The Simpsons

Season 20 Episode 08 - The Burns and the Bees -

Sir, we're two minutes from landing at the Billionaires' Retreat.

Ah, my favorite week of the year.

Sophisticated financial discussions with my fellow plutocrats.

Food fight!

Take that, Ted Turner.

In your face, founder of Facebook.

Skinny-dip!

Yay!

Yee-haw!

Gangway!

"Men." The room for me.

Nice prank, Simpson.

I dare you to dump that bees' nest on those second grade babies.

Why would I want to?

Because I said, "I dare you." Kearney, can you read it back?

"Nice prank, Simpson. "I dare you to...

"dump that bees' nest on those second grade babies.

"Bart: Why would I want to? "Jimbo: Because I said,

'I dare you.' "Kearney, can you read it back?

"Kearney, reading: "'Nice prank, Simpson,

- I dare you to...'" - The point is, Simpson,

a dare has been placed on your nards.

My nards accept.

Stingamajigs!

Save yourselves!

Huh?

- Where are the bees? - No bees?

- Dare annulled. - Can I appeal?

Yeah, appeal to other guys, Captain Wuss!

Other than the birth of my kid, this is my happiest moment.

All the bees are dead.

Aye, lass. The bees are dyin'.

And not just here. All over the world,

from Glasgow clear to Edinburgh.

And no one knows why.

I've lost a lot of wee friends of late.

Willie, I didn't know you were an apiarist.

From context, I can tell that means beekeeper.

'Tis a tragedy, Lisa. No man should outlive his bees.

They're stinging God now.

And the call from the SEC

was coming from inside their own brokerage house.

Jeff Bezos wet his pants!

I did not. That was apple juice from before.

- I fold. - I raise a million dollars...

and to sweeten the pot, my assistant, Smithers.

If you lose me, sir, may I say what an honor

- it's been to... - Bets don't talk.

They see and raise.

Well, if we're betting people, I got a whole herd of them.

My professional basketball team:

the Austin Celtics.

Well, they're hardly worth a Smithers, but we don't have all night.

Can you beat nine high?

Damn. Eight high.

So, I own a basketball team, do I?

Take good care of them, Burnsie.

Don't let the forwards mix with the guards.

And if they're acting sluggish,

slip some steroids into their cocaine.

Mm-hmm.

Fortune Four lotto numbers are: nine...

- Pfft... knew it. - seven...

- Duh. - three...

- What?! - and...

Boring.

Dad, we have to do something. All the bees are dying.

Oh, no, no bees?

Ooh, now who will sting me and walk all over my sandwiches?

But Dad, bees pollinate flowers.

Flowers: the painted whores of the plant world.

No bees means no honey.

Synthetic honey.

Just like you remember.

Honey?

Thank you.

D'oh!

I never dreamed the future could be scary.

Let's go, Lisa.

We've got some worms to save.

- Bees. - Worms, bees, ticks, fleas.

Let's go, go, go!

I'm glad you called me.

I know I'm not the first scientist in the phone book.

That's Associate Professor Aaron Ableman.

How I hate him.

Thundering thorax, it's just exactly what I feared!

In there, close.

See these red dots?

This bee has been felled by bee measles...

or, as I call it, "beasles".

Animals can get sick?

I'm going to talk to the girl from now on.

You're the nerd.

What we need to do now is find enough uninfected bees

to start a healthy colony.

This pheromone should attract them.

Marry me, and I'll support you for life.

You're not a bee! This thing is useless.

There's one on Lisa.

Hold still, sweetie. Daddy will kill it.

And this time, no screwups.

Stop, stop, it's an uninfected queen!

How do we catch her without hurting her?

Uh, unfortunately, the best method is to allow her to sting you.

Yeah, much like that.

Now squeeze around the stinger to keep her attached,

and a colony of bees will soon form around your face.

Now just keep them there until the colony is healthy and thriving.

How long is that?

Long enough that you will be known as Springfield's crazy bee girl.

She likes the stingers.

Marge, remember when we were talking about our worst fears?

- Uh-huh. - Mine was snakes, and yours was...

Never being a grandmother.

Really? I thought it was Lisa with a beard of bees.

Well, whatever... brace yourself.

President Lincoln!

You've come back, and you got rid of that hat.

You've got my vote.

Lisa, I don't like this at all.

It's not for long. But until they find a suitable habitat,

this beard is the only hope for these bees.

Relax, Mom. I'll mold them into a shape you know and love.

Stop Milhousing your sister.

Now take it off before they sting you.

Actually, bees rarely sting when they're in a cluster.

They only attack to defend their hive.

I don't know. All it takes is one troubled loner.

Please let me keep them for just a little longer.

Okay. One night.

So, let's see how my burly-bottomed ball handlers are faring.

Smithers, we're leading two to nothing.

Run out the clock, boys. Run out the clock.

Oh, yeah, three points!

Big three in the Big D for the Big C.

Mark Cuban... that's me.

Who is that man,

and why isn't his enthusiasm being punished?

That's Mark Cuban, sir.

He's the most flamboyant owner in the league.

I'm out of my mind!

How odd.

His money seems to have bought him happiness.

I'd like to meet him, Smithers.

So, you made your money in nuclear power?

I can't remember how I made my money.

If you're really a billionaire,

give me the secret billionaires' handshake.

- Smithers, turn away. - Yay!

So, tell me, why don't you recoil from the public like a normal billionaire?

Hey, why own a basketball team if you're not gonna have any fun?

Fun?

Is that how it's pronounced? I've only seen it written.

Hold that thought. No one's paid attention to me for ten whole seconds.

It's time for this peacock to show his feathers.

You know, the feathers with the big eye

that trick them into thinking that's my front?

Said feathers are what I'll flaunt.

Uh, Mom, maybe you shouldn't have put so much syrup on the pancakes.

The secret is not to swallow the stingers.

- Dad, don't eat the bees! - They're just drones, Lisa.

They only live for, like, five minutes anyway.

And they only have haploid cells, not diploid like me and Bart.

Yeah!

Listen, Lisa, I was trying to think of a way to help your bees,

and I remembered this abandoned greenhouse outside of town.

Which used to be a beautiful,

thriving greenhouse till I was hired to run it.

Your bees will have plenty of room in this old greenhouse.

Plus, there are flowers, and it's near a prison,

so they'll have a place to sting people.

Oh, Mom, it's perfect!

Go live your lives. Get off my face!

Oh, I miss them.