Ken Jeong: You Complete Me, Ho

The Hangover...

Community...

Dr. Ken...

Crazy Rich Asians...

Give it up for Ken Jeong!

Oooooh!

Goddamn!

Goddamn!

Thank you so much!

Fuck!

Oh, my God, I don't even know what to say.

- This is... - I love you, Ken!

I love you too, bitch.

I do.

This is my first...

This is my first stand-up special ever.

So, thank you, guys.

- - Ever!

This is the club where I got my start, man!

It's... The Ice House is like, amazing.

We're like family.

I wanted to do my first Netflix special in a club

because every Netflix special you fucking see is in an auditorium.

It's in a big theater.

And, I tell you, live comedy begins in the motherfucking clubs.

We want to keep that shit real!

Club folk.

And it's an honor for me to entertain the lowers.

Now...

Anyway, some people may know this, some people not...

I used to be a doctor...

...at Kaiser-fucking-Permanente.

And then I said, "Fuck that shit!

I'll be naked and famous in a movie,

make some moolah."

And that is what makes America great. Am I right, guys?

My God! My God!

I was a general practitioner, all right?

We are the dumbest of all doctors, all right?

Like, in general, we knew nothing. We're stupid, okay?

Like, if a patient came up to me and said, "What do I have?"

"Well, in general, you're sick, so I'll refer you to a specificist."

Do you know what I mean?

"I don't know. See someone else. I'm a day drunk, all right?

Welcome to Kaiser."

Anyway...

I'm kidding. Dude, Dr. Ken, that show I was on...

I modeled that HMO after Kaiser.

Dude, everything about Kaiser...

I owe my livelihood to Kaiser Permanente.

Actually, I met my wife at work, all right?

She's a doctor.

She's Vietnamese.

Doctor... Last name, "Ho." I'm not fucking making that shit up.

I married a "Ho," okay?

Dude, that's like a wet dream to a comic.

I can say anything the fuck I want, and it's street-legal,

you know what I mean?

"Get in the car, Ho!" I can say that.

"Make me some rice, Ho!"

"You complete me, Ho." You know?

I can say that because I'm sensitive, by the way.

And Koreans, we're the most sensitive people on the fucking planet.

Where are the Koreans in the house? Koreans in the house?

Yeah, we are the hottest-tempered of all Asians.

We are the angriest of all the...

That means "Hello" in Korean.

All right, so...

You're Vietnamese?

Just out of curiosity, what's your last name?

- Ho. - Ho.

Don't you ever upstage me again, Ho.

Don't you ever be funnier than me, Ho.

How dare you? This is my Netflix special, Ho!

What's your first name?

- What's your first name? - Tran.

Is your real name... Is your first name "Tran"?

My wife's fucking first name is Tran!

- Really? - Yeah, my wife's fucking first name

is Tran-fucking-Ho!

What do you do for a living? And if you say "doctor,"

I'm going to fuck myself, all right?

You're not a doctor, right?

Fuck me.

- What the fuck? Is your last... - Ho.

Your last... Are you fucking kidding me?

Your last name is fucking "Ho"?

Fuck you Hos, all right?

Fuck the Hos!

Someone in the back is fucking with me right now.

Because there's Hos to the left of me, Hos to the right of me.

And my real-life wife, Ho, is in the fucking back!

This is like...

Are you fucking kidding me?

This is a Bizarro Ho universe.

I don't know what's going on.

Your last name is also "Ho"?

Are you Vietnamese?

- No. - Oh, good.

Thank God, okay. All right.

It wasn't a complete setup.

- What nationality are you? - Singaporean.

Singaporean!

Crazy-rich Asians in the motherfucker!

Fucking Crazy Rich Asians fans!

Singapore!

Fuck me, man!

Thank you, man.

Crazy Rich Asians, or as we call it, "Yellow Panther."

Now...

Or "Golden Retriever." I'll think of...

I'll figure out the animal. "Yellow Kitty."

No, too on the nose. Now...

My God.

Fucking Vietnamese...

I tell you, the way they talk is just a little bit...

A little feyish, a little dandy.

You know what I'm saying, right?

Vietnamese is Koreans on weed. That's all I'm saying, okay?

And that is how I came up with Chow.

Now...

I actually would sprinkle in Vietnamese just to make my wife laugh.

In the movie, in the first Hangover, when we release Black Doug,

that's all Vietnamese, where I say...

They thought that means, "Release Black Doug."

It actually means in Vietnamese, "Chicken, die."

So, it was like...

I really was doing stuff to make the Ho laugh, so...

And it's equal-opportunity Hos.

You can laugh at that joke, too.

For my first movie...

I actually booked this while working at Kaiser.

...was Knocked Up, that was directed by Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen.

Thank you!

The first movie I ever did,

and I shot that shit while still having my day job.

I shot that during a vacation week because I'm a good fucking Asian.

You know what I mean?

I'm responsible.

And it was the most creatively fulfilling experience of my life at that time,

because I got to work with everybody.

Anybody who's anybody is in that movie, dude.

You had Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann,

Jonah Hill, Jason Segel, Martin Starr of Silicon Valley,

Craig Robinson, Charlyne Yi...

You had, like, Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig...

It was The Avengers of comedy, that's what that shit was.

And I swear to God, the first time I shot my last day of filming,

it was such a dream.

Judd Apatow said to me, he goes,

"You are my discovery. You did such a great job.

I'm going to put you in all of my movies." And he did.

So, I would not be here...

if it wasn't for Judd.

And then the next day I had to work at Kaiser,

you know what I mean?

I mean, that's how I came up with the Chow jizz-toss...

"Kaiser."

Toodle-oo, hopes and dreams.

You know?

Like, can you imagine having a moment like that?

Doing a John Apatow film and going back to your day job

thinking that you're stuck.

The next day, I could not stop thinking about that.

I was like, "Well, maybe right now I'm playing it safe

but maybe it's time for this college kid to turn pro, you know what I mean?

Maybe I got to fucking... I got to rethink my life!

Maybe this is the time for me to pursue acting, full-time.

But, you know, look at me.

I know I look like a fucking double-chinned Asian Mr. Burns

with bad posture, but I don't know.

I mean, maybe this is the time for me.

Maybe this is a sign."

By the way, I'm thinking all this while 50 patients are waiting for me.

Not a good look.

And my nurse is desperately trying to get me to focus.

She goes, "Dr. Jeong, you have a patient in Room 2 waiting for you."

And I'm like, "Well, nurse, you have a doctor who doesn't give a fuck."

"I just did a movie, Carol!

I just did a movie, man. You don't get it."

And, believe it or not, I quit my day job the next day.

True story.