Kate & Koji

So, I said to her, I said,

"You're a perfectly attractive young woman.

"You're a perfectly attractive young woman.

"Why have you gone and done that to your face?

"Why have you gone and done that to your face?

"Your lips look like you've been attacked by a swarm of bees!"

"Your lips look like you've been attacked by a swarm of bees!"

And what did she say?

Well, it turned out she HAD been attacked by a swarm of bees, so...

Well, it turned out she HAD been attacked by a swarm of bees, so...

Right. So that's when they asked you to leave? Yeah.

Right. So that's when they asked you to leave? Yeah.

The groom was quite rude.

Surprising (!)

Yeah. I mean, I let it go,

cos the service was about to start.

cos the service was about to start.

Uh-huh.

I don't remember you having this many customers in February.

I don't remember you having this many customers in February.

I don't remember you having ANY customers in February.

I don't remember you having ANY customers in February.

Are they all here to see the doc?

Yeah. Well, he's doing very nicely out of it.

Yeah. Well, he's doing very nicely out of it.

Free nosh.

Beep, beep! Hey!

Oh, here comes Easy Rider.

HE RINGS BELL

Same time every morning. He's a menace!

Same time every morning. He's a menace!

If God had meant us to ride scooters,

If God had meant us to ride scooters,

he'd have given us one leg shorter than the other.

he'd have given us one leg shorter than the other.

Eh? I wouldn't mind

if he was ten years old. Well, you would.

if he was ten years old. Well, you would.

When that ten-year-old ran into you with his scooter that time,

When that ten-year-old ran into you with his scooter that time,

I remember you... Well... his mum said he needed counselling.

I remember you... Well... his mum said he needed counselling.

What is it with you and all this remembering stuff?

What is it with you and all this remembering stuff?

Some of us don't live in the past.

Some of us don't live in the past.

Says the woman who still calls the Internet "a fad".

Says the woman who still calls the Internet "a fad".

Yes, darling, what can I get you?

A flat white, please.

A flat white...?

A flat white...?

Coffee? That's the one.

Coffee? That's the one.

So... No, we just do coffee.

So... No, we just do coffee.

Do you do oat milk?

Are you allergic to cows' milk?

No.

Yeah, we do oat milk.

And then there's this.

And then there's this.

Now, it does look a bit like eczema.

Because it is eczema.

Though it also looks like impetigo.

Though it also looks like impetigo.

But it's eczema.

It bears a passing resemblance to chickenpox.

It bears a passing resemblance to chickenpox.

Now, come on, Mr Mulholland, I know you're a regular,

Now, come on, Mr Mulholland, I know you're a regular,

but you've had your ten minutes.

Well, I was hoping for a more detailed consultation

Well, I was hoping for a more detailed consultation

now I've gone private.

You haven't gone private. I'm not getting paid!

You haven't gone private. I'm not getting paid!

I only wanted toast. She made me buy a full English.

I only wanted toast. She made me buy a full English.

I'm not working.

Asylum seekers get their applications turned down

Asylum seekers get their applications turned down

if they are caught working.

I was hoping you'd take a look at my fungal patch.

I was hoping you'd take a look at my fungal patch.

Can you get athlete's foot on your testicles?

Can you get athlete's foot on your testicles?

We're not gonna find out today.

We're not gonna find out today.

Or ever. I did look up athlete's scrotum...

Or ever. I did look up athlete's scrotum...

But I ended up on a very strange webpage.

But I ended up on a very strange webpage.

Hypochondriacs plus the Internet.

Hypochondriacs plus the Internet.

It's paraffin plus a match.

Ah, but very good for business.

Er, Kate? I am most concerned that...

Er, Kate? I am most concerned that...

PINGING SOUND Oh.

Oh, no, you're all right. It's the microwave.

I am most concerned that this unofficial arrangement of ours is...

I am most concerned that this unofficial arrangement of ours is...

Side order of hash browns!

BELL RINGS

Morning, all.

That is a...

DOG SNARLS ..very imposing dog, Nicholas.

DOG SNARLS ..very imposing dog, Nicholas.

I'm not Nicholas. But you're Nick.

I'm not Nicholas. But you're Nick.

Yeah.

See, at school, I didn't have a nickname,

and I wanted one.

So they called me No Nickname as a nickname.

So they called me No Nickname as a nickname.

But that was too long, so...

But that was too long, so...

it just got shortened to Nick.

Right. Is Koji short for anything?

No, it's... It's a name.

No, it's... It's a name.

Yeah, but, you know... It's just a name.

The thing that people get called. OK?

OK.

Oi, genius.

What does the sign say?

What does the sign say?

"A glass of tap water is a privilege, not a right."

"A glass of tap water is a privilege, not a right."

No, not that one.

"No dogs". Out.

Come on, Khaleesi.

Come on, Khaleesi.

Come on.

I think I'm your last patient. Mm-mm.

I think I'm your last patient. Mm-mm.

I don't have patients. Er...

I chit-chat to customers.

And coincidentally,

that chit-chat may sometimes involve medical problems.

that chit-chat may sometimes involve medical problems.

OK...

What'd you do with the dog? Tied her up outside.

What'd you do with the dog? Tied her up outside.

Er...

She's a big soppy!

She'll be fine. As long as no-one surprises her.

She'll be fine. As long as no-one surprises her.

What, like that chugger did?

He just sort of leapt out! Hang about.

He just sort of leapt out! Hang about.

What, you've just...?

What, you've just...?

So now I've got a slavering great psychopath as a bouncer?

So now I've got a slavering great psychopath as a bouncer?

So now I've got a slavering great psychopath as a bouncer?

But you said... I might as well have a minefield

on my doorstep. But I...

on my doorstep. But I...

Oh, look, just bring her through and sling her out the back.

Oh, look, just bring her through and sling her out the back.

OK, yeah. Come on, Khaleesi!

OK, yeah. Come on, Khaleesi!

Khaleesi!

What kind of name's that for a dog?

What kind of name's that for a dog?

What happened to those proper dog names, like...

What happened to those proper dog names, like...

Sabre, and Gnasher, and Fang?

Sabre, and Gnasher, and Fang?

KHALEESI SNARLS

KHALEESI SNARLS

I thought you were painting those toilets today.

I thought you were painting those toilets today.

Oh, I was, but the theatre management

can't decide on how many genders to add.

With the symptoms you've described,

With the symptoms you've described,

I think you should get a blood test.

Just to check up you haven't got something, perhaps,

Just to check up you haven't got something, perhaps,

like hypothyroidism.

So tell my doctor you said I might have...

So tell my doctor you said I might have...

Ah, ah! No, no, no.

There's no need to mention me.

Just tell them you looked it up on the Internet.

Just tell them you looked it up on the Internet.

Oh, yeah. Doctors love that (!)

PINGING SOUND

Oh, it's OK, it's not a text.

Oh, it's OK, it's not a text.

The micro pings the same as the phone ping.

The micro pings the same as the phone ping.

Well, I can't unping my ping, so you'll have to reping your pings.

Well, I can't unping my ping, so you'll have to reping your pings.

Bye, darling. Bye.

Bye, Doc. So, Kate, how do you...

Bye, Doc. So, Kate, how do you...