The Petrified Forest

How about some water?

There it is. There's the can.

Help yourself.

The sign's right. Your last chance. You better fill up.

Okay, fill her up.

Boze.

Hey, Boze!

Boze!

Boze!

- Man wants gas. Get going. - Okay, boss.

Everybody's entitled to their own way of thinking.

- You fellas want more coffee? - Yeah.

I don't know why, Nick, but you're always squawking.

I got a right to. What do I do?

I climb poles to put up wires so that some broker in New York...

can call some guy in Los Angeles and tell him he's been wiped out.

We're not pioneering. We're repairing.

Friend, when you talk about pioneering, you're talking about something...

- I can tell you a few things about. - Shut up, Gramp.

- I don't want to shut up. - Don't argue with the guests.

Listen, I can tell these boys some things they'd like to hear, wouldn't you, boys?

Sure. MAN: Go ahead. Change the subject.

Listen, I come down into this desert 56 years ago.

Come from Virginia City. You had to be tough to cross this country in them days.

Why, I helped string the first wire that run west out of Albuquerque.

Yes, sir.

Say, are you the fella that took a shot at Billy the Kid?

I never took no shot at Billy the Kid. No.

I had too darned much sense.

He took a couple of shots at me, though.

I'm practically the only man he ever missed.

Well, he was... He was only fooling, so it couldn't hardly count.

Okay, pop!

Say, I wanted to tell you.

Do you know the first message that was sent over that wire?

It said... It said, "God save the republic."

You'd better send that message again, pop.

The republic's in bad need of saving.

That'll be 55 cents apiece.

Fine excuse for a republic we got. Fine excuse for law and order.

You read about that gangster massacre in Oklahoma City?

Now, there's an example.

Our government's nothing but a gangster's joke.

There's one remark I'll pass to you, brother:

Be careful how you talk about the United States of America.

- Come on, Nick. - Wait a minute.

- Let me get a load of this tinhorn patriot. - You got your eats.

There's your change. Now kindly get out.

Thought you said not to argue with the guests.

- You better tend to your own business... - My own business.

What business? Miserable little service station on the edge of nowhere.

Well, maybe that's all you're good for.

What chance have I ever had to prove what I can do?

You had a war, didn't you? The biggest war yet.

I bet you think I failed because I didn't come home with any medals.

You didn't have to drive behind the lines.

I enlisted where my mechanical knowledge would do the most good.

- Paula's scared. - Scared of what?

Duke Mantee and his gang are headed this way.

Nobody will get Mantee. He'll fool them.

You can't fool all the people all the time.

- Watch things, Gabby. I'll get dressed. - What for?

The Black Horse Vigilante meeting.

Dad, aren't you ever gonna get tired of playing soldier?

Well, that bandit gang better not head this way.

What'll you do, blow the bugle and turn the whole potbellied troop loose on them?

I only hope someday my own daughter...

will learn to respect the things I stand for.

There's the mail!

There's the mail.

Hello, Dick. How's everything?

Oh, not so good. They tell me Mantee and his gang are around here someplace.

Yeah? What's he...?

Paula was right. The postman just told me...

that Duke Mantee and his gang are gallivanting around here someplace.

Cut it out.

- What's the matter? Don't you like me? - No, not very much.

Well, I'll forgive you since I haven't had much chance to go into my act.

But when I do, you're gonna change your attitude plenty fast.

- What's that you're reading? - Oh, you wouldn't like it.

Oh, poetry.

Say, that's pretty hot.

Well?

I've suspected all along all you needed was a little encouragement.

- That's great poetry. - Sure, it's great.

But I can think of something a whole lot better.

- I'm not so terrible-looking, am I? - You think a lot of yourself, don't you?

- It's easy to tell when a girl wants love. - Is it?

Sure.

- How can you tell that, Boze? - Well...

one way is when she calls you by your whole name for the first time.

And another way is the way I feel. It takes two to make a radio program.

The one that's sending and the one that's receiving.

When I'm with a girl that's cute and appealing with big, blue eyes...

and I feel electric waves running through me...

I can be pretty sure she's the one doing the sending, whether she knows it or not.

Have you a radio program coming in right now?

It's like the hottest torch song that was ever sung. Can't you hear it, honey?

