The Magicians

Previously on "The Magicians"...

Everett's trying to squeeze out hedges.

This is just more of the same.

_

_

We're here to study with Mayakovsky.

- We hear he's crazy. - You heard wrong!

So wait.

So you turned Mayakovsky into a bear?

I can help.

Just let me stay.

You saved my life. You can... you can save my life 50 times.

It's not gonna change anything between us.

Good-bye, Alice.

The Poison Room...

It's where we store books too dangerous for the public.

You must seek the binder.

This was in the Mirror World.

And I heard you were looking for the binder, so...

Holy shit.

Foremost saved them

with special weapons that expel possession.

They call them ice axes,

and I'm assuming that's poetic license.

So we might have a chance to save Eliot.

But Hot and Dumb just wasn't getting it.

And that's when I told the Foreskin,

"Welcome to the New Desert Order.

It's gonna suck for you."

Wow. You really went through a lot to get those axes.

Call them by their names...

Sorrow...

- and Sorrow. - Nice.

Where'd you get the axes from?

Fine.

I'll tell it one more time.

So I'm all, "Welcome to the New Desert Order."

"Gonna suck for you."

What's gonna suck?

Telling this story over again.

And so I was like,

"Welcome to the New Desert Order.

Gonna suck for you."

- What did I miss? - I'm getting a smoothie.

You fuckers take this.

Seriously, you spent that much time in the desert,

and this never occurred to you?

We're dealing with God-level monsters.

Who possess people.

Those axes pull the spirits out,

and then we bottle them up. Bam!

All he's saying is they're too powerful.

I doubt your bottles can hold that shit.

Those monsters are coming for us.

Make it work.

Okay, but how?

We could cast an incorporate bond on the bottles.

Thank you.

I don't know what that is, but I hate you less now.

It's a way to pin a being or object in place.

It's like a fourth-dimensional paperweight.

Mayakovsky was trapped under one for years.

We just need to pin the monsters

to your bottles long enough to get rid of them.

Great. Let's do that shit, then.

So who knows how to cast an incorporate bond?

I did cast an incorporate bond on Mayakovsky,

but I didn't write the spell myself.

So who wrote it?

Mayakovsky did.

He didn't know I was going to use it on him.

He was the only person capable of writing a spell

which he couldn't break.

He knows more things about incorporate bonds

than anyone else does.

You wanted a spell to trap a god, yes?

Well... he's the real expert.

- But he's also a bear. - Not exactly.

You see, once magic came back, he was able to become human.

Again... much to his wife's dismay.

So where is he now?

He went back to Brakebills South?

- I mean, why? - Brakebills isn't using it.

There's not enough magic for the geese to make it.

I found that out the hard way.

Rest in peace, First Years.

So I guess we have to go down there and talk to Mayakovsky?

Sounds like a plan.

You two have fun talking to that old drunk.

No.

Wait. Margo, Margo, hey.

I just... I... There's, um...

Things are still complicated between me and Alice,

- and I... and I just thought. - Mm-hmm.

And I'm still rinsing desert sand out of my twat, all right?

I'm not going to fucking Antarctica.

Grow a pair of tits, Coldwater.

Jesus, it's cold.

I forgot my scarf, so...

good luck with that.

If it makes you feel any better,

I don't want to be alone with you either.

- I never said that. - Yes, you did.

I heard you say that to Margo.

Let's just not start by lying to each other.

Okay, look, I don't want to be here, but we're here,

- so let's just get it over with. - Quentin.

Shit.

Oh.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Professor...

Mayakovsky.

Professor?

Mayakovsky did this to himself.

He designed a spell to swap his present consciousness

with one from a different time.

He called it a timeshare spell.

So that's not our Mayakovsky.

Not mentally, no.

Based on these notes and... and his current state,

I think he's from the future, where...

Mayakovsky has dementia.

- Great. - Well, it was an accident.

He inverted two of the numbers in the spell.

So how do we undo it?

He's the only one who can.

I don't think we can help him, Quentin. We may have hit a dead end.

Unless I talk to him in the past.

You wanna steal Everett's book

from the Poison Room?

It's the only way we can get ahead of him,

but I need your help.

Um, Penny died 'cause of going in there,

so, no.

I can get us in and out unharmed,

but protocol dictates

Librarians enter the Poison Room in pairs...

for safety.

Fogg can do it.

Unfortunately, I cannot leave Brakebills.

The Library has been up my ass.

They're even threatening to put monitors in all my classrooms.

Henry has a point. It would draw undue attention.

Oh, to the fact that he's a fucking coward?

You don't get to be a magician my age, dear,

without a very healthy sense of self-preservation.

Kady...

Please.

I mean, if this is a real language,

it is a dead one that nobody's ever written about.

Well, maybe it's not a language. Maybe it's...

Ow. Goddamn paper cut.

Cocksucking book bit me.

It did!

Why is this book suddenly blank?

Hey, wait a minute.

Is that writing there?

I can barely make it out.

My God. I think it's written in Margo's blood.

It wants blood, I got blood.

- Is that...? - Yep.

It's shark week. You can thank my uterus later.

This is in Latin.

I can't cast.

Um, you better have a look at it.

Oh.

Oh, come on.

And the Binder stood before them,

and as they stared, eyes full of wonder,

the Binder thought to himself...

"Took you long enough."

- He's in there? - Yes.

And he's at an acquisitions meeting,

which should give us enough time to copy it.

Okay, thanks. Check back with me later.

- Everett. - Zelda.

- How was the meeting? - Detailed.

I snuck out.

What are you doing here?

I was hoping we could talk...

in your office, perhaps.

Of course.

The Binder knew Julia had many questions.

She'd been searching in vain

for how to reacquire her divinity.

He knew the answer.

Hey, what's with all

the third-person, past-tense bullshit?

The Binder had no idea what she was talking about.

Huh.

The Binder explained... he had answers,

but it would require they learn how he came to be..

to be...

to be...

The Binder felt dizzy.

His book was a...

Oh, it was somehow...

it was somehow...

missing pages.

I think he's broken.

The fuck.