The Lonely Guy

*

* When life was just empty rooms *

* For company I talked to the moon *

* I danced along to my own song *

* That no one could hear

* When nights were silent and dark *

* I'd lie in shadows stare at the stars *

* The quiet voice that lifted my heart *

* Was always so clear

* It told me

* The chance for love comes without warning *

* So don't stop looking for it *

* Yeah, love comes without warning *

* So be ready for love

* Yours are the eyes

* I have spent my life looking for *

* If they're not telling lies *

* You were looking for me

* I want to tell everyone

* Who's waiting in the dark for the sun *

* Before your chance in life is gone *

* You'll be in the light

* Remember

* The chance for love comes without warning *

* So don't stop looking for it *

* Yeah, love comes without warning *

* So be ready for love

*

This film is dedicated to lonely guys everywhere.

Lonely guys have been with us since the beginning of time.

There's one there. Poor guy.

Another New Years Eve alone in the cave.

Even a thousand years from now,

the lonely guy will still be there.

Look at this guy.

That couple will go down in history.

All he gets to do is eat roast beef from a tube.

So all you lonely guys out there, this film is for you.

It's for guys like that guy, Chin Loo Fung in Canton, China.

He's got 14 married brothers and sisters,

yet still eats alone in a Chinese restaurant four nights a week.

It's for Mbowie Zoomba, another lonely guy.

While he's happy that cable TV has been installed in his area,

he'd really like to meet a nice girl with attractive lip lace.

And it's for Larry Hubbard...

Hey, that's me, fifth one down. I'll take over the narration.

Hi, I'm Larry Hubbard. This is the story of how I became a lonely guy.

I came to Manhattan to be a writer.

While I was working on my novel, I took a job at a greeting card firm.

It was working out pretty well.

What are you working on, Hubbard?

An idea I had for a new kind of sympathy card.

"I know how much your loss must grieve you,

"but here's a thought I'd like to leave you:

"Although you're sad remember that...

now God is petting your pussycat."

Beautiful! Hubbard!

Congratulations! You're moving up. Thank you, sir.

Get your things and take the front desk. Yes, sir!

Finley, Harrison, Annenberg, Leach. Yes, sir?

Stop whatever you're doing. I want pet cards.

Birthday, anniversary. And not just cats and dogs.

I want hamsters, fish, parakeets.

I was always lucking into things like that.

New York had been pretty good to me.

The best part was, I'd met this gorgeous ballet dancer named Danielle.

She was nuts about me and asked me to move right in with her.

Every day at 5:30, she'd have bathed, perfumed,

put on a sexy nightie...

and be waiting alone in a big bed just for me.

Hi, Danielle. Tarzan is here.

Oh, one second while I look through my mail here.

Oh, geez.

Hey, a rejection from a completely new publisher.

They're finally getting to know me in this town.

Hi, honey. You miss me?

So, what'd you do today? Anything interesting? Ohhh.

You gotta get out of the house.

You can't mope around all day waiting for me to come home.

*

Ohhh.

This your cigar in here, honey?

All ready for me I can see, huh?

Mmm. You smell good.

I don't believe you!

You come home, you find me in bed with another man,

you act as if nothing's going on.

Larry, this is my lover, Raoul.

We're lovers. Understand?

Hi, Raoul. Larry Hubbard. Nice to meet you. Yeah, hi.

Have you known Danielle long?

Yes, we're dancers in the same company.

Dancer? I thought they were all... Yes.

Well, Raoul's not! Raoul's all man.

Yeah.

And he's moving in tonight. After The Nutcracker.

He's bringing his things over in the morning.

Bringing his things over? There's hardly enough room for our things!

Your things are going! I've already packed them!

They're in the hall beside the garbage, and you can take 'em out all together.

I know I'm behaving strange. Probably real strange.

I've never been in a situation like this before.

I don't know how to handle it.

So I was waiting, calmly,

patiently, reasonably,

'til I do figure out how to handle this kind of situation.

