Fear Itself

Aah!

Aah!

Grr!

Aah!

Gorgeous.

Absolutely gorgeous.

Sam, it's a beautiful dress.

It's breathtaking.

Ok, that's as much as we can do before the veil.

It's perfect. Thank you.

I hear you're scaling Mount Everest

or something for the honeymoon.

Carlos is a climber.

Yeah. He thinks he's gonna make her one.

Has anyone seen my groom yet?

Come on. Of course Carlos is here,

and if he's not, he soon will be.

Guys love to do this last-minute thing,

especially on the big day.

"Guys love to do this last-minute thing"?

You'd think a girl never got cold feet.

Are you?

Getting cold feet.

Would you check on my groom, please?

Yes, your highness.

I'll go with you.

Wait. Wait. Come here.

Hands.

Ok. Heh.

All of us being together today

and, Kelly, you flying all the way out here,

I just want you all to know how much this means to me.

I keep thinking about how we would spend whole afternoons

in front of a little toy tea set

planning a day just like this one.

I know some of you think it's too soon.

None of us think that.

We all just want you to be happy.

We all like Carlos. We think he's wonderful.

We do, Sammy.

We're just cluckin' like nervous hens here.

Oh, what if he doesn't show up?

Um, then we'll marry you.

Heh heh.

I will go find him.

In case you haven't picked up on it,

people don't want this to happen.

Yeah, who? Ruthie?

No one wants this to happen.

I wouldn't say that.

That's the problem. Nobody's saying it,

but they're all thinking it.

Come on. You've been here for, like, 3 days.

What's everybody saying?

They think it's a mistake, right?

I didn't hear anybody say that.

They think it's too soon.

They don't think...

Yeah. I did hear that.

They think it's too soon.

But they don't know him like I do.

Hey, I'm like Switzerland, ok?

I'm neutral.

Although...

It is kind of weird your brother isn't here.

You always said Steven gave you the creeps.

Yeah, your big brother has always given me the creeps,

but shouldn't he be here?

Isn't he the only family you have?

Steven is just sulking because I'll be moving

out of the house. That's all.

He'll get over it.

How long have you known Carlos anyway?

Now you sound like my brother.

How long is long enough?

You know, what is the acceptable amount of time to know someone?

For sex, about 10 seconds.

Ha.

For making a lifetime commitment, I don't know.

But women marry men all of the time.

How am I any different?

The difference is we know a lot of your boyfriends

did not treat you well, and then they just up and disappeared.

And Carlos is the first one I've met

who I didn't feel was gonna do that.

And I think that's great.

Ok, he's here.

He's down the hall, getting ready.

Anyone think his friend Alan is cute?

Father Chris asked me to give this to you.

It's from some woman out there.

Oh, forget Alan. Carlos' uncle,

he's this government guy or something.

Have you seen him?

He's really interesting,

and he says he has a twin.

Eww. He's like 50 years old.

Who was she?

Who is who?

The woman who gave father Chris this note to give me.

Oh, I don't know. Father Chris said

she was wearing a red head scarf.

It's probably money.

Ooh. Hmm. Money's good.

Ok, seriously, it's time to suit up.

You wanna go pee before we strap you in?

That is an excellent idea.

It's down the hall to the right, 3 doors.

Think I told her the wrong way.

Not to the right.

That's Carlos' dressing room.

You can't see him before the wedding.

I know.

Hey.

Who is it?

It's Sam.

Don't... don't do that with your face.

Don't even think that.

Can I come in?

She wants to come in.

So let her in.

And no foolin' around, you two. Hmm? I'm watchin'.

I'm late. I have no excuse,

but just... Just listen.

I lost my gas card,

only to discover that I didn't have any cash.

And, Alan, of course, is completely useless.

I ended up having to pump $20

off some guy at the gas station who I told it was my wedding day.

I had to put something in the tank,

because I lost my wallet because I was so damn nervous,

but no, no, I do not have cold feet.

How 'bout you?

Hmm? You got the cold feet?

What's goin' on down there?

Heh.

It's cold? No.

Are they cold? No.

So if it's such bad luck for you to see me,

then what are you doin' in here?

I just...

Wanted to make sure it was really you.

It's me.

Come here.

Come here, I said.

Wow.

Let's just do it right here.

Our vows.

What do you say we just...

We just forget the priest

and the flowers and the rings and...

All that stuff and just get it over with right now...

Go down to the lake, huh,

get started with the rest of our life?

Right now.

From this day forward,

in sickness and in health

till death...

Don't say that.

Don't say what?

Maybe this is bad luck.

Don't... don't say, "till death"? That...

No, please don't say that.

I'm sorry. I... I don't like that.

I don't know why anyone would wanna talk about death

on the happiest day of their life.

I agree with you totally.

Now let's make sure the priest knows that as well.

We'll tell him that we're making, uh...

A few script changes, hmm?

Just a few last-second script changes.

No "death." No parting.

I love you, Sam.

Wow. You're not kissing back.

It's jitters, I guess.

Oh, my god. Look at me. I'm shaking.

What's going on with you?

Heh.

What's this?

Wow.

That...

Might just be bad luck for the groom to see.

Ok.

Just a little something for the bride.

Sam.

I'll see you soon.

Hold it, Sam. Heels.

Can you just slow down for a second?

I want you to show me the woman

who gave father Chris the note.

I need you to point her out to me.

Sam, you're walking down in the aisle in, like, 5 minutes.

Ruthie, just do it for me, ok?

Well, she probably would have taken

her scarf off if she was in here.

Oh, wait. Catholics wear scarves in churches, don't they?

Ruthie, look.

What did she say? What were her exact words?

Father Chris said she asked him if he was performing the wedding.

He said yes. She said it was something you might wanna see.