Grandfathered

Go ahead, order anything you want. It's on the house!

Because you are the house.

That's right, I'm the house, baby.

Look at us.

Yeah, it's been two months,

and you still get a kick out of me.

We'll see how I'm feeling at three.

Improved By: Fidel33 Sub Upload Date: May 17, 2016

Yes, son?

- Ooh, nice jacket. - Mm-hmm.

Dressin' for successin'.

Rhymin' like a...

I don't have it.

Anyway, we need to talk about birthday party.

Oh, Gerald.

I had no idea.

How old are you turning? Wait, no, no, no, no.

Don't tell me. I'm great at this.

Uh...

Ooh.

Taking a while.

Forget it. You know what?

Your unusual man-boy quality is making it impossible.

I know, right? Look it.

He-he's got a baby face,

- yet a 5:00 shadow. - Mm-hmm.

That's it. Man, boy, man, boy, man...

Oh! Yeah, this is fun.

Yeah, but it's actually not my birthday.

It's my dad's.

On Saturday, he's turning...

- 50, 50. - (GASPS)

Guilty. Big five-O.

- It's a big one. - Wait, it is your 50th birthday?

- Mm-hmm - Why didn't you tell...?

- (PHONE RINGING) - Oh, wait, sorry.

Hello?

Oh, wait, it's the woman Olivia Pope is based off of.

Excuse me, I have to take it.

Hi, Judy. How can I help?

I'm confused.

Oh, that's Kerry Washington's

character on Scandal.

Yeah, thank you. Uh, no.

Aren't you turning 51?

You know who's 50? Robert Downey Jr.

And he pulls the "Jr." off like it's nothing.

You know who's 51?

The guy who voices Gollum,

Wanda Sykes,

Bernie Sanders.

I'm just getting used to being 50.

I'm not ready to be fifty...

- Babe? - What, babe?

I am throwing you

a 50th birthday party to end all parties.

- No. - It is not up for discussion.

I'll come back to plan,

but first I got to go meet Jada for sushi.

Okay. Mm!

- Bye, Gerald. - Bye, Catherine.

Jada Pinkett Smith.

Do all fancy black women know each other?

Pretty much.

You two are right on the line right about now.

How long have you been sitting there?

Long enough to hear you're having

a 50th birthday party, which confused me,

because didn't we do that a year ago?

But you didn't know me back then,

so now I get to go.

Yeah. At least this time, we can

do it without that hairy donut on your face.

Oh, come on, that goatee looked good and you know it.

Yeah, it did.

You totally pulled it off.

Play "Happy Birthday."

Morning, sexy.

Hi.

Is today your birthday?

It is.

Really? Oh, I could've sworn...

Yeah, it's okay, Katie, sometimes...

Rachel.

Right.

Yes.

Names.

Thanks for coming down.

I'm always here.

My boyfriend's out of town

- playing a gig this weekend. - Oh.

Oh, a "gig" is another word for a concert.

And I know that because my boyfriend is in the biz.

The "biz" meaning the music bus...

We get it... your boyfriend's a musician.

Okay, so this is what I'm thinking.

I'm thinking we have a big blowout here at the restaurant.

Shotgun, dessert! I call dessert. Dibs! No backsies!

Ah, ah, I got dessert.

Sorry, I thought dessert was gonna go quick.

No, no, this is exciting. It's exciting.

So let's plan the party for maybe...

Hey, hey, hey.

What are you three doing hanging around here for...?

Are you guys planning a party for me?

If so, don't, 'cause last year was a hot mess.

Now, if you want to celebrate me...

and I understand the draw...

then a nice family dinner would hit the spot.

Shotgun, dessert!

You're doing dessert. No one else wants it.

- Okay. Okay, family dinner.

Well, I know Florida's not right around the corner,

but what do you think... maybe we should invite your dad?

Oh...

That's not necessary. He's a busy man.

I-I'd never ask him to come all the way out here

for a silly birthday party.

Great news, I convinced my dad

to fly out for my big birthday party.

You have a dad?

I always just imagined he hatched from a leather egg.

Aw, man, we wore the same beard to work.

Ooh!

What is going on with that thing?

I feel like there's less there than there was yesterday.

Can't believe it... my dad's gonna finally see my restaurant.

You guys are gonna love Jack Martino.

I mean, if I was ever gonna be a dad,

I'd want to be a dad just like him.

But it's totally hypothetical,

'cause I'm never gonna have a son, right?

Okay, once we send in our application,

if it's approved, CoParentPro will be

available on the App Store.

Ah, we're gonna be like Shazam!

Yeah, if God is good, we'll be like Shazam.

Yeah.

All right, all I got to do is hit send.

I can't do it.

You do it. Do it?

- Nah, I can't do it. - Do it.

- Just do it. - I have bad juju.

Edie, you do it.

Press send.

Ooh, let's do this.

- Ah, go for it. - Ah, okay.

- Send. - (COMPUTER CHIMES)

- Ah, yes! - Ah, yay!

- Good job, bobo. - Oh, man.

Who would've ever thought the three of us would end up here?

Listen, I'm really not supposed to tell you this,

but you can buy this exact phone on the Internet

for, like, 50 bucks less.

Comes with a free case, so

I mean, do you what you want,

but don't be an idiot.

My baby mama, Vanessa.

We were on the same cell phone

sales force for over a year.

And then one fateful night,

I caught her at her absolute lowest point.

Yeah.

Four hard lemonades

and one defective organic condom later,

and booyah!

I'm a 24-year-old cell phone salesman

with a half-Cuban baby that looks nothing like me.

It's a tale as old as time.

I mean, she says we're just friends

raising a kid together, but I think

we both know what that means, don't we?

I'll just go to the mall.

All right.

Hey.

Hey, what's up?

- Are you hungry? - Ah, nah.

I just had a huge sandwich for lunch.

It was like the size of my arm... you should've seen it!

Oh, I would've loved to have seen that sandwich.

You maybe want to eat dinner with me tonight?

Sure. Will your mom watch Edie?

Yeah, yeah, she's just gonna stay in

and hang out with her friends.

Oh, you mean those weird

divorced ladies she's always with?

Yeah.

They're the worst.

Yeah.

And then she said she'd come.

I knew it! I knew it!

Thank you, guys.

Man, see, this is why you're my best friends.

Oh, sweetie, this is so great.

Not that you just called Anna, Deb and Marsha

your best friends, but the part

- about Vanessa! - Thanks.

So, any tips for tonight or...?

Wear the olive-green turtleneck I knit you.

Let your neck be a sexy surprise for later.