HAPPYish

Lee: This is Carol Brady.

Carol was a supportive, dedicated, loving mother,

which I think is probably why I hated her.

Because my mother was resentful and manipulative,

and watching "The Brady Bunch"

only made me feel worse about my own shitty mother.

I mean, look at her. Whose mother looks like that?

You weren't helping, Carol, with your perky little hairdo.

You were making me feel worse,

because it's one thing to have a shitty mother,

it's another to think that you're the only one with a shitty mother.

So fuck you, Carol Brady.

Hola, I'm Dora,

and this is my wonderful grandma Abuela.

Hola, this is my abuela.

Abuela is my grandma.

Can you say "abuela"?

Abuela.

- Great. - Muy bien!

You said that very well.

Dora: Oh, Abuela, sing us a song.

Boots: Sing, sing!

Con mucho gusto.

Hey, buddy, what's the deal with Dora's mom?

I don't know.

- I mean, where is she? - I don't know.

- Didn't you ever see her? - I don't know.

Weird, don't you think? You never see her mom.

Dora's with Abuela.

Abuela is her grandma.

I know. It's just weird.

All right, come on, man.

We gotta go. Let's not miss the bus.

- Here we go. Okay. - (Singing continues)

Out. Out. Stay positive.

Thom: It's not a big deal, Jon.

I'm sure someone just borrowed it.

Coups begin with a whisper.

Uh, I thought they began by cutting off the king's head.

That's how they end.

They begin with undetectable but undeniable acts of derogation,

like stealing someone's couch.

It's just a fucking sofa, Jon.

Thom, for the dog claiming his territory,

it isn't about the tree, it's about the pissing.

That's what corporate life is.

It's not about thinking different or just doing it,

it's about who's pissing where

and on whom they are pissing.

Corporate America's a German porno, Thom.

Someone just took a piss in your office.

Fuck. Lorna!

- You want your couch returned immediately... - I want my fucking sofa

- and the name of the asshole... - And the person who took it held responsible.

- Thank you. - Yeah, I'll find it.

Gottfrid's just called a Keebler meeting.

A Keebler meeting?

What's Gottfrid doing calling Keebler meetings?

He asked that you be there.

It's in Roth.

- What? - Roth.

What... what's Roth?

Gustaff and Gottfrid renamed all the conference rooms.

What... why?

Because we're creative.

The conference rooms on 22 are named after writers,

the conference rooms on 23 are named after artists,

and the conference rooms on 24 are named after film directors.

- Philip or Henry? - Philip or Henry what?

You said the Keebler meeting was in Roth.

Is it Philip Roth or Henry Roth?

There's a Henry Roth?

Just... where is the Keebler meeting?

It's across from Miller.

- Arthur or Henry? - Frank.

There's a Frank Miller?

- He wrote "Batman." - What the fuck?

Lee's voice: See, that's why we live in a bubble now...

me, Thom, Jules.

We've got this happy little family

and I don't want the world fuckin' with it.

No Facebook, no Twitter, no nothing.

Don't fuck with my fuckin' bubble.

Morning, Kevin.

Hey, there she is.

- There you go. - Gracias.

Been working on something big, huh?

Some big, new, art-type thing?

Uh, no, not really. Why?

Hang on.

- Are you kidding me? - No, I'm not.

There you go.

- God damn it. - What is it?

It's a bubble violation.

Ew. Hey, what's "bubbie" mean?

It's Yiddish for "cunt."

Hey, you need some help?

I got it.

Ugh.

Woman's voice: So I sent my grandson a present.

Is that a crime?

I mean, even in Auschwitz the children could have toys.

They didn't have toys in Auschwitz, Ma.

Is there any discussion with you

that doesn't come back to the fuckin' Holocaust?

Oh, now it's the "fucking" Holocaust.

Mazel tov.

God forbid he should have a present

from his grandmother once in a while.

Oh, guilt.

Holy shit, what a surprise.

Ma, if you had wanted to be a grandmother to your grandson,

maybe you should have tried being a mother to your daughter.

Hey! Asshole!

Chill out!

- Hey. - Hey.

That box I just picked up... do I have to keep it?

- You don't want it? - I don't know yet.

Throw it away.

Well, it's not about the box.

It's about letting the person who sent it

know that I never accepted it.

- Why? - To hurt them.

- Father? - Mother.

Ah, yeah. "Revenge to sender."

- Exactly. - Yeah.

Well, we're not supposed to return to sender

once we hand it over to the customer,

but a mother package...

Sure, bring it in.

Oh, thank you. Okay.

Can I have till tomorrow?

- Tomorrow? - I just don't know yet.

Did you tip me last Christmas?

Yeah, 50 bucks.

Okay, one day.

And don't fuck it up and drop it and shit, okay?

- Kevin! - It's my ass on the line.

- Thank you. - All right.

Thank you.

Thom: They're elves, Gottfrid.

50-year-old elves, Thom.

Created in 1968 by Leo Burnett.

I mean, Leo himself has been dead for 40 years.

When I told that to the client,

they couldn't believe it.

Sorry, sorry. You told that to my client?

I'm creative director in this office, Thom.

I mean, I tell clients if I think they need new life.

We invited them to our office tomorrow to see new work.

Gottfrid, I've got a Coke strategy meeting all afternoon.

When the hell am I gonna prepare new work for tomorrow?

You're a busy man, Thom.

We know that.

Gustaff had an idea he wanted to share with you.

Oh, good.

So Keebler talks about real, yes?

Real ingredients, real chips, real, real, real,

and yet these are their spokespeople.

Fakes, cartoons.

Why are you always trying to get rid of elves?

Ernie.

Ma.

J.J.

Fast Eddie.

We want to get rid of the fake elves.

Thom, these are real,

just like I'm real and Keebler fudge is real.

Holy shit, Maya. Midgets?

Do midgets test well?

Little people, Thom.

Maya: Reality tests well with the millenials, Thom.

We have been struggling with the perception of the elves

as old and out of touch.

They've been asking for something new.

Man: Well, I can only speak for the production department,

but if we never had to animate another elf,

I'd be thrilled.

- Do you like this idea? - Yes.

I think it's at least worth sharing with them.

Jesus.

We do a series on the web.

Okay? Where our target lives.

High production values, top directors.

Not commercials, but short films, okay?

Let's show these elves with some real problems.

Real issues. Real chocolate.

J.J.'s girlfriend dumps him

or Fast Eddie gets a bad report card.

Real issues with real people,

because they are real,