Pistol

I love you!

Stop!

Shit!

Get back!

Hey! Man!

It still has Bowie's lipstick on it.

Fucking hell!

The Phantom of the Odeon strikes again.

Shit! Pull over!

Steve, pull over now.

I'm gonna lose my apprenticeship.

They'll definitely kick the shit out of us

for having a better motor than them.

I shouldn't have let you talk me into this.

- Won the pools, have we, lads? - Hello, Officer.

- Step out of the vehicle, sir. - All right.

"Dance To The Music"]

You're a fucking lunatic!

Do you want to keep your apprenticeship or not?

- Dance to the music! - Right, round this corner,

we're gonna jump out,

throw on the old cloak of invisibility, and scarper!

You and your bloody cloak of invisibility!

It doesn't work, does it?

Oh, it's only cos they can see you, you pillock!

Don't forget,

rehearsals tomorrow.

You mean...

we can rehearse here as long as we want?

Yep! We're rewiring the entire building.

- It'll take years. - Thanks, Dad!

Just make sure I get a ride in your Rolls when you're famous.

- Yeah, all right. - Cheers!

Yah!

All right, good news! I've come up with a new name.

What's wrong with the old name?

- Yeah, I like "The Strand". - Nah, it's boring.

- Like Glen's hair. - Piss off.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you "The Swankers".

- "The Swankers"? - Sounds like "Wankers".

Nah, it's edgy.

Why do you get to choose the name?

- It's my band. - You can barely sing.

I can sing better than you can play.

I'm the best musician.

You're also a jumped-up little ponce who likes The Beatles

- and minor diminished 4ths. - Oh, yeah.

Plus, I nicked all the gear.

Yeah. Yeah, you did.

Phantom of the Odeon.

And, uh... I've written an original.

- You? - Yeah.

Give us a look.

Oh, it's... It's not actually written down.

Oh! So, when you say you've "written" a song,

- you mean... - Don't be a prick, Glen.

Look, Wally, do you remember that riff

we was mucking around with the other day? It was like...

Nah, sorry.

Jesus! They don't call you "Wally" for nothing, do they?

Glen...

Do you remember the chords?

Try A.

Like this: Da-na-na-na-na...

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, that's right. Glen? D.

- Glen? - D.

All right, play D.

Yeah, Glen?

- E, maybe? - Yeah.

That's it. Right, repeat it.

- Give us some noise. - One, two, three, four!

- Come on, mate! - Come on!

What happens next?

Uh, I don't know. I gotta come up with more lyrics.

It's a bloody good start.

Well, it's not quite The Beatles, but...

It's better!

It's ours.

Oh, shut up, you ponce.

Right, one, two...

with the music,

Now we've got to think image.

Yeah, how about tight suits with white shirts and skinny ties?

- What, like The Beatles? - Bloody hell!

No! No, like The Small Faces. We cover their songs.

Yeah, it's a good idea.

No, it ain't. It's no good copying other bands.

We gotta be like us.

What, four broke, working class gits who can't play for shit?

The Fucked Four.

Yeah.

What?

All them dinosaur bands

with their "oh, look at me" 15-minute guitar solos,

they don't mean nothing to us,

cos we're just... we're pissed off, we're bored,

we're trying to scrape together enough for another pint.

We're invisible. No one gives a shit about us.

You know? So, we don't give a shit about no one else.

You know? So, we don't give a shit about no one else. Maybe that should be our image.

Maybe that should be our image.

That! You know?

Not giving a shit!

So, no suits?

No! No fucking suits.

You think I can't see you.

You mean, you can?

Maybe the old cloak of invisibility

is wearing a bit thin.

Put 'em back.

Or I'll beat your brains out.

I didn't think you Yanks played cricket.

I'm not playing. Put them back.

- You must be new. I'm Steve. - Put them back!

They're for me band! They're for me band!

Viv... Viv said I could take whatever I wanted.

Did I?

Oh...

Right, I... I thought that's what you said.

- Do you remember? - You're that mouthy kid

that's always trying to steal things.

Seems like that cloak of invisibility is a bit shit.

Here at Sex,

we don't call the police.

We have our own methods of dealing with felons.

What did you steal?

See, I thought that you said it'd be OK

if I borrowed some things to wear on stage.

Cos our band's gonna be really famous.

Where do you play?

Look, we're in the rehearsal phase right now,

Look, we're in the rehearsal phase right now, but... we'll be playing soon.

but... we'll be playing soon.

Who are your influences?

Roxy Music, Mott The Hoople, Bowie...

Bowie's a big one.

You heard about that fella what got on stage,

nicked a load of gear after the "Ziggy" show

nicked a load of gear after the "Ziggy" show at the Hammersmith Odeon?

at the Hammersmith Odeon?

That was me.

One of the mics still had Bowie's lipstick on it.

In my book, thievery's the highest form of flattery.

In my book, thievery's the highest form of flattery. Oh, we should be flattered, Viv!

Oh, we should be flattered, Viv!

- Why'd you steal these? - Cos they're cool.

- Why'd you steal these? - Cos they're cool. Why are they cool?

Why are they cool?

Cos they're trousers, which is really normal, right?

Cos they're trousers, which is really normal, right? But they're bondage...

But they're bondage...

...like a straightjacket for a mental patient,

which isn't normal, you know?

So, it's sort of like the world.