Hold it. I think I've got it.

Yes, yes.

What the hell's going on here? What's he doing in this bed?

You disgust me, both of you!

I'm getting out of here, and I never want to see you in my life again!

I think I handled that rather well.

Oh, Larry, don't forget the garbage.

I had no place to stay, nowhere to go.

There was no one to talk to. I must've looked pitiful.

That's the good thing about living in a city like New York.

At least nobody I knew was gonna see me like this.

Larry? Larry Hubbard? Is that you?

Hey, Larry, how are you? Jack. Jack Bedwood.

Oh, hi. You're looking good. How's it going?

How does it look? Pretty good, huh?

How's it going with you?

Oh, just taking a walk. I like to get out of the house every once in a while.

I heard about you and Danielle breaking up.

It just happened 15 minutes ago.

I just spoke to her. We were very close. We had an affair.

- When was that? - About four weeks ago.

Every morning after you'd go to work.

But you knew about that, didn't you?

Sure! We had an understanding. We were very today people.

Yeah. Hey, say hello to my wife Verna. Hello.

Hi. And this is my girlfriend Freida.

Hi. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

We got a little apartment here on the West Side.

One big room and a 40-foot mattress.

Anytime you're in the neighborhood, just drop in, okay?

And don't be so broken up about Danielle. She already dumped Raoul.

- She has? - Yeah. She's living with a rock group now.

Oh. Well, okay.

You take it easy, huh? See you around.

Yeah. Come on, baby.

- Hi. - Hi.

Warren Evans. Larry Hubbard.

Hi, Larry. Hi.

First-time lonely guy?

What's a lonely guy?

My girl Melanie just left me.

What'd she leave you for?

She came home last night, found some guy robbing her apartment.

They just hit it off.

Gee, that sounds tough. It was tough.

It's probably for the best. She's really started to let herself go.

Drank a lot, never bathed, fat.

Hey, don't worry. You'll meet another girl. Not like Melanie.

No, better than Melanie. You're not gonna stay lonely forever, are ya?

I'm not.

Well.

Where're you headed?

Um... I guess I have to look for an apartment, huh?

Take it from an experienced lonely guy.

Be very careful looking for an apartment.

'Cause from now on, that apartment's gonna be your best friend.

A lot of lonely guys, just to get off the street, tend to grab the first thing...

that looks better than a Borneo death cell.

Thanks. My pleasure.

Warren gave me a lot of tips, like:

It's very important to find an apartment with a feeling of space.

Right here.

The view is very important psychologically.

In a moderate price range, you can't expect anything too beautiful,

but a lonely guy should watch out for the depressing.

A river view is great...

as long as you're above the river.

And you mustn't be fooled by classy-looking neighborhoods.

Sometimes your classiest-looking neighborhoods

have the highest crime rates.

Don't live here. Bad neighborhood.

What a view, and you can almost see the river!

See, this has the pacing room I need. I'm working on a novel.

This apartment could really be my friend. I'll take this.

All right, fine, but before you can sign the lease,

there are a few questions I'd like to ask. What?

"Do you have any dogs, cats, children, or friends of ethnic extraction?

"Do you ever get personal phone calls after midnight?

"Do you go to dinner with people in show business?

"Do you ever put substances up your nose or any other open bodily passage?

Is there anyone in your acquaintance

who has a sexually communicable disease?"

No dogs, no cats, no children, no foreign friends.

No late phone calls, no show business dinners, no disgusting substances.

No acquaintances with sexually communicable diseases.

Except that Uncle Harry once developed a rash after an affair with a waitress,

but he covered it with a tattoo of a dragon so nobody would notice.

Thank you very much. That seems satisfactory.

You can move in the day after tomorrow. You'll fit in very well.

Thank you. You wanna go to dinner?

I'm a man.

This is getting drastic. I don't have anything in my place.

I just left with a suitcase. I lost my comb.

This morning I had to brush my hair with my toothbrush.