Bridesmaids

- I'm so... - I'm so glad you called.

I'm so glad you were free.

God, I love your eyes.

Okay, now what?

Cup my balls.

- Okay, yes. - All right. I can do that.

- Oh! There it is. - There we go.

That feels good.

You know what to do.

Okay, you know what? Slow it down, slow it down.

Okay. Slow it down.

There we go. How's that?

That's good, nice and slow. See? Doesn't that feel good?

Yeah. No, I want to go fast.

You want to go fast? Fast.

Yeah. No...

Oh, yeah. That feels good.

Oh, Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. You know what? I think...

I think maybe we are on different rhythms here.

I was having a nightmare. I was so scared.

Good morning.

You look beautiful.

No, I'm sure I look terrible.

I just woke up. Are you kidding?

I'm sure I'm a mess.

You slept over.

I did.

I thought we had a rule against that.

I'm kidding.

That was funny. I'm kidding.

You're funny in the morning.

I like hanging out with you. Oh. Yeah.

I love hanging out with you. I think we get along really well

and you're so sexy.

I know.

I just have a lot coming up at work

and I don't want to make promises I can't keep.

You know what I mean? I know you do.

Yeah. We're on the same page.

I'm not looking for a relationship right now, either. Let's just say that.

Whatever you wanna... I can do...

I'd rather just... I like simple... I'm not like other girls.

I'm not like, "Be my boyfriend!" Unless you were like, "Yeah!"

Then I'd be like, "Maybe."

But let's not.

I don't want that either.

This is so awkward. I really want you to leave,

but I don't know how to say it without sounding like a dick.

Come on! Hands behind your heads! Let's go! Sit-ups!

You're looking like pieces of bacon on a plate.

It's disgusting! I smell the fat!

- He scares me. - Me, too.

But he's an excellent motivator.

That's true.

What are you looking at?

Oh, Shit, he sees us. Oh, God.

Hey! Hey!

If you want to take this class,

you're going to have to pay for it

like the rest of these bitches!

What, are you dancing? In the park... Dance class?

You are not dancing. You are not dancing in the park!

- Go, go, go, go! - Freeloaders!

I'm coming over there.

- Is he coming? - I'm coming after you!

Sorry, Rodney. We're on a budget.

- Oh, come on! - It's only 12 bucks!

Oh, my God!

Come on! You fucking freeloaders.

We are out of our minds. I know.

That's okay. I'm so glad that we got to do this.

I feel like I haven't seen you in forever.

I've been in Chicago a lot.

I know. Sleeping at Dougie's house.

Well, it's just closer to work.

How is it going with him anyway?

I don't know. I mean, it's fine,

but I just feel like he's been distant lately.

And I don't know...

He calls me "dude" a lot.

That doesn't mean anything.

I think everything is fine.

I don't know. Anyway,

what did you do last night?

What did you do last night?

You are not telling me something.

I hung out with Ted for a little bit.

I knew it! We had fun.

It was fun. Here's what I don't like about it.

You hate yourself after you see him, every time.

And then we go through this, and then you feel like shit,

and it's almost like you're doing it

because you feel bad about yourself.

He called me late, and we hung out.

It wasn't a big deal. And you know what? It was fun.

You had sex with him.

We had an adult sleepover.

Did you let him sleep over in your mouth?

Annie! I'm sorry!

You're unbelievable. He kept putting it near my face.

They do that, don't they?

Why do they do that? Let us offer.

If we don't offer...

Please. You're supposed to slap it away.

I couldn't.

You don't want to look right at it.

No.

It's too aggressive. It's like...

"Hello."

That's my impression.

Those are the balls?

Yeah. I'm trying to make it round,

but I can't because I have elbows.

He is so hot, though.

Look, I know you say he's cute and all that stuff,

but it makes you feel like shit, you know?

You're a total catch, and any guy

would be psyched to be your man.

You should just make room

for somebody who is nice to you.

You know what? He's honest!

He told me that we are what we are

and we're just having fun. And I like that.

He also told you that you need dental work. He's an asshole.

I don't need dental work.

You're right.

There is nothing wrong with my teeth.

You are so beautiful.

Will you marry me? Yes.

I love you.

I don't want to go to work today.

Let's see how many times Terry's called me.

Oh! Only 15!

You know what, Terry? I don't want

to pick up your monkey lamps. Sorry!

Monkey lamps?

I cannot wait to never work for a psychopath again.

Oh! Annie!

I'm sorry. I should have gone down Mason.

Well, I'm the genius that opened a bakery during the recession.

They were good cakes, Annie.

Thank you.

Come on. Look away, look away, look away.

Do you have any ideas of styles?

I don't know. What do you think, honey?

Whatever you want.

Look at how you guys are making this decision together.

That's sweet. You guys love each other?

Yeah. Yeah.

That's sweet. That will go away.

You cannot trust anybody, ever.

Especially someone you're in a relationship with.

'Cause they're living with you, you don't

know who you're sleeping next to. It is scary.

I mean, look at him. He may not even be Asian.

It is scary.

So did you guys want to look at these engagement rings?

We're going to browse. Okay, sure.

I'll be here.

Thank you.

What was that about?

Nothing. They had to run. They had to go somewhere.

And no wonder. You're selling lifelong happiness.

You're not telling everyone about your problems

and how your boyfriend left you,

and maybe marriage will work out.

Show me your "love is eternal" face.

No, that's two years, four years tops. That is not eternal.

Kahlua, can you come over here for a second, please?

What's up, Don-Don?

You make up the best nicknames.

You don't need a nickname because Kahlua is so delicious.

Don't sue me for touching you.

Show Annie your "love is eternal" face.

That looks like you have menstrual cramps.

Thank you so much, Kahlua.

Now, why can't you be more like Kahlua?

Look, I'm trying really hard.

You've just got to try harder.

The whole reason you have got this job, Annie,

is because your mom is my sponsor in AA, and I'm doing her a favor.

I understand.

Oscar, get back to work.

You shouldn't be behind the counter.

Andrew, you are not the father!

That's great. Yeah.

Stop that. Don't do that.

Hey, Brynn.

Oh, hey, roomie.

Guess what happened to me today. What?

I got a free tattoo. You did what?

I could not believe it. The guy said, "Do you want a tattoo?"

Just a random...

Yeah, opened up the side of his van. No.

He said, "it's for free!" And I said, "Sure."

You said yes? Yeah!

Yeah. Look. See here?

What is it?