Spanish Fly

I like a woman with big ones...

The bigger they are, the more woman.

That's what I like.

Big hands... big enough to pin you down.

There are two kinds of "macho".

The "machista", who doesn't believe women have rights...

and the icon of a sexy, virile, fearless macho who women love.

A real man like me.

Women are stronger than men and can handle pain better.

Men are really like dogs.

They eat what you put in front of them.

With women, technique is everything.

There is a position where

friction from the pubic hairs can give her pleasure.

And if she gets an orgasm first, she won't become pregnant.

Uh-huh.

Shit. Hablas any English?

It's broken?

I think it's broken.

"What attracts you to a woman?"

No, no, no. Um... y-you... the tape recorder's broken.

I don't understand a word you're saying, so we have to finish.

Entiendes? "Finish." Finito, basta.

Arret? Terminado?

You're a real cutie.

Guapa. We have to guapa.

You really don't know any Spanish, do you, guapa?

Excuse me? Excuse me? Excuse me?

I'm Antonio.

Oh. God, but you're three hours late.

I'm Zoe.

A pleasure.

How are the interviews going?

I have no idea. It was mostly in Spanish, and the tape recorder broke.

Now that I'm here, you won't need one.

Actually, I will, but I have this video camera, except the battery's out.

Who wrote these questions?What's so funny?

I... I did. Why?

Y-You had them translated?Yeah. Why?

You're not going to get honest answers from these.

"How do you feel about women"?

You can go now.

No problem.

What? Hey! Wh-What are you doing?

I'm not finished with him. Por favor, sit.

You're wasting your time with this guy.

If you don't mind, I'd like to continue the interview.

Sit. Siente... ti, te, ti... por favor.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Now, please...

ask him if he believes women should work.

How did you meet her?

I was having tapas and she wanted to buy me a drink...

I said, "Why not, guapa?"

You didn't find that strange?No, she's American.

Wh-What is...?

How long have you been here?

Twenty minutes or so...

What-What's he saying?

He said you were making passes at him, and he's playing along.

That's not what he said.But that's what he meant.

I didn't hire you for your opinion.

I may understand certain subtleties you will miss.

You're an interpreter. You're supposed to interpret.

That's what I'm doing.

You see a Spaniard talking about sex to a foreign woman,

he's bound to lie.

It's his patriotic duty.

Do you know her well?

She's my girlfriend. Get lost.

Go fuck yourself!

He said he had to run.

Where in the States are you from?

New York.New York?

I love New York. Elizabeth Street?

Little Italy.

You know it?

Intimately.

So the book is about Spanish men?

No, the book is about machismo.

Uh-huh. Why are you writing it?

I have a contract.You like Spanish men?

Excuse me?

I am curious because many American women come to Spain just to meet men.

I got to go.

Oh... sorry.

Senor.

Uh... Senor.

Senor. I'll bet you don't have a boyfriend.

Oh? How would you know that?

I can tell by the way you carry yourself.

You're a little... insecure and just a bit too serious,

which could put some men off,

but you have certain naivete which is quite charming.

Gee, thanks.

Senor, por favor.

Right away, sir.

I didn't mean to offend you. Boy, are you ever sensitive.

Boy, are you ever a cocky son of a bitch.

What does "cocky" mean?ZOE: Look it up.

You're the machote.What's a machote?

Get an interpreter.

Yeah, one who can speak English.

I don't want to work for you, anyway.

Taxi!

Guapa!

[PANTING SUGGESTIVELY]

[IMITATES DONALD DUCK]

Taxi?

Bordadores Street, please.

You forgot to turn on the meter.

James Brown. He's equal to Cameron.

You like James Brown?

[CONTINUES SINGING DIFFERENT LYRICS]

You have ink on your leg.

Take it easy, miss.

This is fine. Here, here, thank you. Here. Thanks.

What did I do now?

You're crazy!

[PLAYING CARAVAN ON THE CLARINET]

Excuse me.

Pardon. Street Bordadores, please?

Sorry, we are French.

Oh.American?

Yeah. How did you know?

It's obvious.

You came here to meet men?

No, not us. We are together.

My sister's the crazy one.

Don't blame me. I live in England.

What about French men?

Liars.

What kind of man do you like?

Um, um, men who are-are

thoughtful, communicative...

who understand women.

Are you sure it's a man you're looking for?

I'm not convinced.

I think if two people are intellectually compatible,

the physical part will work, too.

Ah, really? I don't know about you,

but I never had an orgasm from a good conversation.

I told you, Americans are poorly fucked.

Don't I know you? Columbia University.

Oh, my God. Professor...

Carl Livingston. It was Philosophy.

Hi.Hi.

Oh.

Um... God, this is a shock.

Um, are-are you working here?

Uh, I opened the place. I figured, uh...

Madrid could use a decent English bookstore.

That's right. Uh, that's... I mean, this is...

This is a great store, great books.

Um... Oh, this one, too. Yeah.

Having man trouble?

Uh, no, no. It's research for a book I'm writing.

Novel?

No. Um, uh, it's based on a study

based on an article I wrote in Vanity Fair.

I approached the publishers, and they accepted.

They gave me an advance, so here I am.

Wow, that's fantastic.

I figured you'd be doing something interesting.

You did?

Yeah.

A girl in my class went out with you.