Project X

Le patron?

Ah, Richard.

Woman: You'd think that given the number of animals

the government buys in a year, you'd honor a long-time understanding.

Man: Listen, lady, I treat all of my customers the same,

whether it's the government or the circus.

These are young, healthy chimps, and you don't come by them every day.

- Hey, Pop, look what we got. - Please, Melvin, not now. I'm busy.

Let's tag these for delivery: Northeast Institute, food and drug.

Yerkes, hepatitis.

Johns Hopkins, cancer.

No, send that one to Hopkins.

This little guy goes to the University of Wisconsin,

the department of psychology.

Good morning, little one.

Now don't be afraid.

No one's going to hurt you.

Teri, come and meet your new student.

Now don't take it personally if he doesn't like you right away.

He will, but sometimes the chemistry takes a little bit of time to work out.

We have a tendency to expect these--

As I was saying...

- Hi. - My, my, my.

Hi.

Virgil, look.

Virgil, look what I have-- apple.

Yes, that's good. Look, apple.

Do you want it?

That's good, but--

Virgil, Virgil, look.

Apple.

You don't want it?

Virgil, look.

Apple. Apple.

Apple.

Virgil, Virgil,

apple.

You don't want this? Apple.

Apple. Virgil, look.

This means "apple."

Look, look.

Fine.

- ( Virgil screaming ) - Fine. Bye.

All right, all right.

Mm-mm-mm.

Good. Clean. Right.

No, it's not food time. You just ate.

No, no, it's not playtime either. It's work time.

Come on.

Virgil, look. Where's the dog?

Where is he?

Good. Good. Dog in.

Now where is he?

Where is he?

Good. Dog out.

Who am I? Who am I?

Do you remember? "Yellow hair." Do you remember?

Teri?

Good. Yellow hair.

That's right. Good.

What's this?

Help? No. Look.

Help? I don't know what that means.

Help what?

Help fly?

You mean this?

Shh shh shh.

No, it's not playtime.

No, it's Teri's work time.

Hey, enough.

Okay, how about

if I write your name on it?

Then it will be Virgil's alligator. Look.

No, no, it's not playtime.

All right, it's playtime.

Fast break, fast break.

Hurry. Ready?

Put it in, hurry. Dunk it.

Hurry, hurry.

Good, good, good.

Dr. Criswell.

What's up?

Good morning, Teri. I just heard from the NHF.

They've decided not to renew your grant.

Hey, Virgil.

I'm really, truly sorry.

At least you have enough material to write your thesis.

- And I think I can get the department-- - Wait a minute.

Here. Here you go.

Want to color? Want to color?

Look.

It's okay. It's okay.

All of us here recognize how remarkable the work you've done is.

And you know you have a good shot at a position on this faculty.

They're not taking Virgil away.

Teri, don't throw all that away because of an attachment to this animal.

Bring them here. Let them see how much he's learned.

- When they see how much he's learned-- - They don't care.

I've been on the phone with them all morning.

- It's like talking to a brick wall. - Well, I don't care.

I'm keeping him.

The National Health Foundation owns him.

I'll buy him.

And where are you going to find the $15,000?

I'll raise it.

Not to mention the $10,000 a year

for food and a veterinarian? Come on.

I'll get it.

We all knew this was a temporary arrangement when he got here.

I raised him.

He doesn't know anybody but me.

He's not gonna understand what's happening.

There's a new children's zoo in Houston.

I think he's going to be sent there.

He'll be well cared for and well loved.

Well, hello, my man.

You're in the air force now.

This is it. I'm through.

I'm dead. I'm done.

You've got to come up with something.

They'll never let me fly again.

They're gonna ground me forever.

Ground you?

You stole an airplane from the air force.

You had a girl and an open bottle of champagne in the cockpit.

I'm screwed.

You're gonna be lucky if they let you walk again.

- So what are you gonna say? - I don't know.

Okay, look.

Tell the colonel this girl is, like, terrified of flying.

She had a brother who was killed in a plane crash.

He got shot down in Vietnam.

So you took her up in your plane to get her over the fear.

That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

They'll see right through it.

You're right. You're screwed.

Come on, Garrett, let's get cleaned up. You gotta go see the colonel.

- So what are you gonna do? - The onIy thing I can do--

I'm gonna go in there. I'm gonna look him in the eye and tell him the truth.

Well, my girlfriend's brother was a fighter jock in Vietnam

and he got shot down over Hai Phong.

Anyway, ever since then, she's had this horrible fear of flying.

And I thought that the best way to get her over it

was to take her up and bring her back down again safe and sound.

In other words, you did it to get laid.

I suppose that's not entirely untrue.

Are you any relation to Jake Garrett?

He was my father, sir.

So why didn't you go to the Air Force Academy?

Well, I did.

I was asked to Ieave during my second year.

My instructors felt that I was spending too much time

concentrating on football.

Football?

Well, I wasn't actually on the team.

I was more of a statistician--

you know, player evaluation, team comparisons--

that kind of thing.

I ran a betting pool.

I am relieving you of your duty with the civil air patrol,

and I am reassigning you

until you can learn to obey orders.

"Experimental Pilot Performance Project."

Don't screw it up.