Agatha All Along

You are trapped in a distorted spell.

What were you looking for in my house?

The Road.

Yes. Claw your way out.

How long have I been living in this cesspool of a town?

About three years.

Wanda.

She took every little bit of power I had and left me with household appliances.

We gotta get back on top.

If you're real, then that means...

Let me get my purple back.

And then come find me.

I am not the only one that wants to see you dead.

I expect you'll see them at sundown.

...more of this nonsense!

Coming in here after all that time, thinking she's gonna...

Look at my front door!

What?

Ugh!

Whose shoes are these?

Okay. She's unstoppable.

The house is yours, random boy.

Be sure to tell the vengeance-seekers I said hi.

Take me to the Witches' Road!

Come again?

The Witches' Road.

I want you to take me there.

Please?

The Witches' Road doesn't exist.

- You're lying. - Am I?

That's just what real witches say to keep the amateurs out.

The Road will give you the thing you want the most.

If you make it to the end.

And I can. I will.

Hmm.

The Road is no place for a kid.

- I'm 16! - Oh, sorry. Teen.

I don't know where you heard about The Road...

Books, the Ballad, legend, lore...

But it will kill you.

Didn't kill you.

Well, I'm exceptional.

That's my point.

Okay, so, confession, I know an egregious amount about you.

I've been obsessed

- since I first read up on your Salem days. - Hmm.

One of my favorite "you" eras.

That's a good one.

That's why I came here last night.

That's why I saved you from the spell you were under.

No. It was my pleasure.

Hmm. Well...

If you've got the goods to break a spell cast by the Scarlet Witch,

why do you need The Road?

I mean, I've studied, don't get me wrong,

but that can only take you so far.

I wanna blast, to shield, to levitate.

So you want a shortcut?

The Road promises that what's missing awaits you at its end.

Power is what I'm missing.

Sounds like it's what you're missing, too.

Nope. Too risky. No time.

If you wanna run, fine.

But these people who are coming tonight sound serious.

You really think you can outrun them with no magic at all?

Who are you?

My name is...

Say again.

I'm...

- Interesting. - What?

I'm driving.

What? Really? Yes!

All right.

Let's hit The Road.

Okay.

And this is not a car. Okay.

That's all right. Yeah, it's totally fine.

It's okay. Just move on from this little thing. Oh!

Just what I was looking for. Uh...

You're driving.

Miss Harkness! Miss Harkness!

What do you know about covens?

Just that they're drawn together by mysterious forces of fate,

and that they're the truest form of sisterhood and...

Oh, my God. Are you taking me to meet your coven?

No. Those harpies are dust.

But we do need a coven to access The Road.

Right. Of course, that makes sense.

It is the Witches', plural possessive, Road.

- I'm over here. - Oh, are you?

- Am I even going in the right direction... - Be cool, man.

Sorry.

- He worries. - Aw!

So where do we just find a coven?

Wherever you are, a coven there shall be.

That's beautiful.

No. It's definitely not.

But it is the Covenstead Rule.

Within any three-mile radius,

there will be a collection of witchy-enough people to form a coven.

Can you actually jot that down for me?

There's a pen in the glove compartment.

Oh. Okay. Of course.

- Will this be... - Yeah.

- Perfect. - Okay.

- Right. - Do you want me to take that?

No, it's... I'll remember it.

So, with a Covenstead, it's unlikely we'll find witches as high-profile as you.

Yeah, there's no such thing, Teen.

You know, but all we need is a bit of talent.

Even the most down-and-out witches, when in close proximity with each other,

bring out a magical spark.

- Ah. Stop. - What?

Here. Now.

You think there's a real witch in there?

We'll see if she knows the secret handshake.

No.

I feel really optimistic about this.

Welcome to the curious.

Good day, madam.

Oh. Thank you so much for seein' us.

We are hopin' for a miracle today.

This is my boy, Beauford.

He doesn't talk much. He's got social anxiety.

His daddy recently passed, and we miss him somethin' awful.

And we surely would love to commune with him today.

But to be quite frank with you,

what is top of mind is the location of some gold bars

he may or may not have buried in our backyard.

Please.

Thank you. You're a doll.

- How will you be paying? - Oh.

- He's got it. - Debit works.

He always takes care of Mama.

Hurry up, though. Okay?

- Your husband was a proud man. - Oh.

- Indeed, he was. - Did he golf?

He died on the 18th hole.

Oh. She's good.

Now, the location of those gold bars?

Brother.

You'll find the gold bars in an old bowling bag

at the back of his closet.

Yes! That's it.

Thank you. Thank the lady, would you, please, Beauford?

There's something else.

What is it?

You've been under the influence of another.

- Someone you hurt. - Ah!

They took your agency.

For three years.

It's not the first time your witch kin betrayed you.

But you survive.

In a way few do.

In fact, that's why you're here.

And I am not interested.

- Wait, what? - Thank you for your purchase.

Your bank statement will say "Lilia's Leggings,"

but that's just my side hustle.

Lilia.

Oh, you haven't even heard the pitch.

I don't need to.

What witch in her right mind would join Agatha Harkness' coven?

Not looking for right-minded witches, as it happens.

Looks like we came to the right place.

Are you all right, ma'am?

So you're a bit of a kook. Every witch has their process.

You showed some real skill out there.

I didn't read your fortune. I read your reputation.

- Oh! - Witches like you are the reason

people think we poison apples, and steal children, and eat babies.

- Babies are delicious. - Ugh!

How old are you? 410? 415?

- How dare you? - Oh, I apologize.

- You don't look a day under 450. - Years old?

You get, what, maybe two suckers a day in here, and 20 bucks later,

you're sitting on a bed that's also your wall.

Don't you miss the glory days?

When I was chased out of every village I passed through

for accurately predicting tragedy?

No, I do not. Beat it, Harkness.

I'm gonna walk The Road.

The Road is a death wish.

I survived.

Yeah? Where's your power now?

Time to restock.

I need a Divination Witch.

Are you honestly asking me

to coven up with the single most infamous witch on this continent?

Oh, please. Name a badder bitch in South America, or Europe.

Who is this child?

- I'm... - My pet.

This is my pet. Say hi, pet.

Hi.

You expect me to risk my life on the Witches' Road,

- and if we're successful... - When.

If we're successful, watch you turn around and steal my power?

Excuse me.

So, little-known...

No, don't worry about it. It's fine. It's just us.