South Park

hey, everybody! how's it going?

i just-- i just can't seem to stop.

hey, you! you goin' swimming?

don't forget to bring a towel!

get out of my face!

get out of here!

my name is towelie.

t-o-w-e-l...

y-e-y.

i'm great at cleaning up spills.

and i'm 1 00% machine washable.

i'm just an ordinary towel in a lot of ways.

except for one.

i'm addicted to marijuana.

and crystal meth.

and crack.

anybody want their dick sucked?

does anybody want their dick sucked by a towel?

towelie has become a complete nightmare in our town.

he's broken into my house twice and stolen my allowance.

i've got almost nothing left.

if we're playing outside, he shows up completely wasted

and screaming how the government is following him.

i-i just don't want to watch him

kill himself!

i don't even know who he is anymore!

there's is no doubt in my mind

that if we don't get towelie help,

our entire summer is gonna be ruined.

are you ready for the summer?

are you ready for the sunshine?

are you ready for the birds and bees

the apple trees

and a whole lot of fooling around

oh, boy, timmy!

it's our favorite time of year.

timmy!

we get to see all our old friends again!

hey, there's francis! hey, francis!

hey, jimmy! hey, tim!

timmy!

wow! look at lenora, everyone!

good job! come on! good job, lenora!

all right, good. let's get lenora a towel.

brr!

come on, where's the towel?

the towel isn't here.

i think it's off getting high again.

hey! where's that towel?

oh, yeah, just a sec!

we went out and got towelie a job

so he could try and pays us back

all the money he owes us.

stupid towel.

what's going on, towel?

oh, yeah, just had to take a piss.

sorry.

we got wet campers down there.

move your ass!

when towelie is doing heroin,

he doesn't care about anything.

i don't care about anything.

stupid...handicap...camp.

all right, blue team.

as team captain, i need to make sure

we are ready for the big camp competition!

oh, we're weady, awight!

we can weally stick it to the wed team this year! ha ha ha!

no way red team can beat us.

no way. huh huh huh!

red team won't know what hit them.

all right! everyone together!

are we gonna beat red team this year?

- yeah! - timmy!

yeah!

i can't stand him, mimsy.

that jimmy kid makes my fucking skin crawl.

duh, you've always hated jimmy, boss,

ever since he whooped you at surfing last summer camp.

he really took it to ya good!

shut up, mimsy!

- oh, sorry boss. - listen to me.

there is no way that blue team

is gonna beat red team this year at camp.

you got that?

what we need to do, mimsy,

is use a little brain power

to make sure blue team can't compete.

oh, boy!

we're gonna ruin blue team's chances, huh?

we're gonna break their legs or something, boss?

shut up, mimsy!

just do what i say and we can make sure

jimmy vulmer gets what's comin' to him.

there ya go, lenora. all better now?

yes, thanks.

that's right, when you go swimming,

don't forget to bring a--blecch!

- aah! - who hired that towel?

it can barely walk, let alone dry somebody off.

you think you're better than me? huh?

you think you're fucking hot shit?

a lot of times when towelie shoots heroin,

he just gets angry at everybody.

you can all suck it!

you're all-- you're all a bunch of towels.

that's what you are!

the thing is,

towelie was pretty happy before.

he had a girlfriend he liked.

and then she got pregnant

and had a little washcloth.

but then towelie just kept getting more and more high,

and he got kicked out of the house.

fuck you! let me talk to him.

let me talk to him, you bitch!

no! i'm not high!

i haven't been high since wednesday.

oh, it is wednesday?

all right, campers!

our first event is the big canoe race!

oh, boy, the canoe races! heee!

we gotta be-be-be-be-be--

we gotta b-b-beat the red team!

i've got it, mimsy.

i got a way to win the race

and get rid of jimmy for good.

duh, oh, boy! what're we gonna do, boss?

simple, mimsy.

we're gonna put a little surprise in the canoe.

doh, doh, what kind of a surprise?

ooh, it's a snake!

not just any snake, mimsy.

it's a black mamba.

oh, gee wiz, boss.

we're gonna kill all the blue team and jimmy, huh?

shh! shh!

you boys excited for the canoe race?

yes, counselor steve.

i like the fun canoe.

canoes are fun, aren't they?

now take the black mamba, mimsy,

and put it in the canoe.

i'm gonna go get our team ready.

all right, campers, are we ready?

yeah!

good luck, jimmy!

you too, n-n-nathan!

you're gonna need it, you fucking asshole.

on your mark!

get set!

aah! holy shit!

mimsy, what the hell did you do?

duh, you said to put the black mamba

in the canoe, boss!

not in our canoe, mimsy!

we crossed the finish line first!

hey, hey, we need a towel!

uh, oh, um, just a sec!

not just a sec.

we got a bunch of wet campers down there!

what's going on?

hey, you owe me money, asshole!

that's it. we're done.

you are no longer employed here.

please, sir.

we need a nice, clean towel

here at summer camp.

we don't need a towel that shoots heroin

and has sex for money.

some people are so picky about their towels.

all right, campers!

next event is the big scavenger hunt!

blue team is gonna go first!

i finally got it, mimsy.

i got a way we can kill jimmy

and beat the blue team.

oh, boy! what're we gonna do to 'em, huh, boss?

simple. we're going to get jimmy killed

by native americans.

here take this.

it's a fake scavenger hunt map.

duh, this map leads to the scavenger hunt?

no. that map leads to the indian reservation.

we switch this with blue team's scavenger hunting map,

and they'll end up

right on the tardicaca indian reservation.

oh, boy!

we're gonna get jimmy killed by indians, huh, boss?

shh! shh!

are you boys excited for the neat scavenger hunt?

yes, counselor steve. i like a scavenger hunt.

all right, mimsy.

now you take this map to the indian reservation

and you switch it with blue team's map.

you got that, mims?

you switch the map. switch the map.

i got it, boss.

switch the map! switch the map!

how come we're scavenger huntin' now, boss?