Delhi Belly

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking.

Hope you are well rested. In about five minutes, we will be beginning

our descent into New Delhi International airport on to runway.

The temperature on ground is a cool 15 degree celsius. There's a slight haze.

And a bit of turbulence.

So please keep your seat-belts fastened.

Excuse me, is this seat taken?

Vladimir, right?

Hi, when did you get here? Sit down.

Please, act like you don't know me.

I don't know you.

Don't look at me.

Oh.

So, how was your flight?

Don't talk to me.

Just do as you were told.

God! Fucking mental, some people.

What did he think of himself? Idiot.

Customs 02.

"When there's abundant love in this world"

"Wonder why the heart still yearns?"

"When there's abundant love in this world"

"Wonder why the heart still yearns?"

"When there's abundant love in this world"

"Wonder why the heart still yearns?"

"How do I explain my heart?"

"How do I placate my heart?"

"How do I explain my heart?"

"How do I placate my heart?"

"My heart is stubborn"

"It is out of my control"

Open the door!

I got it last time.

Arup! Open the fucking door.

He's lying. I got it last time.

Bastard, one more time and I'll cut your balls off and make you earrings.

Alright fucker, you're dead.

You deaf?

When did you get back?

Just now.

Oh my gosh.

Tashi, you're scratching me.

Please go shave.

Can't.

There's no water.

What do you mean, there's no water?

You get two hours of water every morning.

Baby, we forgot to put the buckets out.

What do you mean, "Forgot to put the buckets out?"

Him.

- What? - It was his turn.

Yeah, but you could hear the water running, right?

All you had to do was get out of bed and put the buckets out.

It would have taken you all of 30 seconds.

Yeah. But it was his turn.

Oh my God! I can't believe you guys live like this.

What are you getting so worked up for? We'll do it tomorrow.

Because you're meeting my parents for lunch.

I want you to shave and look presentable.

I'm meeting your parents?

Wear this.

I've told you not to buy me such expensive stuff.

Just wear it, Tashi. People judge you by the way you look.

Yeah, I don't hang out with any of those people.

Listen, I'm not joking, okay Tashi? You have no idea, how pissed I am.

I'm going home now. Don't be late.

Oh, man!

Baby, can you drop this for me, please?

- This afternoon. It's urgent. - I have an assignment, can't...

Here's the address.

The girl really loves you.

Lucky bastard.

Okay 3,2,1 go

So, where is she?

I'm looking.

Why? You don't know what she looks like?

Shut up.

Do you have her number?

No.

Man, you're the cow on the information superhighway.

Me? You're the one still shooting film, you pussy.

Digital is for fucking tourists.

You're ringing, so you must be Tashi.

Hi, I'm Menaka.

Hey. Hi, Tashi.

A couple more hours and we would've found you.

- This is Nitin, my photographer. - Hi.

Menaka's a special correspondent, just started with us today.

Hi, Special Correspondent. Welcome.

Alright, shall we?

Because, I want to do everything I can, you know. No limits.

How would you define everything?

Singing. Acting.

I think, directing. No wait.

Definitely directing.

I paint.

I'm working on my first collection of poems.

And I want to have my very own clothes-line one day.

Clothing line.

What?

Never mind.

So, what do you enjoy most, out of everything that you do?

Everything.

Of course. Just everything.

That's why she does it all.

Just...

Lovely.

Could you sing us one of your songs?

Oh... I don't know.

Come on, we've only got a couple of minutes, come on.

- Okay. - Brilliant.

Okay, it's called

'I hate you, like I love you'

Like I love you in brackets.

So, it's like, I hate you, brackets, like I love you.

I hate you, like I love you, in brackets. That's brilliant.

"I hate you"

"Like I love you"

"I hate you"

"Like I love you"

And then, the drums come in.

That's it.

- Are those your lyrics? - Yeah.

We shouldn't have asked you to sing.

- I can't get it out of my head now. - So true.

Hey, do you want me to sign something for you?

Because, I don't mind.

Really? That's...

You know how some celebrities get all high and mighty?

I just don't get it.

Oh...

Waste of my time.

Hey, that's priceless.

From this moment on, any time you're depressed

I want you to take a look at this and say

"I hate you, like I love you, in brackets."

It's a magic photo.

You can have it. Tuneless and brainless.

Hey man, being hot is like a full time job.

Dude, there's real news to be covered, and this is the crap I get?

Listen, she was news to me, Okay?

And honestly, I'd be happy to cover her anytime.

With what, your paunch?

For starters.

You met my friend, Nitin, the serial rapist?

Hello, serial rapist.

- Did you get something? - Yeah, some for you, some for me.

Alright, I'll be back after lunch.

Menaka, nice to meet you.

Where did I leave that package?

- Hey! - Oh.

- That's mine! - Sorry.

Hello, Arup?

- Arup? - Can you hear me?

What, fucker?

Oh, no, no. I was on the phone.

- Arup? - Hold on bastard.

Okay Arup, this is nice.

Very nice.

Thanks.

But do you think you can make him a little happier?

Happier? Who, the banana?

Yes, you know like he's having fun.

All his life he's wanted to be in a banana-split

and this is like a dream come true.

Dream come true, for the banana?

You know happy, something like...

Could you just do it once more?

If that's alright.

- You got it? - First thing tomorrow, I'll...

No, no, no. Now, the client is waiting.

- Right now? - Drop everything else. Do it now.

Hello, Arup?

Arup, are you there?

- What? - Hey, I need a favor.

Can you drop that package off for me?

No, I can't.

Didn't you hear that?

I'm stuck in fucking banana hell.

- And she wanted to touch a killer whale. - Come on they are

- like dolphins. - Mom?

Papa? What are you doing here?

- Surprise! - Surprise!

Surprise!

Come, come.

Even my Uncle's daughter got married on the 29th of November.

And they're so happy Mrs. Lhatoo!

Sorry, 29th November?

That's just a month away.

You don't have to worry.

Your mother and I will do all the running around.

Isn't that true, Mrs. Lhatoo?

That's what mothers do, son.

It's one.

Where's that driver, Mom?

Wasn't he supposed to be here at one?

I have to go the tailor's after this.

Relax, he'll be here.

Tashi, did you drop that stuff?

Hello? Yeah, Menaka.