The Nanny

Oh, Miss Fine, it's been two weeks.

The mourning period has to end.

Oh, it's just so tragic,

I mean, it shouldn't have been.

A lot of people screw up their first dates.

Now, get out of those depressing clothes.

No.

I need to wear this.

It gives me closure.

Besides, black is slimming.

And I'm gonna need it.

There's nothing more pathetic than a woman who eats

out of frustration because she doesn't have a man.

Do you have any more of this mesquite barbecue sauce?

'Cause it's really yummy.

Just forget it, Brighton. It's never gonna happen.

Never gonna happen? Just because I screwed up with Elton John

you're not gonna date me_

Oh, you meant Brighton.

I won a radio contest and the winner gets Brian Setzer

to shoot a video in their house.

Brian Setzer, I love him. He used to be a Stray Cat.

I've been listening to him since the early '80s.

Is it true back then people used to listen to their music

on some sort of primitive,

large, black, vinyl disc?

Only when we weren't enjoying our favorite past-time.

Child hurling.

Dad, it's_

The answer, Brighton, is still no.

But what's the big deal? I mean, it's three hours on a Friday night.

Look, maybe your father has plans Friday night.

Dinner for two, 'al fresco', at Nello's,

starting with the fried artichokes, God willing.

No, I do not have plans Friday night.

And I am not leaving this house.

But...

You want one?

I can't believe they won't let you have a cat in the dorm.

Mmh.

Hey, you told me that your cousin had a pet and she went to Columbia.

A chicken, at the University of Bogota.

Oh, wow, aren't you hot stuff?

You know who you remind me of?

Barbara Stanwyck from "The Big Valley."

Fran; I just want to look cool for when they come

to check out the house for the music video.

Oh, by the way, how can I thank you for getting Dad to say yes?

Get your Dad to say yes.

Brighton; You are so pathetic.

I mean, he walks around the house all day with his guitar

and he doesn't even know how to play.

Hey, you wear a bra.

Hey, at least I've actually seen one.

-Why don't you just shut up? -You shut up.

Hey, knock it off. You're young adults, stop acting like children.

Hi. Come on in.

Who are you?

Bobbi Flekman, VP of Record Promotions.

Say hello to my assistant, Chloe.

-Hello... -Shh!

I'm talking on the phone.

You know they're so sweet, they're so fresh.

Come on, they're the hottest bands in town.

Don't you love Wu-Tang Clan?

With chicken or pork?

Yeah, well if you saw her you'd understand.

Brighton, the record lady's here.

I'm Fran Fine; The nanny.

Nanny, you're sure living fat.

I'm just retaining a little. See, I had some salty fish last night.

Shh. You, don't talk so much.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you lose your train of thought?

No, it's just your voice is so annoying, honey.

Hi, I'm Brighton Sheffield;

It's such an honor to... -I'm nobody.

Hi, I'm Brighton Sheffield, it's such an honor to meet you.

What a handsome boy. You're gonna look great in all the publicity pictures.

Chloe, make a note, let's get some color on this milquetoast punim.

Where's the father?

I've gotta have him sign some of these release forms.

God, that was so weird. She looked just like you.

Really?

Oh, maybe in about 10 years.

Who are you?

Oh, Bobbi Flekman. Wow, aren't we chic?

But what's with B'nai B'rith Barbie out there?

-Haha. -Ha, ha, ha

We're gonna get along just fine. C.C. Babcock,

I'm Maxwell Sheffield's partner.

Oh? A partner.

Well, it's nice to meet a sister who's made it to the top.

Where's your office?

I travel a lot. Sometimes I work here,

and sometimes I work...

here.

Uh-huh.

Well, where's your partner? He's the guy I'm really trying to nail down.

Well, get in the line.

Do we have the hots for our boss?

Have we seen our boss?

Honey; You look like a smart woman.

You're not, but you look like one.

Baby, you're a doormat, an old shoe. No man is worth this.

Stop being a masochist.

I am not a masochist.

Well, don't go...

Oh, my God, Bobbi.

Maxwell Sheffield; You know, I knew that name

sounded familiar. How the heck are you?

I'm great, I'm great.

You know, we go back to London days.

I tried to get him to produce my friend's play,

but he thought it was a dog.

What was the name of it? "Hair."

"Cats" and "Hair"?

So listen, Bobbi, we have to have dinner together.

All right.

-C.C.; Are you doing anything? -No.

Oh, great, make reservations for us, would you?

Oh, Miss Babcock, I feel so sorry for you.

You're going to be alone and miserable for the rest of your life.

You heard what just happened?

No, what just happened?

-Miss Fine! Thank God. -What?

Get in there, flirt with Max.

Why are you wearing pants?

Let's put it this way. If I miss one more waxing appointment,

I'm going to be pulling a beer wagon for Budweiser.

There's a gorgeous woman shamelessly throwing herself at Maxwell.

I know, but I blew it on the first date.

Not you, Bobbi Flekman.

Now go in.

You know, put on a shirt skirt and get in there and flirt.

It's too late. The man hates me.

So you blew it.

Are you going to let one lousy date discourage you?

You wuss.

I didn't even let his wife stand in my way.

You think I'm pathetic now?

You should have seen me as her maid-of-honor.

Forget it. He's never going to ask me out again.

It's only because he's torn between you and the other woman he loves.

Who?

Me.

Don't you see?

Bobbi Flekman is an amalgamation of the two of us.

She is everything he is searching for in a woman.

-Beauty, brains and a slut. -Hey.

You know, you may be on to something.

Ooh!

You know what's wrong with this whole relationship

between me and Mr. Sheffield; Don't you?

I'm not in it.

Well, maybe Mr. Sheffield and Bobbi Flekman are just friends.

You're always saying how you want to meet new people.

Well, that's different, Val. That's me!

What the hell does he need to meet new people for?

Everybody he needs to know is right here.

Yeah. And you know what I don't get is,

how can he be attracted to you and her?

The guy's taste is all over the map.

You know, this isn't even really about me, Val.

I'm concerned about the children.

I mean, she's a career woman. Kids are just an imposition to her.

-Fran... -What?

-Val; Would you go? -Yeah.

Oh, Ma.

Have you ever been concerned about

losing Daddy?

Once.

He was sexually attracted to Kate Smith.

How I get any action from that chubby chaser I'll never know.