The Nail Gun Massacre

Help me!

Help!

No!

No! Let me go!

Get off -no!

Please!

Let me go!

Enough! Get off of me!

What the hell?

Damn! You'd think that woman'd have me a shirt ready!

Mary Sue, get in here right now!

Shit!

Woman, don't think I ain't talkin' to you, 'cause I'm talking to you!

I said get your fat ass in here now!

Mary Sue, get in here right now! I ain't calling you no more!

Mary Sue, get in here right now!

Damn it, woman! I said get in here now. I ain't calling you again!

Christ, Sally!

Who the hell are you?

If you are looking for trouble, boy, you've come to the right spot.

Put that thing down, now. Somebody gonna get hurt.

Sumbitch, I said put that thing down...

Well, what do you think?

I guess you're not thinking too straight.

Those are the worst headaches. The ones between the eyes.

Bobby Joe, get yourself out of that box, girl!

Come on, it's my turn to be the doctor now.

No, it's not your turn yet!

Come on.

No.

Hey, what's this here, huh?

What's that?

My turn to be a doctor, and you be the patient.

Let him be the patient.

No, I don't want him to be the patient, I want you to be the patient!

Oh, shit!

What time is it?

It's time for the organ transplant, and you're the donor and I'm the recipient.

No, really, what time is it?

It's about 10 o'clock, sir.

No, hey, look, I'm really sorry.

I gotta cut that firewood today.

I forgot all about it.

You mean you would rather go cut wood with your friends than play with these?

Hey, I told Brad I'd go cut wood with him today.

They need some attention.

They're lonely, they need somebody to play with.

How about if I come back and play with them a little bit later on?

Okay?

Well, well, hell, why don't you do a self checkup until I get back?

But you said we could play doctor all day long today.

Okay, I'll tell you what, as soon as we get through,

then we can play doctor, okay?

You better hurry back, or else I'm gonna find another gentleman.

I'll hurry back, I promise.

Man, are you really dumb.

It's no wonder you can't find anybody

to come out here and cut wood with you.

Hell, man, don't tell me you're as crazy

as the rest of them folks in that town.

You know, it's not a half a mile from here where they found him.

What the hell you think is gonna happen

out here in the middle of the daylight?

You think the boogeyman's out here

waiting for somebody to walk up so he can nail him?

Look, there's a tree over there.

Ah, all right.

Yeah, well, just let that killer show up.

'Cause I'll cut him up with this here chainsaw.

Mark, you go on ahead.

I gotta go take a leak.

Cut it out, Mark.

You want me to piss on you?

Well, you just pissed me off.

I bet this will stop that leak.

Oh no!

Damn this chain saw.

Let's go, Brad! If you think I'm doing all the work

while you're out there playing with yourself,

you got another thing coming.

Let's go! It's time to get to work.

Now, now, you really shouldn't fall to pieces... over me.

Hey, I got me a pickup truck out here on County Line Road.

Looks like it's been here a couple days.

I want you to run a make on it for me.

License number WF9958.

Let me know what you get on it.

$1.09, $1.69...

Do you remember when you could sit outside

and not worry about the mosquitoes and the killers?

$1.59.

I bet you ain't never seen butterflies,

wild butterflies in these parts.

Well, when I was a girl, they just came through and droves.

- They'd be lying on the road... - Hey, hon. Guess what?

What? What's up?

We found a house.

There's this little old lady, who has a house in River Bottom.

She told us that if we fixed it up,

we could live in it for free.

In the River Bottom.

In the River Bottom, isn't that wonderful?

Neat.

And if you can drag your greasy skull

out of bed at 7AM Monday, we got a job.

It's great, but I don't understand why this lady

is gonna let us live in her house for free.

Oh, you don't believe in anything, do you?

Can't you just believe that this lady

wants to do something nice for us?

That'll be $19.60.

I bet you don't believe in Santa Claus either.

Of course I don't believe in Santa Claus.

...$19.60.

Oh, okay.

I gotcha.

Right here...

John...

Um, I kind of forgot my wallet.

Either one of y'all got any money?

Oh, you are so bogus.

I got about 29 cents.

Is that all?

Okay, boys, I will bail you out again,

but this is the last time. The bank has run dry.

- How much, ma'am? - $19.60.

Do you know anything about this house we're moving into?

Did you say that old lady's name was Old Lady Bailey?

Yes, I've heard about that.

I'm not really one to gossip,

but they tell me there's some strange things

happening down there.

They found some dead bodies.

I guess you're gonna tell us that this old lady

lets people stay in this house for free,

and then sneaks down and kills them?

Nah, she's probably just kinda old and run down

and needs some spare parts.

Oh, God.

Ready? I'm starved, let's go.

Okay.

Let's see our new house.

Bye-bye.

Wait till you see these two, Doc.

I just found them a couple of hours ago.

You know, there ain't been no one killed around here

in over 10 years.

All of a sudden, it seems like everybody's dying.

When are you gonna start dressing like a doctor?

I got sick of wearing white.

You know, it seems like someone's just gone plum loco

with a hammer and a box of nails.

What do you think would make someone do something like that?

Are you sure these two died

in the same way Leroy Johnson did?

I only see one body here.

You said there were two.

Where's the other one?

About 150 feet over there, right in front of that clearing.

Caught him with his pants down.

Have you had any luck with identification yet?

No, not really.

The pickup truck up there belongs to a Brad Watson,

22 years old, works for Miller's construction company.

The other fella, I don't know.

State police are checking missing persons,

but they haven't come up with nothing yet.

Show me the other body.

It looks like they've been here for quite a while now.

How far are we from Old Lady Bailey's house

where Johnson was found last month?

I don't know, about a half a mile or so.

You don't think Old Lady Bailey killed these people?

I'm not suggesting anything.

I just wondered how far we were from her house.

You know, this is the third body we found on her property.

Say, did you find Johnson's wife and kid?

I said, did you ever find Johnson's wife and kid?

Yeah, yeah, I found them, Doc.

Hey, wasn't Old Lady Bailey's husband

a carpenter before he died?

Be serious, you don't really think

she could really kill anyone, do you?

Nah, I guess not, but, ah, forget it.

I'm gonna go up to the car and call the meat wagon

while you finish up here.

Well, I guess that's the way to get service.

Let them know you're alive.

Damn, I'm glad you stopped.

This is the most godforsaken road I've ever been on.

God, no! Please!

Oh, oh, God, oh, God, please.

No, please, please.

You should never hitch a ride with a hearse.

Please, no!

Unless you're dying.

Please!

Please!

You hitchhikers are all alike.

Stuck out on the road.