Ben and Kate

We gotta hide him. We gotta hide him.

Where? We gotta hide him.

He's a big bird!

Uh... think about it.

Dude, what are you thinking?

The cabinets... we did not think this through!

Crap! There's no room in here!

What are you doing?

Why are you holding a turkey?

What do you mean? It's Thanksgiving, Kate.

You guys, what are you doing?

All right, fine.

We were at the mall and we stopped at a kiosk, to grab a soda.

A fountain soda... it's always better when it's from the fountain.

With a little crushed ice, you know?

Just a normal weekday.

And there was a Thanksgiving parade,

and the turkey was the grand marshal.

Which was hilarious.

It was really funny.

He had this little apron thing on, it said "grand marshal,"

and a little bow and a ribbon.

We got a good kick out of that.

But then, we realized

they were raffling him off for Thanksgiving dinner.

And I accidentally made eye contact with him.

Right, bud?

And all my fear of birds and my hatred of them,

and their disgusting-ness, kind of just went away.

And before I could stop myself,

- I had named him in my head. - Keith.

Sweet, sweet Keith. So you brought it here?

I couldn't let them kill him! You can't kidnap a turkey, Ben!

You have to bring it back to the mall... oh, my God.

He's looking right at me. Damn it.

Okay, I guess he could live in the backyard, probably,

if we made him a house.

Or if it gets cold at night, you could sleep in my bed...

He will bite you. I would be careful.

Kate, can you pick this up?

I'm really sore.

I was just lifting weights this morning.

Oh, nice! Know what I use? Paint cans.

I go half-full, 'cause I don't want to get too bulky.

I'm loving the gym.

It's just become part of who I am.

You know what else is really good cardio?

Yeah? Waiting tables.

You should try it sometime.

She's so funny, isn't she?

Gobble, gobble, blond people.

And Tommy.

Soroush!

So, tomorrow night, it's going down, right?

Everyone's back in town, reunion time at Buddy's...

Why is that necessary? Why do we have to get drunk

the night before Thanksgiving, and talk about high school?

Yeah, and have to sit around and listen to all those stories

about the legendary Ben Fox.

Wait a minute, that's me!

I'm gonna hug so many people.

It's just an excuse for people to sit around

and brag about their husbands

and make the rest of us feel bad

for dating a guy who won't say the word "boyfriend."

Yeah, I might make it, but you know how I do.

If I make it at all, I'm gonna show up late.

Mm-hmm, yeah, you know how I do, too.

Like, you know, there's a end, and then I show up.

Whatever. Peace, pilgrims.

And Tommy.

Italian trench on a Persian?

So perfect!

Later. Damn.

Hey, Ben, this is super weird.

I keep getting mail to the house

addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Ben Fox.

Oh-ho, yeah. You know what?

I do this sometimes, for tax purposes.

This is kind of an inside joke

between me and the IRS, you know? Like...

The IRS is funny. Yeah, no, they're really good to...

I don't know... I don't even want to talk about it; I know.

'Cause I gotta go see Will; I'm late.

I'm gonna go see my man.

So, he is... but we're not officially dating,

but we are... whatever.

I gotta go.

Don't worry, I'll take care of this.

Right? Tax guys.

We need to tell her.

Tell her what?

I now pronounce you man and wife.

I can't believe we're doing this.

Congratulations.

This is the most wonderful day of your life.

Thank you.

I've never looked more beautiful.

Or we don't tell her, and wait till you die,

then I get all your stuff.

Tommy's my executor,

so you'll have to take it up with him.

Hey, can I ask you something?

Ask me what?

Is it okay if, uh, we don't do Thanksgiving together?

Of course, of course.

Yeah, you're with your daughter, I'm with mine.

Yeah, I mean... we don't even know what we're doing here.

Who need labels, right?

But let's hang out tomorrow, though.

So, I have a thing...

an informal high school reunion sort of thing.

What?! I'm not going; I don't want to go.

Why would I have to go and talk about

what I've been up to for the past eight years?

"Oh, hey, how ya doin'?"

"Good to see ya!"

"Oh, yeah, I'm a single mom."

"Oh, you're a doctor?"

"That's great; I dropped out of college."

There's certain parts of my-my high school life

that I don't want to re-live, okay?

Okay, it was junior year, I was in Jesus Christ Superstar.

I love that musical!

Don't over-think it. So, I was Jesus...

Gender-blind girl Jesus... suh-weet!

Back in the day, Ben used to play Jesus, too,

so everybody just assumed that I got the part because of him,

and when I say everybody, I mean Anna Lewis.

I hate her already.

She thought she was a shoo-in for the part,

so there we all are,

it's opening night

and they are lifting me up

into what we called "full Jesus,"

and then, all of a sudden...

...she dropped me into some dude's junk.

Junk on the face, face in junk.

So Anna gave me the nickname...

"Nut Nose"? No.

Jesus Crotch Superstar?

Junkface. Junkface. Right.

She completely ruined high school for me.

That is it... you gotta go. You gotta slay that dragon.

Oh, no. No, no, no. Mm-hmm.

I'm just saying if you don't deal with your past,

it's gonna be there forever.

So it is settled... we are gonna slay that dragon.

We? What?

I mean, I just, I didn't say anything about, like, a "we,"

or an "us," or anything, but I mean, I guess, like,

if you're gonna go to the reunion,

I could, like, swing by.

I could just stop by.

Why are so dead-set against telling Kate?

So you needed a green card, so I married you.

You were vulnerable; I'm a hero. It's a good story.

It's a great story.

Now, I already have two-thirds of the screenplay written.

I don't want to tell y'all my twist ending.

Okay, B.J. dies and then I marry Kate.

Sweet.

Look, now that I'm back in town,

I'm lying to her face.

I gotta come clean.

It's been seven years.

I think we may have missed our window slightly.

Oh, my God... Soroush just tweeted

he's about to jump in the shower.

Wow, he's taking his sweet time

to get ready for the reunion, huh?

Why do you care so much about Soroush?

Because making a big entrance in high school,

wearing something awesome, was my thing.

Then we graduated and started having these reunions,

and Soroush made it his thing.

Wow. You need to relax.

Take a shower, get dressed.

In what, Ben?

A tux? A tux jacket with jeans?

You're in a freefall.

You're right. What am I gonna wear?

A T-shirt tux with a tux jacket?

Uncle Ben, can you check my report?

Yeah. Let me see it.

"The Person I Admire the Most, by Maddie Fox."

That's cute.

Kind of a long title, though.

"The person I admire the most is my Uncle Ben."

That-a-girl.

"My Uncle Ben is honest...

and he's nice..."

"He takes care of me and my mom."

Ooh, this is tricky in more ways than one.

Okay, let's pick it up.

"He takes care of me and my mom..."

"and the...

"and he can do all the animal noises.

Except for frogs."

It's so true. I don't know why it's so easy.