Fastlane

Are you a cop?

Am I supposed to answer that?

No, baby, you're supposed to hold still.

Hope you don't mind cold hands.

She pats you down every time she sees you. I need you to spread your cheeks wider.

- Wider? - Wider.

- Wider. - I need access to the taint, yo.

Okay.

You smell something burning?

Aah. Ha, ha!

- Ahh, I love the smell of real money. - Wherever you got it, put it back.

Guy in Evidence owes me. Long as we have it back in the morning...

Is this bedtime? Did I ask for a story?

We're supposed to be high-end, hooked-up buyers.

You wanna go in with Monopoly money, huh?

Those fake bills aren't gonna fly. That's like going with our badges around our necks.

Van, I'm thinking maybe this is a bigger issue...

leading to a long conversation as to the nature of morality...

You wanna play mystical Negro, I'll buy you the robe.

Which one of these is gonna make her bite? Because that ends the whole debate.

Have a Happy Meal. Be happy.

You wax your ass.

Don't tell the guys.

She's gonna find it.

- I'm almost done. - Me too.

She's gonna find it, you watch.

Aah!

This thing's got some serious oversteer.

Find what you were looking for?

He's gone offline, sir. - We lost him?

- So? - I'm thinking 80.

We said a hundred.

- Yeah, but that oversteer... - Ls non-existent.

If I was here to get bent over and doggied, wouldn't I be barking?

You've used that line before.

How about you just show me what we're talking about here?

Let him count it. It's not like it's Monopoly money.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Lay them down, now.

- Andre, you cool? - Go. Go.

- We're all clear. Van, you all right? - Yeah.

But I've got a rug burn like you wouldn't believe.

Dre?

Close it down, close it down now.

You went offline. You went offline.

The deal was right.

All we needed was a little faith and for your guys to scope the stands.

That's what we did.

Well, your seeing eye dog missed the damn sniper.

Hey, Ray, don't put this on me.

I clocked out, my partner's alive.

- Unh! - Officer Ray.

I'm sorry for your loss.

But I'm curious.

Where is that hundred thousand dollars you stole from the evidence locker this morning?

The good news is...

I don't wanna hear the answer.

You get that money back, lD the shooter, I'll pin the medal on you myself.

And your partner gets the kind of hero's funeral he deserves.

But first thing Monday morning...

if the DA doesn't know the heroes from villains...

there's just a big, juicy front-page mess...

like it is now?

Well, son...

guess whose ass they're gonna go buck wild on?

Great! Great!

You need some help?

No.

No, I got it, thanks.

You sure?

I've had my eye on you for a while, Van.

Look, you about to ask me out or something?

Because I'm having a really bad day.

Add that to the long list of amazing mistakes you've made in your career.

Don't make another one.

Today was not your fault, but it is your problem.

The girl, the fence, you and Detective Hayes were on her two months.

- Three. - I've been on her six.

You want another shot at her?

Think about it.

Whoo!

Yeah.

I'm calling for Deaqon Hayes? - Speaking.

This is Maynard Blanchard, L.A.P.D. Homicide.

It's about your brother.

He was shot in the line of duty and I'm sorry he died as a result of his injuries.

There will be a memorial service...

Sorry about your brother.

You ' re not here for no funeral.

But you gonna be good for funeral business.

You don't know nothing about telling fortunes.

And in fact, don't nobody know what the hell you do for a living.

And your ass lost weight.

I'm down five pounds and F you, I'm on the Zone.

- Welcome back to home plate, player. - Good to see you, dawg.

- Heard about what's been going on here? - Whatever you know, I wanna know.

Oh, a little "'Vengeance is mine, ' saith the Lord" type action, huh?

You must be a mind reader, player.

We're talking about real hardcore stuff going down.

Four-man crew, all they do is hit slangers, man.

Talking about coming into your crib, military assault...

