Zakir Khan: Kaksha Gyarvi

Zakir - Is it fine? Check check check

Crew 2 - Tanmay can make the announcement

Tanmay - Alright ladies and gentlemen

We are good to go

Are you guys excited?

Are you guys excited?

Give it up for the very funny, the one, the only

Zakir Khan.

This was enough.

You did according to your capacity.

Recently a problem came up at home.

I am sharing it.

It is personal.

We all need to talk about this.

This is very serious.

Papa is on Facebook now.

Did you feel bad?

I mean

I tried to avoid it.

I tried to stop it.

I tried my best that this doesn't happen.

He used to ask me to open a Facebook account

So, I asked him

Do you have a passport?

He said that it got expired.

Then, I told him you cannot open one.

But now papa is on Facebook

He has added all my friends.

All those scoundrels are getting married.

They are celebrating at their reception and no food is

cooked at home.

What is this trend of wedding photoshoot all about?

I have all boys' school friends.

They never had the skills of doing love marriage.

So, they are doing arranged marriage.

Even then they are getting a photo shoot done.

It has been only three days you got engaged.

And only two weeks that you have started speaking with her.

I don't understand

The photographers have guts

They are trying to capture candid moments..

..of couple who are getting arranged marriage.

Because this kind of setting can only have awkward moments..

..forget candid moments.

And on top of that these people have changed all wedding customs.

I went to a friend's marriage.

Everything was different.

So, he asked whether we were performing a dance for the Sangeet?

I said Sangeet ? All aunties dance a little bit 'Bano teri...'

And that's it.

He asked me don't you know?

where were you for all these days?

I said I was out for 3-4 years.

He told that everything has changed.

I asked have they changed the syllabus?

He said completely.

It is fine till the friends perform.

Why do bride and groom have to perform?

And don't let the bride and groom dance together.

As it will look embarrassing.

Because 95% boys don't know how to dance.

And the rest 5 % are bastards.

They would dance like

Tere bin ??

Jiya naiyo lagda ??

Mein taan marjawan ??

There itself.

beside him the bride is standing

And she is giving a killer performance

She goes

Le ja le ja

Groom's parents are trying to hide themselves.

He is not our boy.

Amongst all my friends the biggest bastards are the boys' school guys.

Even today their problems have not resolved.

If you go

Anyone who has studied in a boys' school?

Look this is the calling of loneliness.

My boy's school friends

who are settled in US & Canada

they text me late at 3:00AM in the night,

which I receive in the afternoon very serious issues,

If your friend messages you late in the night, it means

he's in deep thoughts, thinking.

And by that serious talks,

The conversation ends in three lines

He texts, "Hi, how are you?"

I write back, "I'm fine"

next question

"Did you find 'THE ONE'?

The problem in our school was that till 5th grade the campus was different.

Morality was completely different.

In 5th we became big brothers.

We were shown a lot of respect

Teacher's used to talk

Mr. Khan you are 10 years old, you should behave responsibly now.

Absolutely sir.

Mummy please give me my bag I have to go to the office.

Yes

Once he even said that you are almost an adult.

Our rules were completely different

Once a 4th grader called someone a dog.

I scolded him. I said hey! Do not abuse.

After 6th grade we all came to a different campus.

It was a different world all together.

Imagine one of your NRI cousins

Ones who drinks Bisleri water

Oh my God India is so hot.

Imagine him. Pick him and put him in The Gangs of Wassaeypur

The way he will be shit scared

Guys, we really didn't know what was happening around

I can't tell you what's happening here.

Men studying in 12th grade are roaming here.

They have these moustaches like Danny

And their testosterones have no parity.

They don't know what to do with them..

..they are banging their head against walls.

And abuses are flying left, right, centre...

Like you have landed in pochinki in PUBG.

From everywhere

Left right center

One of the 12th boys is standing on one end of the school,

his friend Batra is standing on the other end of the school,

in the middle Vice Principal and two sports teachers are standing.

That guy is calling Batra from the other end Hey Batra, you sister f**ker

Batra also replies yes f**ker I'm coming

We thought they might get really punished for this.

Everyone just overlooked it.

Vice Principal and teachers went

we didn't hear anything

No not all

Our school kids

No. No

What are you talking about?

Every class has a boy.

And his crime is really petty

But he is punished as if he was roaming

Because of you

You fish rotten fish

The whole class feels for him.

That he did not do such a bad thing

For which he is being punished.

That's me.

I mean, when I was in 6-7th grade I knew 11th and 12th boys.

Because During their board exams they used to be outside the class

and I always used to stand outside the class

I used to say hi Devashish how are you?

They used to say. Do you always stand outside?

And in boys' school nobody used to complain about anyone.

Nobody tells anything.

One day we bent the fan out of shape

Why did we do it, we don't know.

I swear I don't know why we did it

I too want to know

Personally, I want to go back with time machine

And know what were we doing?

Why were we doing?

Anything used to happen in the school

The school had a round building.

Inside there were all classes.

And from top floor, 9th A one could hear

Dhoom dhoom Chak

Then the sound started coming from the top 2 floors.

Dhoom Dhoom Chak

Within 7 seconds the whole school new which is the next line

Everyone together

Poor teachers are writing on the board

We will

Teachers were startled

what happened

I don't know what mass mentality

That too such coordinated mass mentality

Nobody used to prompt

Nothing

Turned the fans out of shape

So now listen to the answer

Next day the Vice principal came and asked

What is all this?

Why did you do it?

Now listen to the answer

He says sir when we went they were straight

When we came back they were bent

They would have turned because of the wind

And this is the class monitor

So, forget about the backbenchers and the scoundrels

Anything random used to happen

Once upon a time, when I was in 7th standard

I kept my Math workbook ready

For once, my Math workbook was complete

I got it checked.

The rarest moment of my life

I got it checked and everything's set.

So I'm talking to my friend Anuj Chowdiah

Anuj is the topper of the class

He said, Tomorrow I'm attending a wedding.

I won't be able to settle my bad

I asked him, what does that mean?

He exclaimed, you don't know?

I asked, what exactly is it?

He explained, I basically arrange the books in my school backpack