Idiotsitter

Billie.

Billie.

Hello, my sweet.

Oh, my God. Chet?

The very same.

Wh--am I asleep? Am I dreaming right now?

You tell me.

Oh, my God. You're so warm.

I've had my hands in my pockets.

Are you a ghost?

Yes, 'tis I, the ghost of Chet.

What are you doing here?

I've come to see you, my precious.

Oh, God, you look so alive.

Go ahead, you can touch me.

God, this feels so real.

It feels so right.

- What are we... - Shh.

Okay.

O.M. gosh. Stop, I'm gonna throw up.

Way to go, Brett.

This was supposed to be like a "Scare Tactics" level prank.

Now you're, like, making love to her--it's embarrassing.

What--what's going on?

That's not Chet. That's Chet's brother, Brett.

Yeah, like Brett Butler, "Grace under Fire."

ABC Wednesday nights, 9:30/8:30 Central.

They're twins.

Identical. Except I don't have a lisp.

But...

I mean, I don't have one.

Ha ha!

Yeah, I'm in town for a couple days.

Thinking about investing in a rock company.

- I like rock music. - No, it's just rocks.

Well, that's cool that you're stopping by.

- Yeah. - Any brother of Chet's

is a new Chet to me, you know?

New Chet Brett.

Welcome to CLANGENE.

You know, I'm pretty stoked that you're into "Halo."

You must be a beast, sister.

I've killed a few stay-at-home dads in my day.

There's this one guy-- oh, he's a total dickbutt.

He spams me every time I get a great weapon.

Did somebody say "dickbutt"?

Dang it, Kerry! Get out of here!

Who's your friend?

Is he ready to watch me pwn your ass?

I'm Brett, like Brett Butler but--

Pwn your own butt, Kerry!

The point of the game is to kill.

Maybe you need to get your video game GED too.

Is that a thing?

Well, guess what, Kerry.

I'm about to take you to school.

The school of--

No!

What did you do?

It's time for class.

That is the meanest thing

that has ever happened

in the history of meanest things ever to happen.

I think the Potato Famine of '45

and bird flu would disagree with that.

That sounds totally made up.

Those are real things that you would know if you went to class.

I don't care about stupid potatoes and sick birds!

If I have to do all this high school stuff,

I should get to do the fun stuff too.

We just did Macbeth with British accents.

"Is this a dagger I see before me?"

I'm talking about the fun high school stuff,

like... prom or...

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, you're a genius. I want to do the prom stuff.

- I didn't say-- - Yes! I love that suggestion.

- Prom! - No, I didn't give that--

- I should totally have a prom. - Yeah.

You're the only student.

I'll ask other GED students.

It's already happening. Brett, are you there?

- I'm in. - You don't need a prom, okay?

Gene, I didn't go to my prom, and I turned out...

I think a prom would do you good.

Okay? Maybe you get a little over-the-dress action?

- Or under the dress. - Excuse me?

I'm not the one who almost sucked face

with a ghost last night.

How you doing?

Okay. You don't need a prom.

I'll play you for it.

You want to play "Halo" against me?

- Yeah. - I'm sort of a pro.

Damn, Gina, you are good at this.

Yeah, I've got hands on a rocket launcher.

Good job, Billie.

Yeah, I won a tournament two years ago.

Best New Year's Eve ever!

Look alive. Kerry just logged on.

Why don't you fart-breathers

do yourselves a favor and log off?

Because CLANGENE breathes farts wherever we want!

I'm tea-bagging your friend. She likes it!

Where are the tea bags? I don't see the tea bags.

Billie.

- He killed me. - No!

Not again! My rocket launcher!

Is mine.

My rocket launcher.

Gene, relax, it's just a game.

A game?

A game? Just a game?

Do you remember what killed Chet?

A game, Billie, a game.

We can play again in a couple minutes.

What's the point? He already has all my weapons.

What else does he want?

My soul? My mouth?

My brain and also my mouth?

No.

Something has to be done about this.

Gene, why are you talking like that?

Yeah, stop petting your hands.

And I know exactly what to do.

First step--

Oh, man, poor Gene.

I know. I'm worried about her.

No.

Okay, and hopefully he's wearing a purple T-shirt.

Get him on the stage.

- What are you doing? - What?

My revenge plot. My prom plan. Nothing.

"First step: Invite Kerry to prom."

Kerry the "Halo" bully?

Why would you invite him to a prom?

Which you're not having.

Because, step two, when he arrives,

we treat him like a prince.

Or better yet, a king.

A prom king, Billie.

Then, when he least expects it, step three.

And you know what step three is?

I honestly have no idea.

Yeah, you do.

- You don't know what it is? - Uh-uh.

We dump a bucket of pig's blood on his head,

just like in that movie "Carrie."

Okay, it sounded crazy either way you said it

'cause your plan is basically to invite your online nemesis,

who you've never met before... - Mm-hmm.

- To a fake prom... - Right.

Dump a bucket of animal blood on his head

just because his name sounds like the name

of a fictional horror movie character/book character

that that happens to.

You know what?

Now that I'm hearing it out loud,

yes, perfect plan!

Ha ha!

Okay. You're not having a prom.

Is that permanent marker?

What? No.

Whiteboard's broken.

Why would something so bulky be up so high?

Let me help you with that.

Oh.

There you go.

Oh, thank you.

I need this to advertise

the flavors at my frozen yogurt shop.

Oh.

Peanut butter, vanilla, green tea.

I don't--I don't own a frozen yogurt shop.

- Who does anymore? I'm Hank. - Oh.

"Hank" you for this.

Sorry. I'm--I'm Billie.

Okay, so you don't own a fro-yo shop.

No, I'm--I'm a teacher-- I'm a tutor.

I'm a tutor too.

No way.

Hand on a Bible. Yeah.

Is it just me, or is everyone like, "You're a what?"

Okay, can you get that Bible back out here?

'Cause if another person asks me, "Why aren't you a teacher?

Why are you just a tutor?"

I swear to God, I'm gonna, like...

do something, I don't--

- Preach! - Okay.

They don't understand that not every mind

thrives on traditional education.

- Uh-huh. - Can I get an "amen"?

You can get an "amen" and then some.

I mean, my student, she's like an adult,

but then she's also like a little kid.

You're describing Atticus to a tee.

She actually wanted me to throw her a homeschool prom,

which is like, ugh-- - That's a great idea.

A great idea, is what I said.

- Well, Atticus would love that. - Oh.