The Middle

"Thanksgiving"

Thanksgiving around here is all about tradition,

spending time with your family

and being thankful for everything you have.

Of course, everyone has their favorite thing.

For Axl, it's my cranberry sauce.

For Mike, it's my mashed potatoes.

Sue and Brick love my home-made pie.

But what I love most

is the warm, loving feeling I get from...

Saving up to 80%

on the day after Thanksgiving--

Black Friday.

Okay, it's one week to Thanksgiving.

The mall opens at midnight, so we've got to be prepared.

Sue's on housewares, Axl's on sporting goods,

Brick can ferret through the crowd,

so he's on electronics. Then we'll all rally

- back at the escalator at 0100. - Sir, yes, sir.

Oh, and when you invite your dad for Thanksgiving,

can you ask him if he'll drop us off and then wait for us

so we don't get stuck behind some slow driver looking for a spot?

Mike...

- Can't you invite him this year? - He's your dad.

He's such a pain!

He'll say he doesn't want to be a bother

and drag it out until I end up begging him, like always.

Mike, someday that old pain in the ass won't be here anymore,

and then you'll be begging to beg someone.

Fine, I'll ask him, but I'm not begging.

Can we go to the corn maze today?

Nothing says fall in the Midwest like a corn maze.

It's just about the most fun thing ever.

Oh, I am not dragging my butt through another corn maze.

- I just can't do it. - But I've never been.

What are you talking about? We've been a million times.

With Sue and Axl. I never got to go.

I never get to go anywhere.

That's 'cause you're their least favorite.

Ironically, at the moment, Axl was my least favorite.

Okay, we'll find a time to take you,

but today isn't it.

Hey, can I go snowmobiling with my friends on Thanksgiving?

No.

No, dude, I can't. She just totally freaked out on me!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

We were square dancing in gym class,

and this boy Brad Bottig

kept asking me to dance all week, and then today

on the third allemande left, he asked me to be his girlfriend!

Oh, my God! I have a boyfriend!

She's just a kid, Frankie.

I don't know if I like this.

Oh, this is just an innocent junior high thing.

- Don't you think we can trust her? - It's the guy I don't trust.

I took square dancing for one reason--

It's a meat market.

60% off on a power sander for Mike,

100 barrettes for Sue at Claire's for $1,

2-for-1 cargo pants for Brick.

Look at me! I'm trembling.

I think what I'm most looking forward to

is watching home movies, singing around the piano.

My niece, who I haven't seen in 14 years is coming in.

I gotta get air mattresses just to host everyone!

Bob, Hometown Buffet called about

your Thanksgiving reservation. They want to know if

you'd share a two-top with a widower.

- We eat at 6:00. - Oh, thank you!

All right, team, bring it in. Take a knee.

Sales are at an all-time low.

That is why I'm switching to a 365-day schedule,

like that diner out on Route 7.

They do very well.

Wait, wait, wait.

Are you saying that we're working on Thanksgiving?

Mr. Ehlert, that is just wrong.

Well, so is taking the country away from a bunch of Indians,

but aren't you glad we did?

Mr. Ehlert?

What now? Tampon machine empty?

N-no, actually, sir, I was wondering

if I could possibly, in any way,

have Thanksgiving off to spend with my family?

Okay, we're gonna play a little game called

"I be you, you be me."

"Mr. Ehlert,

"I know I'm the newest employee with the worst sales record,

"and even though I whine about equality for women

"in the workplace, can I have Thanksgiving off

"so I can hug my family all day long,

"even though two minutes ago, you said I had to work?"

Yes?

Okay, I'm me again. No!

Please.

My family needs Thanksgiving, and I'm the mom.

I have to cook in the morning, and we eat in the afternoon.

Fine. You can work the evening shift.

And if you're still here, you can work all day Christmas.

Christmas? Thanksgiving?

This man's crazy.

Who the hell buys a car on Thanksgiving, anyway?

I know it sucks, but I'm not gonna let it ruin our day.

We'll eat earlier, then I'll go in to work,

then I'll meet you and the kids at the mall at midnight.

And be sure to tell your dad about the time change.

- You haven't invited him yet. - I will, woman. Back off.

Mom, Dad?

This is brad... my boyfriend.

- Be cool. - Yeah.

Hi, Brad!

Hi, you guys.

Oh my gosh, I'm super excited to finally meet my GF's P's.

"Girlfriend's parents." I looked it up later.

Well, we are so excited to meet you, too, Brad,

- aren't we, Mike? - Yep.

So you--you, uh, like to... square-dance, huh?

Oh, I just love square dancing.

Well, all types of dance, really, you know?

Ballet, tap, rhythmic.

O.M.G., is that vintage flannel?

No. Just--just old.

And super cute.

Well, thanks.

We're gonna go get my "Flashdance" CD,

and Brad's gonna show me some choreography he made up.

Well, he seems nice.

Very!

- Still worried? - No.

You think we should say something to Sue?

No. She'll figure it out eventually, or he will.

What?

The Black Friday sale is earlier this year.

- What's earlier than midnight? - 6:00 on Thanksgiving Day.

We have got to be there when the doors open!

Look, the first 100 customers get 20% off

and a free soft pretzel. All right. Okay.

I'm just gonna have to go in and...

I'll ask Mr. Ehlert for a different shift.

I know it's against the rules, but...

can Brad and I hang out in my room?

Sure. Close the door if we're bothering you.

So Mike finally went to ask his dad to Thanksgiving,

which sounds easier than it is,

'cause Big Mike's kind of a hoarder

who doesn't like to leave his house.

Maybe 'cause he's got too much pride to accept an invitation,

Or maybe 'cause there's too much crap blocking the door.

I know you're home, Dad.

Montgomery Ward went out of business ten years ago.

It's good to know.

So Thanksgiving's coming up.

Is it, now?

Oh, well, the calendar says it's today.

Yeah, the calendar's four years old, Dad.

Oh.

Anyway, Frankie's putting together a nice dinner.

You should come.

I don't want to be a bother.

You're not a bother, Dad.

Well, don't go making turkey on my account.

We're making it anyway.

All of America is.

If I come, you'll just have to

get another chair out of the garage--

All that hassle...

Okay, Dad, we're eating at 4:00.

Come if you want. Don't if you don't.

That's not much of an invite, is it?

Fortunately, not everyone's too proud to beg.

Sir, I just found out my Aunt Ginny

needs emergency surgery on the night of Thanksgiving,

so could I please switch to the afternoon shift

so I can take her to the hospital?

Of course.

- Thank you, Mr. Ehlert. - And you're working Easter.

Okay.

Got the new Thanksgiving schedule.

It's a little funky.

We're gonna have to eat dessert in the car on the way home,

and there's one little patch midday where I'm gonna have to

be in two places at the same time, but I think a test drive

or a long bathroom break will take care of it.

So, yeah, I think I pretty much nailed it.

I don't see the corn maze on here.

It's only open in the morning, then they're plowing it down.

Brick, I'm gonna teach you

a little phrase that I think will come in very handy.

I call it, "Oh, well."

You know, we went to Disneyland once before you were born.

It was awesome.

Poor Brick. He was the forgotten third child,

but there was no way I could go back in to Mr. Ehlert,

and he was just gonna have to understand that.

So now the kidney's coming in on an earlier flight,

which means I need to switch to the morning shift

so I can drive the kidney to the hospital. It's an H.M.O.

Okay.

I did it.

It was hard, but I figured it out.