Shining Vale

Previously on Shining Vale...

Is there depression in your family?

Her mother's psychotic.

- Are you my muse? - I'm Rosemary.

Tell me how to stop her from killing herself.

Maybe you resent all the time

I'm working with Kathéryn.

Kathéryn. Kathéryn. Kathéryn. Kathéryn.

- Pat! - Ooh, sorry, I stepped on...

- Sorry, no, it's all right. - Sorry.

- Mm. - Wow.

I thought you were a pedo grooming my son.

No, not a groomer.

Thought the same thing about your kid.

- Is there a Mrs. Laird? - Technically.

Hey, this Laird guy is actually pretty funny.

She was fucking my best friend.

- Said I quit. - All right.

I-I think you had one too many lemon zests, buddy.

It's called lemon drop, motherfucker.

What do you want from me?

This can't be good.

Holy shit. She's real.

Help me.

Fuck you.

Roxy, come here, baby. It's Mommy, come here.

Roxy. Fine, you're on your own.

God, it's Gaynor. Phelps?

Okay, I know we haven't talked in a while

except that one time, and then I got my period, so...

Gaynor, it's your mom.

Open up!

Holy shit, Mom. Go away!

Jesus! Oh, sorry about that.

Jake!

Jake! Oh!

Mom, I was just trying something.

Leave me alone. Close the door.

Ugh.

Terry, she's real.

You gotta come with me right now.

Terry.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Sometimes I fucking can't stand these people.

Gaynor, Jake, get down here now!

God, they say, "Liquor, then beer, everything clear."

But I swear lemon drops have rules all their own.

Why do we even have to go to Grandma's house?

- I thought you hated her. - I don't hate her.

We just have a complicated relationship.

Gee, what must that be like?

Trust me, you have it great here.

Oh, come on, Gaynor.

You haven't seen your grandma for a while.

Thought it'd be good for you kids.

Plus, your mom thought it'd be nice for us

to spend a little alone time.

Oh, honey, your breath is so bad.

- That's the vomit. - This is bullshit.

You only us this morning, and I already told Ryan and his mom

I'd go away with them. What do I tell them now?

Tell them you have to study for your ACT.

Okay, an ACT is if you're going to college,

and who says I'm going to college?

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't make that clear.

I did. Jake, now!

Pat, logic, not emotion, honey.

Gaynor, people who go to a four-year college

actually earn 57% more.

Plus, you're much more likely to meet

a intellectually compatible spouse in college.

Mom didn't go to college.

Does that mean she's intellectually inferior?

I'm gonna get some coffee.

Gaynor, I didn't have the opportunities

that you have.

You're going to fucking college.

Are they here yet? Did they leave?

Buddy, what's with the giant rucksack?

You're just going for the weekend.

Tommy and I always go treasure hunting.

Last time, we found an unexploded Civil War bullet.

Grandma's boyfriend,

our favorite Iraq War veteran, right?

- Mm-hmm. - My parents wouldn't take them?

- I tried three times. -

How about I agree to go

if you admit you're a total hypocrite?

Okay, how about I'm still your mom,

so stop talking to me like that?

- - It's your mother.

- Open up. - Oh, my God.

- Jesus, you crazy bitch. -

- Pat. - Hey, Mom.

Oh, wow. This-this house is a shit show.

Hi, Grandma.

Hello, my gorgeous girl.

It's like looking in a mirror.

Where's Tommy? Is Tommy here?

- Is he gonna come? - He-he's in the car cooling off.

He had a little incident on the way over.

- Aw, Terry. - Oh!

Oh, my... oh, how you holding up?

Holding up? What's... he's not a hostage.

Pat, I'm sure your mom's just asking

'cause I-I quit my job, Pat.

- - No, no, no, it's okay.

I was always good at, uh, socking away

a couple extra dollars from every paycheck.

In college, they called me the Squirrel.

I didn't know you lost your job.

I-I was talking about the affair.

- God, Mom. - What?

Don't be... don't. Don't be so defensive.

- Infidelity is genetic. - Mm.

Her father used to fuck around like a stray cat.

Could be some bad traffic on that bridge.

Let's get you on the road, okay?

Kids, have a great weekend. We'll see you Sunday.

Bye, Dad. Thanks, Mom.

Okay, love you, sweetie. Bye.

- Mom? - Yeah.

I just wanna say thanks for watching the kids this weekend.

Being a mother is the most difficult job.

No one knows that more than I do.

- So yeah, oh. - Mm.

This haircut is not flattering.

- No? - No.

- Okay. - Bye, Squirrel.

I think your hair looks good.

Oh, please, she's awful. Who cares?

Come on, we are moving out of this fucking house now.

I don't understand.

The other day, you said everything was great.

You were doing the best writing of your life.

We had bath sex.

Well, when you find out what happened in that tub,

you're gonna be scarred for life.

Was it a feces?

Okay, last night, I was down here alone,

and this projector came on

- all by itself. - Okay.

Okay, I know you're gonna say there's an explanation for it,

but explain this.

- - Okay?

Course it doesn't work now.

But there was footage of Rosemary at a birthday party

in this house, and then her-her face burned up.

- Oh. - She's real.

She killed herself in our tub. Terry, we can't stay here.

Pat, I just quit my goddamn job.

Now is not the time to take a loss on this house.

Okay, if you're not gonna help me,

then I will seek a professional.

Professional what?

Excuse me, Wiccan?

I need to get rid of a ghost.

Okay, were you sent here by a spiritual advisor?

Yelp.

And what type of an entity are we dealing with?

Um, a lady ghost.

There's a lot of different types of spirits.

I mean, you have orbs, poltergeists, succubi, demons,

which aren't even ghosts at all.

Okay, first of all, I fucking love

how normal this is to you.

Uh, her name is Rosemary.

She used to live in my house.

She was helping me write my book.

- So how do I burn her out? - Why do you want her out?

'Cause she's a fucking ghost.

So do you have, like, a-a... an amulet or something?

- Mm. - What about sage?

I heard... I've heard good things about that.

Yeah, sage could definitely work,

but it could also just make her angry.

Okay, well what happens if she gets angry?

There's about 1,000 movies

about what happens when a ghost gets angry.

I just want her the fuck out.

Well, if you want her the fuck out,

then you need to find out what the fuck she wants.

Okay, I will find out what the fuck she wants.

Ugh, why does everything have to be so hard?

Like us on Yelp.

Say aloha to the Phelps family tiki bar.

- Wow! - Hmm?

Ah, come on!

Yeah, Pat found it.

This is... this is insane.

If you weren't my best friend, I'd hate you.

Come on, Laird.

Hey, um, I-I was wondering

- if I could have a favor. - Sure.