! -Ahh!

-Oh, shit. -This is it.

Mom? Mom, are you all right?

- -She fainted.

Yeah. I'll go get some water.

You're such a good boy, Johnny, always have been.

I'm sorry I fainted.

Don't apologize. Rest.

I'm sorry for what your father did to us,

and you at such a young age.

-Such a shame. -Mm.

But don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

-No, Mom, just take it easy. -No, no, I'm okay.

We'll get through this Thanksgiving.

Sorry, Friendsgiving.

I was just shocked to hear your father was joining us

since it's our Friendsgiving,

but I'll be fine, don't make a fuss.

And please make sure your father doesn't bring Rick, too.

What? But we already told him to come.

No, no, no, no, no, that's non-negotiable.

But, Mom, this is so awkward.

We can't just disinvite them like that.

Well, I-- I guess if she insists.

Oh, I insist.

Okay, I'm gonna rest up.

Wow, that was a lot.

Fucking great. God.

Sorry, babe.

I know this means a lot to you.

It's okay, I just don't want any drama, you know?

I just want our Friendsgiving to be chill.

Ah! Fuck me!

Stupid thing.

I should have seen it comin' with the flower comment.

Idiot!

When are you gonna tell your dad?

Tomorrow, I guess.

God, this whole situation really sucks.

I mean, how are those flowers

not expensive enough?

Maybe it's me.

And they divorced, like, five years ago.

It's not like some childhood trauma.

Babe, we'll get through this.

Ugh!

Babe?

You're going to sleep now?

Yeah, I'm drained.

You really think she fainted?

What do you mean, like, she faked it or something?

Wouldn't put it past her.

She's done much crazier shit before.

Says the guy who's in bed and didn't even take his shoes off.

Mm...

Babe, it's okay.

Trust me, she's gonna fuck the whole thing up.

She does this every time.

I mean...

I can't tell my dad not to bring Rick.

It's his husband.

You're not supposed to negotiate with terrorists.

One thousand percent it wasn't because of her portrait.

Aunt Sharon just got sick of her shit,

and she doesn't want her making a scene

at Thanksgiving this year.

I think you're overreacting.

It's your mom, she loves you.

I mean, it's either some passive aggressive victim stuff

or she's going off about

some Q-Anon conspiracy play-by-play,

which is definitely going to trigger my dad,

and then they'll get into one of their fights,

which will definitely not be chill

in front of our friends.

She just wants your attention.

You always do this. It's both of you.

Son, what's going on?

Here you go, Dad.

Mm. What's this?

A script.

Yeah, I was just thinking, you know how Jane and I

are doing the Friendsgiving tonight--

-Yeah. -And you and Rick

were all planning on coming together.

I fear this is one of your crazy schemes

having to do with your mother.

Like your birthday again.

Well, this is a little different, Dad.

Here we go.

-About Rick-- -Mm-hm.

She got into a thing with Aunt Sharon,

so she's not going to hers anymore,

so she told us she's coming to ours and, uh,

-she, uh-- -Mm-hm.

She says Rick can't be there.

-What? -Yeah.

-I can't do that to Rick. -Yeah, uh--

We're going on a cruise tomorrow.

Well, she fainted and then she insisted.

So I figured we have to accept that she's coming,

and I came up with a way

to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible

because holidays mean a lot to Jane.

So I wrote up some prompts and responses

to avoid any landmines, and I figure if we

stay on script and not take the bait

instead of getting into a fight,

we can, like, get in front of it and like,

you know, like fix it,

uh, before it becomes a thing.

'Cause you abandoned me with this crazy woman

and I need you to do this for me.

"If she brings up Pizzagate,

say, 'That sounds like a serious crime.'"

"Don't argue with facts?"

Well, instead of proving her wrong,

you just listen and say, "Yeah."

You just drop this on me and somehow expect me to

memorize 80 pages of this nonsense at the last minute?

I don't think you've gamed this all out.

Well, uh... but I did.

Maybe my friend Dave could, like, radio it to you.

There's no way.

Also, please don't mention the cruise.

Good news, babe. I talked to my dad

and I think it's all gonna be totally okay.

You were right.

I'm feeling good about this now.

Oh, that's great news.

Your mom's here and she brought her housekeeper.

Really? That okay?

Well, yeah, I just wasn't expecting it.

And, of course, you put the centerpiece in the middle

where the food is supposed to go.

Yeah. I put it in the middle.

That's what it's called a centerpiece for.

Don't get cute, Annie, not now.