Hikikomari Kyuuketsuki no Monmon (The Vexations of a Shut-In Vampire Princess)

Dammit, more magic?!

Those damn vampires!

We have to murder them before they invoke their ma-

Flames, oh flames...

Ice, oh ice...

I have a message from the commander!

The Lapelico army has already been completely decimated!

The victory of the Komari unit is clear as day!

See that, you inferior beast-folk?

Guess we're having those beast-folk's blood made into liquor for our victory party, eh?

It's too early for celebration.

Victory has yet to be decided.

Rejoicing in a situation where the enemy may have some sort of ace up their sleeve

is quite low-class.

Shame on you.

This current battle is the first campaign for us, the Mulnite Empire.

We absolutely will not be beaten.

Am I right, Your Excellency Terakomari?

Yes, you are correct, Caostel.

Listen up, everyone!

I am Terakomari Gandesblood!

I've been a professional shut-in for the past three years.

The Vexations of a Shut-in Vampire Princess

The Shut-in Vampire Goes Outside

I constantly think about how the world is so irrational.

15 years ago, I was born into the Gandesblood clan,

one of the most noble clans in the Mulnite Empire.

The Gandesblood family has passed down

the title of imperial general for the last thousand years.

I tried hard to meet the expectations of those around me...

But I quickly got frustrated.

I was lacking in aptitude in every possible way.

First of all, I can't use magic.

Secondly, my athletic ability is non-existent.

And third, I'm short.

It's clear to me the reason why I am burdened by this trifecta of misfortune.

Even though I'm a vampire, I can't drink blood.

It's a necessary source of nutrition for growth, but I just can't stand it.

The smell, the sight;

I hate everything about it.

In a plethora of ways, my life has only ever been full of bitter memories.

Power is everything in vampire society...

I swore to be a peace-loving, righteous vampire,

and decided to shut myself in.

Wha?

The Mulnite national emblem...

Why?

Lady Terakomari, good morning.

Wh-who are you?! Why are you in my room?

I should have introduced myself sooner.

I am Villhaze.

I belong to the Mulnite Imperial Army.

My rank is junior lieutenant, third division.

I've taken up a new job as Lady Terakomari's personal maid, starting today.

Still...

Pardon my saying so, but this room is quite the mess.

What are you here for? Is it money?

Please don't be afraid.

I am an ally, Lady Terakomari.

Hey, Villhaze or whatever...

Wait right here a sec.

We have no time for that.

Come with me now to the imperial court.

Let me go! I have to go pee!

This is no time to pee.

Please listen to me.

I'm going to pee myself! Is that what you want?!

Please listen to me while you pee yourself.

That's pretty perverted, don't you think?!

There's no time for this, so please do as I say.

No! You're gonna kidnap me!

Beauty like mine only comes around once ever hundred million years, you know!

Is that something you can say about yourself?

Let her go, Vill.

Oh, Komari!

Are you hurt?

Ou...ouch. Gonna die...

More importantly, Dad! What is her deal?!

This is Vill, and she'll be your personal maid starting today.

I don't need a maid.

Especially one this scary...

Even so, this has been decided by the Her Majesty.

The empress? What do you mean?

Let me explain that to you.

Lady Terakomari.

Do you know of the Seven Crimson Lords?

Where's this coming from?

I mean, yes, I know of them.

The Seven Crimson Lords...

They're seven super strong, most fearless fighters among vampires

who lead the Mulnite Army.

And you have become one of them, Lady Komari.

Huh?

The other day, when I asked you "How about you start working soon?"

and you replied:

Well, I don't mind working if I get the throne.

I was so moved!

I went and reported it to the empress the other day,

and I said "Please, pass the throne to Komari."

Are you nuts?!

I did my very best for you.

I then emphasized to a thoroughly pissed empress

just how much of a prodigy you are while still having a beauty

that only comes around once every hundred million years.

And then, the empress said "Interesting."

This is NOT interesting!

Thus, the empress entered a contract with you,

and that's how you were appointed as a Crimson Lord.

Well, I have no recollection of that contract, though.

She snuck in last night.

Who did?

The empress.

Huh?

While you were sleeping, Lady Terakomari, she kissed you, thus sealing the contract.

Whaaaaaat?!

Well, hello! Welcome Komari!

And you are just as darling as always!

We are simply overjoyed to see you!

It's an honor, but... um, Your Majesty...

you're a little close for comfort, don't you think?

By the way, We would like to massage your boobs, may We?

Your Majesty, please lighten up with the jokes.

She will cry.

It's just a joke!

We are the type who takes emotions into great consideration.

Until you are in the mood for it, We will massage your boobs.

You kissed me, right?

How funny!

Honorifics don't suit you!

From here on, you should treat Us as a friend you have known for 10 years!

I've never had a single friend before.

Now then, Terakomari Gandesblood.

I called on you for no other reason than to tell you that...

It's time for the segment to explain the points of note upon becoming a Crimson Lord!

Bam bam! Woo-hoo!

What's up with that picture?!

The Crimson Lords have one condition under which they must operate:

Once every three months, they must go to war with another nation and win.

Furthermore, once the 100th war is won,

you can gain candidacy to become the next empress.

That's an impossible hurdle to clear.

On the other hand, if you continue to lose in these wars...

Will I get the chop?

Yes! You'll explode and that head will definitely fly!

You have got to be kidding me!

Please don't crush my expectations!

Don't worry.

You are in charge of around 500 men from the 7th unit of the army.

However, it is teeming with those who will

certainly aim to murder their superior upon learning they are weak.

Then aren't they basically my enemies?!

How can I not worry?!

Vampires are the type that desire the chance to move up in the world.

Komari...

You're actually weak, yes?

Yes, super weak!

Dying is that thing where like... it's really painful, right?!

It hurts more than bashing a pinky finger in the corner of a dresser, doesn't it?!

Then you don't want to die?

Of course I don't!

Then it must be kept secret.

No matter what happens,

you must behave as the absolute strongest while in front of your troops.

The maid next to you will be your support with that.

Please consider me capable, Lady Komari.

We shall make sure to fool them all.

I feel nothing but anxiety...

You won't try to overthrow me, right, Vill?

Of course not.

I love you more than anyone else in the universe, Lady Komari.

A bold-faced lie.

We just met today.

It suits you quite well, Lady Komari.

I-I suppose it does!

Well, I may not look it, despite how I look now,

beauty like mine only comes around once ever hundred million years, you know!

Anything I put on looks amazing on me.

That's wonderful, you're so pretty.

In that case, how about we do a fashion show starring you when we get back?

Like hell we will, that's dumb!

Now, Lady Komari.

The troops you will command are waiting for you.

Y-yeah...

This door must seriously weigh like a million tons or something...

It can't possibly, your run-of-the-mill vampire should be able to open it.

Well, sorry for being so abnormally weak!

You've got this, Lady Komari.

Hey! Don't just stand there!

Help me!

Ah, it's ope-

Die, Your Excellency!

Lady Komari, are you all right?

I-I-I-I-I..

I'm-I'm-I'm...

There, there. Good girl.