The Outlaws

Yeah, quiet today. Quiet day.

Evening, guys. Be a force for good. Join the police.

Is joining the police force a job for you?

Do you like racially profiling people?

Are you a fan of frisking young black men for no reason?

Do you like beating confessions from the innocent?

Or, being photographed break dancing at carnival

when you should be doing your job? If so, join the police today!

Shopping in central Bristol was brought to a standstill today

as a woman, working alone,

hijacked a police recruitment stall in Broadmead Plaza.

Police took 40 minutes to seize the vehicle and arrest the driver,

who has been named as Myrna Okeke.

Rose, look, more leftie liberal terror on our streets.

..her car and drove through the busy shopping district...

John, I think there's someone in the house.

Probably the foxes at the bins again.

Hey!

Hey! Hey!

John! No!

No!

I'd just be happier if you call it a shovel.

Right. OK. And what time is the, uh, garden tool protest?

Guys.

I gave you a full 48 hours. What's your decision?

We're taking the money to the police.

I rushed you. Take more time.

No, we've made up our minds, Frank. No!

You've gone out of them.

Fine. Take your cut to the Dibbles if you want

but one third is mine and I'm keeping it.

No. It's all of us or none of us.

What are we, the Three Musketeers?

Listen, if you keep the money and the police come knocking,

we are all incriminated. OK?

So, we're going to collect it from you tonight and we will turn it in.

Guys!

Guys, we're standing here in a moment where everything

about our lives could change.

Let's just feel that. For a moment. Huh?

Group hug.

You touch me and I will beat you to death with this shovel

and then bury you with it.

Group hug.

Oh, my God.

Let's do porn star names.

So, it's the name of your first pet and the street that you grew up on.

So, mine is Flopsy Claypool.

Myrna? Misty Jutland.

Oh, I love it. John, first pet, street you grew up on.

No, you'll never know. They're my bank security questions.

You are no fun. Chris?

Never had a pet growing up. Then a neighbour's pet?

Fluffy Lambs Bottom.

Oh, amazing. What's going on?

We're doing porn star names.

So, it's the name of your first pet and the street that you grew up on.

Hamster High Street.

Sexy. Yeah. Rani? Rani?

Um. Eh, Tiddles Pendennis.

Yay. Greg! We're working out everyone's porn star name.

Oh, um,

I've always assumed I'd be called Long Dong Silver.

You know, if I had to go into porn. Great.

Well, that filled two minutes.

Hey. Everything OK?

Rani, what's going on?

Some men came to my house last night

And they said they'd kill my family.

Did they say who they were?

I know I involved myself in this, I do. I understand that. But...

..the moment when he, he grabbed me... Rani. Rani.

Did they say who they were? They, they were from the drug house.

They just, they wanted to know who robbed them. What did you say?

Nothing. I, I made something up about the van being stolen,

then they left. And your parents?

They weren't there. I, I was alone. OK, and did you tell them?

Did you, did you go to the filth? I didn't snitch on anyone.

Don't worry. Look, I just need to know everything.

It was fucking terrifying. They had masks on.

I, I couldn't see their faces.

So, there's not a lot I can tell you, OK?

I'm gutted you went through that. I really am.

Look, I just need to know what was said.

They said that they would come back.

They're from London, all right.

They won't stick around for long. It's way too risky.

They won't be back. I promise.

We're protesting tonight outside City Hall.

It's about the rise in hate crime. Totally ignored by the police.

Oh. Not just hate crimes though, is it?

People keep fly-tipping in the woodland behind my house

and the police just don't want to know.

We'd appreciate your support. Who's we, lovely?

Bristol Justice Collective. Who are they?

Social activism group I set up in 1980 after the St Paul's uprising.

Ooh! By uprising she means riots, of course.

It wasn't a riot, it was a spontaneous protest

against police racism.

With a bit of spontaneous looting thrown in.

So, kind of like the Black Lives Matter marches.

Yeah, that's the tragedy.

40 years later, we're still fighting. And looting.

You can't disenfranchise an entire underclass

and expect them not to revolt against the capitalist system.

It's just funny though, isn't it, how these, uh, revolutionaries

always seem to target JD Sports and the Apple store.

Books Etc never gets a look in.

I guess they have all the reading material they need

for the revolution. They're just running low on phones and trainers.

Just look at it as a corporation tax half of these companies don't pay.

You've been doing this since 1980?

I really struggle committing to a hair colour.

Well, we have limited time on this Earth.

I just feel like I should, you know, do everything I can to try

and make an impact.

Come along. We start at six. And what time's the looting?

I could just do with a new iPad.

Is your name John Halloran?

No, that's John Halloran.

Mr John Halloran, these belong to you.

What's this? This is notice that you've been served.

Mr Daryl Kennedy is suing you for damages and loss of earnings.

Are you joking? Loss of earnings? The guy's a thief.

He broke into my house!

Who are... Hey!

No social visits.

What does it say? That you beat up a youth.

He's suing you for racially aggravated assault. Oh, my God!

Don't. Listen, racism has got nothing to do with this.

There were two of them. Only reason I beat up the black guy

is because the white guy could run faster.

Which I wasn't expecting.

What? So, all black guys can run fast, yeah? Why's that?

So they can outrun cheetahs. Absolutely not what I'm saying.

Racially aggravated assault. You are a disgrace!

Do you have kids? No. No.

I wanted to change the world, not nappies.

So you don't know what it feels like

when you'll do anything to keep them safe.

I can imagine.

What does this mean legally?

Uh, best case it gets thrown out.

And worst case?

He takes you for everything.

Wow, guys. You really nailed that one. I'm blown away here.

Yo, we'll find him.

All right. I'm off out in a minute, actually.

I'm not staying. I just brought you some casserole.

With dairy in it? Does chicken count as dairy?

No need for sarcasm. I'm lactose intolerant.

Since when? Have you been reading the leaflets

in the doctor's waiting room again?

You know I have a problem with chronic wind.

No, we've been sisters half a century.

This is the first I've heard of your extreme farting.

Are you OK otherwise? Yep, I'm fine.

Don't need to keep popping around and feeding me.

I'm not your next door neighbour's cat.

I just worry about you all alone. I'm not alone.

I've got my group.

Speaking of which, I joined a group you might like.

We go on hikes. Although they're not really hikes.

They're more like long walks.

The guy who runs it spent time in Los Angeles

and apparently hikes are a big thing in Hollywood.

So was Harvey Weinstein. It's a lovely bunch of people.

There's an architect, two accountants

and a woman who once met Tony Hadley from Spandau Ballet.

Oh, I bet that was a thrill.

Also, the guy that set up the group, Marcus, is single,

has all his own hair and teeth...

Yvonne, how many times?

I don't want to be fixed up.

You need to meet people, Myrna.

You literally have no friends.

My group are my friends.

Just come along today. I can't today.

I'm trying to end racism.

Well, if you get that done by five give me a ring.

Well, look, you've come all this way now,

you might as well leave the casserole.

Bye, then.

See ya.

Your dad told me in no uncertain terms

to stick my offer up my feckin' arse. Hmm.

Well, that was before my turn.

Does he know about this meeting?

I don't need permission from my father, Graham.

Oh. I run things now.

And how bad are things?

Oh, no, it's nothing like that.

Dad's retired, you know. I want to spend more time with the kids.

Oh, don't bullshit a bullshitter.

I heard you had some Chinese company sniffing around.

That's absolutely true.

But, I'm not going to do business, uh, with the,

with the Chinese.

I mean, I still haven't forgiven them for Coronavirus, hmm?

Listen, Graham, we both know that 40% is a very