You can call me a sap if you want to, but I'm falling in love with you.

I'm getting to want you more than is good for me.

- Boze, have you ever been in love before? - No.

- Have you ever said you were? - Sure, plenty of times.

- Did they believe you? - Certainly, and I'll tell you why.

Because they're all dumb. That's where you're different, Gabby.

- I couldn't fool you. - I'm smart, am I?

Too smart for most men, you'd catch onto them. But that's what I want.

The better you know me, the more you'll like me.

You'd better look out if you want to keep your job.

Dad doesn't like having the hired help make passes at me.

You're gonna love me, Gabby. Love me a lot.

Look out. Here's someone coming.

Good evening.

Could I...

order something to eat?

Why, certainly. Miss Maple will be glad to take care of you.

Thank you.

Wait a minute. Is your dad going to town?

Why, yes.

Okay.

Will you sit down, sir?

Thank you.

- Do you live around here? - No. No, a tourist afoot.

My last host of the road dropped me about 10 miles back.

Still, it's wonderful what progress you can make just by doing this:

Thanks.

"Today's special."

Tell me, just what is a "Bar-B-Q"?

Well, here it's a hamburger sandwich with some vegetables on the side.

It's always today's special.

- It's pretty good. - It is?

Unless we have a sandstorm.

Well, I'll have it. First of all, I'd like some cream of corn soup, some beer...

- and I'll order the dessert later. - Okay.

Thank... Oh, another question. Where am I?

Well, this place is called Black Mesa.

Black Mesa.

How intriguing.

Where are you planning to go?

My plans have been uncertain.

Oh, just hoboing along.

Call it "gypsy-ing."

I had a vague idea I'd like to see the Pacific Ocean...

or perhaps drown in it. But that depends.

Where did you come from?

Quite a long way, Miss Maple.

- That is the name, isn't it? - Yes, that's it.

- Are you English? - No.

You might call me an American once removed.

- But if you wouldn't mind... - The soup will be in in a minute.

The washroom is through that door if you want it.

Thank you.

- Oh, good evening. - Good evening.

- Anyone take your order? - Yes, a charming young lady.

That's my daughter.

- Gee willikers, ain't that great? Look. - Ain't what great?

Duke Mantee and his gang are around here someplace.

- There's his picture. - If he heads this way...

we Black Horse Vigilantes will handle that gent.

- You would? - Of course. That's what we're for.

If you'd take my advice, I wouldn't start any shooting in that getup.

- Why not? - I never see'd a better target.

Yeah? Well, you needn't be afraid about me.

Afraid? I ain't afraid. But I would be if I was you.

- I took 5 bucks, Gabby. - Why'd you need all that for?

Just in case of emergency. Say, between the two of you...

you'd think I wasn't fit to be trusted with money, ideas or anything.

Well, let me tell you, the both of you, that I've...

Oh, well.

- Gramp? - Yes?

Gramp, what are you doing back there?

Can't you let your old grandpappy have a little snifter now?

No. You can have one before you go to bed.

Well, I'm sleepy now.

Gramp.

- Your soup is ready, my friend. - Oh, thanks.

- It looks good too. - Thank you.

Look out, look out. That's The Denver Post . Here you are.

Thanks. - Yeah.

Oh, say, look. Look, look. There's a picture of Duke Mantee.

"Six killed."

- Did he do all that? - Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.

- He doesn't look very vicious, does he? - I tell you here.

You can't tell a killer except by his chin. There's a funny thing about that.

A killer always holds his chin in. You ever notice that?

- I don't think I've ever seen a killer. - Oh, I have. Plenty of them.

- You ever hear tell of Billy the Kid? - Yes. My soup's getting cold.

I knowed him down in the Pecos Country.

He took a couple of shots at me once.

Well, congratulations. I mean, on still being with us.

Hey!

But I don't think you understand. You see, it was kind of dark...

and the Kid had had a few...

and I think he was just trying to scare the pants off of me.

- Did he do it? - No. No, no.

I see'd he was just a-funning, and so I said to him, I said:

"Kid, you're drunk." And he said to me:

"Well, what makes you think that?" And I said, "Because you missed me."

Well, you ought to heard him laugh.

Say, you're kind of hungry, ain't you?

Well, you can go just so long without food.