Jason hockey mask...

sticking AK-47s right at your neck...

taking your stash, your cash, and your cars.

It's what your brother was buying, man. Some G rides yanked off them dealers.

That homeboy that wet him down, he's jamming his jimmy where it don't belong.

Man, this dude is a ghost. Nobody knows his face, name, nothing.

What's up with the fence? Girl named Cassidy.

Now, I could point you in her direction, but if things get a little too hot for you...

then what might be in that drawer over there may help you out.

What happened?

- Cops came out of nowhere. - They never come out of nowhere.

Did the buyers bring them? Are the buyers cops?

I need to know.

- So you want me to what? - The hotshot who flipped the GT.

I want you to wrap yourself around him.

Find out who he is.

If he's a buyer, I want his money.

And if he's a cop, I want his head.

- But you're not happy about it. - I'm happy.

I know when you're lying.

Nobody knows when I'm lying.

I need a hard charger who will drop his life and never look back.

A face that can get past the rope and a body good to go all night.

We spend all our time going after foot soldiers.

- I want the generals. - I have no idea what you're talking about.

I'm talking about access. Resources.

Doing it from the inside.

The ultimate backstage pass.

Welcome to the Candy Store.

Everything you see came off some high-rolling scrote...

who thought he was too rich for the backseat of a squad car.

Normally, it would go to auction.

I had an idea.

Everything we seize, we keep. Everything we keep, we use.

This is a life of crime, 24/7.

You don't drop cover, you never flash a badge.

So?

Officer Van Ray is getting transferred to Oblivion County.

And in the murder of an unidentified African-American male...

at the lrwindale Speedway, Van Strummer is wanted for questioning.

The jacket we build will go a long way to re-establishing your credibility with the girl.

That, plus a few key props, will get you next to her.

Yeah. I know where to find her.

Whether she'll do business again, well...

that's when we see if I chose wisely.

You chose wisely.

- Bring cops again? - I didn't bring them last time.

And technically you and I never closed so I'm here for my hundred thousand.

You bought a car, you wanna drive it upside-down, that's on you.

Look, Cassidy, uh, I got a little situation.

You see, that car was for a buyer out of Tokyo.

It was his hundred, he's still driving around a Datsun.

So I thought I'd swing by, see if you wanna talk business.

There's a warrant out for your arrest, do you know that?

What will the kids in my fan club say when they find out?

My single's just gonna tank.

Jokes and chat. Just Mr. Wow looking to move some rides, huh?

Yeah. Because before me, you never caught a bust, never did time...

never got a ticket, probably gonna marry a senator.

Look, there goes your maid of honor.

So very entertaining and I'm even enjoying myself...

but it doesn't tell me what you're about.

I think you're coming light for a guy who watched his buddy get killed.

That guy was my porter...

did all my heavy lifting. I go through five a month.

He was lazy, was stealing, English was his second language...

and I don't think he had a first. Now, don't get me wrong.

What happened out there wasn't cool, but, you know, saved me a bitch slap.

Ouch. You'd suck to work for.

But I'm fun to hang with.

I recall a moment or two.

But hoping you can trust somebody isn't the same as knowing.

So for all future business, I'm gonna need 500,000 cash...

and I don't wanna hear that it will take you a couple days.

Because you know who takes a couple days?

The cops.

Ain't you gonna frisk me?

I'll see you.

Good party.

You got my note.

If I turn around and you're wearing a dress, I swear I'm gonna throw up.

Speedway, the guy who got shot.

- Who pulled the trigger? - I don't know.

Well, gee, I guess I'll let you get back to the party then.

Sorry to bother you, man. Maybe I could buy you a Bellini.

Okay, now, I wanna find out who did it too, okay?

- That guy worked for me. - He was your porter.

You hire five a month, English was his second language.

- Saved you a bitch slap. - Okay.

- I think what I need to do here is explain... - Ls this bedtime? Did I ask for a story?

Oh, my God.