Frasier

You trying to save Frasier from me

or you trying to save him for yourself?

Are you out of your mind?

Are you in love with him?

It's her or me!

Tell me now or I swear to God,

I will walk out of here and I will not come back!

There's no chance

you'll change your mind, is there?

No. KACL is ancient history,

Niles...

I need to talk to you.

You're not with Frasier, are you?

Why does everybody treat us like we're joined at the hip?

I do have coffee with people other than my brother, you know?

Good, 'cause I'm avoiding him.

Well, then, talk fast.

He's meeting me in five minutes.

It's about my new job.

It's a nightmare.

Didn't you just start today?

Yes... my boss already hit on me,

I'm supposed to work nights and weekends,

and my assistant is an idiot and I can't fire her

'cause she's like three minorities rolled into one.

I can't believe I left KACL

over some stupid snit.

Oh, yes, yes... your ultimatum.

Frasier told me about that.

Listen, this isn't an easy subject to broach, but...

is it possible you're in love with Frasier?

Absolutely not.

You sound sure. I am sure.

If I were going to fall for him,

it would have been two years ago

when we slept together.

Well, another theory I'd like to explore is...

whoa, back up!

You and Frasier slept together?

He didn't tell you?

No.

Well, I suppose it's only natural.

When the wolf and the lamb work together,

it's only a matter of time before the wolf gets his way.

I hope you were gentle with him.

Just promise me you won't tell him I told you.

I promise, I promise.

So... you're not in love.

But your behavior last night

clearly indicates some sort of crisis.

As a psychiatrist...

I just want my job back.

I'm not looking for some therapy trip.

All right, well...

why don't you just sweep your emotions under the rug

and waltz back to the station

as if nothing ever happened?

That's perfect. Thanks.

No, no.

I was being facetious.

My real advice would be... I know.

Talk about my feelings... blah-blah, woof-woof.

I got to go, Niles.

Thanks again.

Hey, Roz. Hey, Daph.

Hello, Darling.

Hey, you.

Well, we're all set.

I got us a home pregnancy test, a basal body thermometer

an ovulation kit.

Perfect.

I can upload all your data

into this fertility program I bought.

You kids sure know how to keep the romance alive.

Uh, two coffees, please.

Since when do you need

a chemistry set to make a baby?

I hear a "in my day" coming.

In my day, it was simple.

The girl would put on something slinky,

a guy comes home, has a couple of pops

throws some Dean Martin on the hi-fi,

and bim-bam-boom... you're lighting a Lucky.

Dad, Daphne, hi.

How you doing?

Listen, Niles, I've got to cancel our dinner.

I have to meet Roz's replacement

over at the station before the show.

What's this?

Are you pregnant?

Not yet, but we're trying.

Oh, well, congratulations.

You've got all the fertility software

and so forth?

Of course. We're not animals.

We're very excited.

Yes, we were up half the night

imagining life with our first child.

Well, first child you know about.

What does that mean?

Well, it's not what you think, Daphne.

I was just referring to the time

when Niles sold his sperm to a sperm bank.

Surely, you told her about it.

Off I go.

You sold your sperm?

Well, it was when I was home from medical school.

I saw an ad for sperm donors, so I sold my sperm

to the sperm bank...

Stop using that word!

Say "S".

I sold my "S" to earn some money

so I could buy Dad a Christmas present.

Which present?

The fishing pole.

You bought that with "S" money?

Why didn't you tell me?

Well, it was such a long time ago

it completely slipped my mind.

You're not really upset, are you?

Well, of course, I am.

That was my favorite pole.

I just thought this would be

the first child for both of us.

You could be a daddy already.

There could be dozens of little Niles Cranes running around.

He could be your son.

Or him.

Oh, please, they look nothing like me.

Besides, I only went down there one time.

It's possible they never used my sample.

Can I borrow your sugar?

Yeah.

I'd better look into this.

There she is.

Now, I've got to warn you, Doc.

She's in an eelchair-way.

Does her handicap preclude her from understanding Pig Latin?

Dr. Frasier Crane, king of the shrinks,

meet Dana Willoughby, queen of the sound board.

Hello, Dana.

Oh, it's my pleasure.

Likewise, I'm sure.

Listen, if you have any questions,

anything you'd like to know,

please feel free to call on me.

I'm here for you.

You know, actually there was one thing...

Will you excuse me?

Julia!

Oh, hi, Frasier!

Listen, we still on for dinner

at Chez Henri tonight?

Yes, of course. Do you have reservations?

Not as long as you're wearing

something black and slinky.

Ten seconds, Dr. Crane.

Oh...

Listen, why don't you stop by my place tonight

for a cocktail first?

I'll see you at 7:00.

Okay.

Hello, Seattle, this is Dr. Frasier Crane.

Our topic today is...

"New Beginnings."

I'd like you all to join me

in welcoming a new member to the KACL family...

Hey, Kenny.

Sorry I'm late.

Hey, Roz... whoa, whoa!

What are you doing here?

I work here.

You quit!

Oh, come on, Kenny.

If I quit, would I be here?

Who's that?

I'm sorry... I hired her because I thought...

Didn't you quit?

Kenny, what's wrong with you?

Never mind... I'll fix it like always.

Oh, thanks, Roz.

I owe you one.

As many of you may know,

my producer of ten years, Roz Doyle,

has left us for greener pastures.

Now, Roz was not only known

for her producing prowess, but also for

her warmth, her kindness and her gentle spirit.

Very well then... a beginning of a new era.

Let's go to our first caller.

We have Scott on line two.

Niles Crane.

Hi, I'll get you a cup and you can start...

Oh, uh, no, no, no.

I've already donated

my essence to your establishment.

Now I'd like to get it back.

I'm sorry, it's against our policy to return essences.

Oh, I see.

Well, could I at least check and see