The Boys & Girl from County Clare

One, two.

Back in a few days, love.

All right?

Mind yourself.

And don't get carried away at the shops.

I'm not made of money, you know.

Of course, love.

Jimmy, you bring that trophy back,

and I'll get a place ready for it on top of the telly.

And take it handy with the car.

It's not paid for yet.

Hey, how are you lads?

All right?

Look good.

One, two.

Woah, woah, hold it, hold it.

Woah, woah, woah, woah, hold it.

Hold it.

What the,

you.

Louis fucking Stronghelm.

Who, me?

Yes, you, you pillock.

What the fucking hell you think you're doing?

Playing a tune.

You were playing jazz.

In case you haven't noticed, this is a ceili band.

There's no fucking jazz in ceili music.

Play the tune.

I was playing the tune.

No you weren't.

You were playing around the tune.

There's a difference.

Stick to the melody.

Just adding a bit of spice.

You know.

It doesn't need spice.

You want spice, go down to a curry house.

Now this is the last practice we're going to have

before we get in the ferry tonight,

so I would appreciate a bit of concentration.

It's gonna be rough out there

and I don't just mean the Irish Sea.

The competition is going to be good.

Sorry, Jim.

You don't understand, son.

We're not playing games here.

This is serious stuff.

I just want to play music, Jimmy.

It's all I've ever wanted to do.

And play music you shall, son.

You're a brilliant musician.

You're one of the best I've ever heard.

But we are not playing jazz.

Leave that to the Beatles.

Right.

From the top maestros.

Clive, are you ready?

Go on ahead, Jimmy.

I'll be there in a minute.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Anne.

That's grand.

Well, it's a start anyway.

Pint, Patsy, please.

Right John Joe.

Beautiful playing, Anne.

John Joe.

What now, Pat?

What am I doing wrong?

- You mean apart from playing the accordion?

Must be something.

You never remark on my playing like you do Anne's.

- Well that's because her music comes from the gods, Pat.

Yours, however, like mine,

is significantly more Earth bound.

No remarks necessary.

Why do we only play Clare tunes?

Why can't we mix it up a bit?

- Because we're musicians from County Clare.

- Does that mean we're not going to play any polkas?

You do and I'll put your balls

in that thing and slap it shut.

Let's just stick to the sets we know.

Leave the carry tunes to the carrymen.

Now, John Joe.

- Our stuff was good enough to win last year.

And it'd be good enough to win this year, too.

- I heard maybe there's a band coming from Liverpool

to compete this year.

Well, then again, maybe there isn't.

For fuck's sake, Tell,

you're not driving your old man's zimmerframe.

The ferry's gonna leave without us.

Drop the fucking piano, will ya?

Hey, hey,

can't chuck the fucking piano from the van

without telling me.

Piss off, Roger.

Step on it.

- Be there quicker than you can say, "Nat's knickers."

- Careful, you'll miss the turn for the ferry.

There, there, turn.

Knickers.

Make sure they don't make it on time.

Here's your money.

Consider it done.

Hos-gaw label, please.

Large.

Lads, gents.

Lads.

A moment.

Lads, lads.

Just so you know,

we are going to bring back something special from this trip.

Yeah, Teddy's virginity.

Still intact.

The Irish ceili band trophy.

Victory.

Jimmy.

Do you really think we're gonna win?

Put it this way, Roger,

if we lose,

you're all walking home.

Lex.

What?

Is he serious?

About what?

You know, us walking home if we lose.

Didn't you bring your?

Here, puss.

Puss, puss, puss, puss.

Where the cat?

Puss, puss, puss, puss.

Johnny.

Johnny cat.

Where are you?

Come on.

Where are you?

Puss, puss, puss, puss.

Johnny cat.

Hi.

Piss on your own bed, you moldy ower.

How long's it been?

On 20 years.

You're doing well, Finch.

That's why I left.

Move meself up in the world.

20 years.

It's a long time.

Yeah.

A long time.

I'll bet nothing's changed.

Well, we'll see, won't we?

Want a drink?

No.

No, I'll just finish this,

put me head down.

But you go ahead, enjoy yourself.

Oh and,

keep an eye on the lads.

Make sure they don't drink too much.

No problem dear, Jimmy.

They're a good bunch.

Even so.

Need to be at our best.

You set an example.

Know what you mean, Jimmy.

Right you are.

Fucking out.

Fucking.

Oh yes.

Everyone gets that after 20 pints, George, don't worry.

- There's nothing any bloody soap in any of these?

Oh, Jesus.

Better you than me.

Morning, lads.

You sleep well?

Oh, luxurious accommodations, Jimmy.

Here, I'll have that.

Get yourself another one.

Morning, Rog.

Morning.

Sleep?

Like a baby.

Rog?

- I rescued these for you last night, mate.

Member?

They're not mine.

No.

I got mine.

See.

What's the matter with him?

Dunno.

Customs, sir.

Pull over there.

What do you mean, pull over?

Morning, sir.

Morning.

Have you anything to declare?