True North

I hope some of that's for me.

What?

You think I'm daft? All that stuff is settling up?

A fair share for a week at sea.

C'mon, you were fiddling the books, weren't ya ?

Want to check? - No, no. You're OK.

No, no here. See, that's the takings. That's the costs.

That is what the bank takes. That is the surplus. And...

Sean. Sean! - What?

I said it's OK. OK?

So you still up for our wee business thing?

It's not that bad. - Sean, your losing money on every trip.

Now I got you the contact, and you got us all the way from Scotland.

Don't back out now, man. - I'm thinking about it, alright?

Sorry.

So, how did we do?

Want to take a look?

Not now.

Did you read the letter from the bank yet?

Dad, they're serious.

They'll take the boat and sell it for scrap.

I mean it, Dad. They will!

Maybe we ought to think about other options.

What other options?

Son, just let me catch the fish, right?

You want the light on? - Leave it.

Sean? - What?

Where's the washing? - In the bag.

What bag? - The washing bag.

No, the clean washing! - That has the clean washing!

Oh, you mean the black bag. The one that's in the lav?

Why's it in the lavvy?

My sexy t-shirt's in there!

Will you pick that up? - Aye, when I find my t-shirt.

Aye, skip.

We're... We're going out.

I'd like to eat.

You mean now?

Before you go.

I'll get you something, then.

- Alright, panic over. Make over. Sex bomb is back in the building.

Ooh, that smells naff.

Alfie, you coming?

It's OK, son.

I'll make my own dinner.

You can get lost alone.

Well, you better not be late behind then. Go on.

I'm ready.

Good, cuz I'm not. - Will you hurry up!

Excuse me. I didn't hear anyone mention that to Michelangelo...

when he was painting his Sistine Chapel.

What's he mean? - He means your hair

What's wrong with it?

Nothin'...

...that a minor adjustment won't solve.

Clown.

Thank you, Lord, for that which we are about to receive.

It was really boring, by the way.

Go on. - What's the problem?

It looks good. It looks good. Trust me. Big improvement.

It does? - Skip?

Am I a number? - It's OK.

See. Can't say the skipper, man. Looks tight! Rock and roll!

Rockabilly. Looks wonderful. Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Oh, jacket, jacket. - With license.

You just going to your bed, then?

Where are you going?

Foreign port. See the sights.

Sights?

- Sean, have you seen my jacket? No!

You staying on board? - Somebody has to.

Right.

Sean. Sean!

Do you really want to be a skipper?

Let's go. Let's go.

Of course.

Well, you know, son...

a good skipper always puts his boat first.

- C'mon, man, it's 9:30. Can we go?

I've got to go.

What is Rockabilly?

It's what's gonna get you laid, boy!

What if I don't like it? - What is it with you?

Did you make a pact with somebody you're going to die a virgin?

Is that what it is?

You reckon it's safe?

It is money in the bank, man. It's in the bank.

What? - Sean's new business plan.

We're going down the docks and find some nice Philippino sailors, grease ourselves up

and let them ram up our asses, for a fiver. You want to come?

No.

Oh, I know you want to come. You want to come.

No, I don't want to go. - Are you a natural blonde?

Show us your balls. - Leave him.

Let's find out if he's actual blonde. - Leave him!

Would you lighten up! I'm just having a laugh, alright?

Are you leaving me here, then? - No.

Yes.

Still got that number? - I gave you.

You never gave me... - I gave you the number.

When did you give me the number? - I gave you the number.

You never gave me any number, Ril... - Now.

You know who knows this guy is? - He is a guy. The guy is a guy.

Make the call, man. Make the call.

That hurt!

Riley?

Riley?

Hello. My name is Svetlana.

No, thank you.

I'm looking for something...

a bit different.

I heard you may be a good person to contact...

about transportin' things.

We are a transport company. What transport do you need?

No... I thought we could transport something for you.

On a ship sailing for Scotland tomorrow.

We've got a lot of spare room on board.

I was thinking maybe we could take something over for you.

Freight.

Cigarettes?

Yes?

Yeah, cigarettes.

And you want to pay all the tax? - No, we won't be...

Lots of tax to pay here.

And the import tax for your English queen, also.

No, without tax.

Sir?

You know. Black market. Smuggling.

I tell you something, cigarettes is bad, you know?

They make you cancer.

My dear uncle is smoking all the time...

he gets cancer of the mouth, they cut out his tongue.

Some American son of a bitch with his cigarette company is rich

with selling him cancer to cut out his tongue!

That's your cigarettes!

Thanks.

Hey.

How much space you've got? - Couple of tons.

You want to earn money?

I might be interested in earning some money.

Ya! Good!

I've got something today from Budapest.

I was going to put it on the ferry

but they are checking the trucks these days, you know?

So, count it!

Alright, they are ready for you now.

OK! Here we go!

It's all yours.

You have any videos?

I thought this was all you have.

OK. You've cleaned me out. Now show me what you got.

You take them over.

You take them over is all.

It is a good thing.

All because of someone like you, my beautiful mother

lived until 1986 instead of murdered by Adolf Hitler.

I read.

You want the money or not?

Dad?

You asleep?

Okay, let's go. Come on. Come on.

Follow my friend.

Let's go!

Let's go. Come on!

"Tonight's the night... Tonight's the night"

"Feel the other, Feel the other"

"Tonight, night. Tonight..."

Sean?

Sean, who the fuck are these guys?

Who the fuck are you?

And what the fuck are you looking at?

Hey, take your hands off! What the fuck is...?

It's okay. Okay? Everything is okay. It's all okay.

It's okay! All is okay.

There seems to an awful lot of Chinese people on this ship.

Aye.

What do you mean, "aye"? You were supposed to go get some fucking cigarettes. What's going on?

What's going on is 4,000 for you when we get home.

Cash?

Pounds? - No, chain assorted.

Holy mother of God.

You fucking genius!

Okay.

Come on!

Yeah, yeah... Okay.

Shut up.

Welcome to Sean's sea cruises.

Mind the steps.

There you go.

They leave the biggest till last.

It's a fucking joke. Jesus Christ almighty.

Sshhh.

It's all okay.

4 thousand pounds, Seany!

That's a ton of money. That's buy a car kind of money.

Prawn cocktail... They're Chinese, aren't they?

You're at sea all the time. - What?

You're at sea all the time. - So?

So what do you need a car for? - Because I'm a man!

Get me a new Alfa. - And you'll get one of them for four grand?