Adventures in Babysitting

Oh, God. He's here.

Okay, Chris, just relax.

Tonight is going to be the greatest night of your life.

Hi.

Hi, Chris.

- I'm a little bit overdressed. - No, it's just...

I got to cancel.

My little sister got sick and my parents are going out tonight.

Well, I could come over and help out.

We could make some chicken soup or something.

No, you don't want to be there. She's contagious.

I don't want you to get sick.

We'll do the French restaurant thing next week, okay?

Okay.

When?

I don't know. Friday, Saturday.

I got to get going. My sister's waiting for me.

You're upset about tonight, aren't you?

No.

Well, yeah, a little.

But I understand.

You know, Chris,

girls like you come along once in a lifetime.

Whoa...

Contagious.

- Contagious? - Yeah, that's what he said.

He's lying.

Brenda!

Ugh, God. I don't know why you're making such a big deal about him.

He's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

He's the only thing that's ever happened to you.

That's why we've got to get out.

It's like a Dairy Queen. You only get one flavor.

You know, I asked you over here to cheer me up.

I feel worse.

Oh, Chris, I'm sorry.

I'm just in a really bad mood. My parents are driving me crazy.

My stepmom is such a pain.

If I don't get out of the house I'm going to spike her Tab with Drano.

Don't do that.

- Chris? Hi, Brenda. - Hi.

- Hi, Mom. - That was Mrs. Anderson.

She wants to know if you can babysit for her tonight.

- No. Tell her I can't. - Why not?

- Wait, aren't we doing something? - I have to go home.

Because I want to stay home and be depressed.

Sit for the Andersons. That'll depress anyone.

I'm too old to babysit.

Sometimes you don't make it out the door

This time I know what I'm doing

I'm not fooling 'Cause I just can't stop

Trying to get a hold on you

I just can't stop, I won't give up

Guess what, Brad?

Mom is going to kill you for wearing skates indoors.

Mom's got to catch me first. Guess what?

I don't care, winghead.

Mom got Chris to babysit for me.

Chris?

Oh my...

- Sara! - Bye!

Chris.

Chris is coming. Would you get out of the way?

Chris is coming.

Oh, no.

- Hi, Chris. Come on in. - Hi.

Thanks a million for this.

- I'm sorry about the short notice. - No problem.

I'm glad I could help out.

Sara. Sara!

- Did you take my Clearasil again? - I ran out of brown.

Great. How am I supposed to cover up my zits?

- You want some orange? - I can't use paint.

What do you think? I figure it's my best yet.

I got the sun rays and the cape and the special helmet...

Great! You wasted all my Clearasil on another picture of Thor?

- Thor's my hero. - Thor's a homo.

Is not.

Yeah, he is.

- Is not. - Thor's a complete homo.

Take it back, Brad. Take back what you said about Thor.

You are going to kill somebody with these things.

Take it back, Brad. Take back what you said about Thor.

No.

If you don't take it back,

I'll tell Chris about all those love poems you write about her.

All right, Sara. I'm sorry.

- Thor's not a homo. - Thank you.

- Hi, Chris. - Hi.

Hi.

Hi. You didn't just hear what my...

- Oh, no. - Cool.

Boy, you look great. I mean, really.

- Your hair. Your eyes. - What about them?

They're so well-placed.

- Brad, relax. - Relax...

Shall I take your coat?

Oh!

Sorry. I'm sorry.

- I didn't... Sorry. - Thank you.

Boy, this is a really cool coat. No way is this from Sears or anything.

- This is way too cool. - It was my grandpa's.

- He's got great taste. - He's dead.

Brad, stop fawning all over Chris. Come on in the kitchen, honey.

- Yeah, she did. - We played bridge the other night.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

- Hi. - Hiya, Chris.

- Brad did it. - Brad, clean it up.

- Sure, Mom. - All right, Chris.

I got some notes for you.

We're going to be at a reception at the Associates Center. Here.

Sara is not to wear her skates in the house.

- Now, Sara, Chris is in charge, okay? - Sure.

- Can we go to Häagen-Dazs? - Well, yes.

Yes, but don't go too late, all right?

Brad will stay at his friend Daryl's tonight, so don't worry about him.

This one is just getting over a very bad cough...

- It's been almost two weeks. - So I want her to take some of this.

Give her a spoonful in about an hour and another before she goes to bed.

Will you stop eating chocolate?

You're going to have zits all over your face.

Mom!

Jesus!

- You guys have a good time. - We should be home by 1:00.

- Okay. - Take good care of my baby.

I'll guard her with my life.

- Bye. - Goodbye.

Brad, into the kitchen and clean up that mess.

That's the back door. I'll get it.

Come on, Chris. Let's go watch some TV.

- Are you coming over or what? - No, not anymore.

- Chris is here, isn't she? - No.

Yes, she is. That's why I'm sleeping here tonight.

- I don't think so. - Come on.

- Did you get her clothes off yet? - Don't be crude. Get back.

You fall in love and suddenly you're a classy guy.

- I have not fallen in love. - What's she wearing?

- Clothes. Now get out. - You got to see the new Playboy.

There's this girl in it and she looks exactly like Chris.

She's got these humongous...

Ugh. Oh, God.

- Who was at the door? - Stray dog.

What?

Are you going to go to college?

Huh?

Oh, great!

Thanks, Mom.

- You're going to college? - No.

- Thank God. - Calm down.

Maybe it's Mike.

Hello?

Will you accept a collect call from Brenda?

Sure.

Chris, it's Brenda.

- Brenda... - Chris.

Brenda, what's wrong?

- Oh, Chris, I'm in trouble. - You're always in trouble.

No, I'm really in trouble. I did it.

- You spiked her Tab with Drano? - No, I ran away from home.

You what? Where are you?

- I'm at the bus station downtown. - Look, just don't go anywhere.

I can't. I have no money. I spent it all on the cab here.

- Chris, I need help. - I know.

- You're in my house. - If I take a cab to the Andersons',

- could you pay for it? - Oh, no, that's going to be like $40.

- I don't have $40. - Well, can you pick me up?

No, I'm babysitting.

I can't call anybody else.

My dad doesn't know. He'd kill me if he found out.

I'm begging you. It's really scary here.

I've seen three people shoot up, a bald Chinese lady with no pants on,

and there's this old guy outside who wants his slippers.

Get out of my house!

You've just moved!

- Please hurry up and get here. - I've got my mom's car.

I can't drive it into the city.

Oh, my God. There's a man with a gun.

- Get me the hell out of here. - Look, just hang up and sit down.

Don't move. I'll be there in half an hour.

Please hurry. I think he's going to kill somebody. Maybe me.

Brenda?

- I don't believe this. I do not. - Who's Mike? He your boyfriend?

Yes. I've got to go downtown.

- Brad, will you watch Sara? - No way.

- What if the house explodes? - The house is not going to explode.

You leave him here and it will.

I will be gone an hour there and back. That's it. Okay?

- You guys go steady or what? - What?

- Do you? - Yes. Are you two listening to me?

My mom is paying you good money to watch me.

Brad can watch you.

Why would my mom pay you good money for Brad to watch me?

Sara...