Milkwater

You having fun?

Yeah.

Yes, yes, they're great.

It's they're just... it's a lot, you know?

What about you?

- Are you having fun? - Yeah.

Don't tell her,

but I'm actually kind of glad KJ put this together.

Yea, I know you're like the little lesbian child bride

of Damascus.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Excuse me.

In this country, we don't drink when we are pregnant.

Uh, mm, mm.

Okay, um, she says she's actually sacrificing this one,

so it doesn't matter.

Thank you for your concern.

Noor.

Come.

Ooh!

You're uh, you're being beckoned back

to the daughters of Isabella over there.

- Okay, you coming back over? - Yes.

Yes, I just need a break from Joshlyn's mom.

It's actually Ashlyn and Jayden.

Oh my God.

Okay.

Uh.

- Ew, George. - Hey.

Why are you wearing this sweatshirt?

Ashton gave it to me.

We're writing little messages on the diapers,

so the baby feels supported...

Ah!

When it shits or something.

I wrote the littlest feet leave the biggest footprints

in our hearts.

- Oh. - Oh, wow.

- Oh. - It's cute.

Thank you.

I found it online.

Wait, who's Jeff Lanskey?

That's amazing.

It's just um, just an inside joke

from middle school.

Oh, he was this um, kid who was obsessed

with Captain Underpants in seventh grade

and he wore a diaper over his pants,

but then the teachers made him stop,

because he was getting made fun of,

but it was still like really clear

he was wearing a diaper under his pants.

And Noor used to call him "petty officer underpants",

because he wasn't high-ranking enough.

That is true.

Wow, that's amazin.

Now it's like I'm in the joke.

And I got suspended for that,

but Milo hooked up with our chem teacher

the night after high school graduation

and that was all good.

Yeah, girl, Mr. Rashkoff was fine as hell.

Oh.

He was such a hot commodity, he had to hook up with her.

- Ooh. - Oh.

Well, okay uh, tell us how you really feel.

Not you, I just...

I mean like there's a reason why certain men

can't get people over the age of 18 to fuck them, right?

Yes!

Okay, I think I'm gonna head out.

Yeah?

Yeah.

- Seriously? - Yes.

I was just kidding.

No, I know.

I'm just tired I wanna go home.

You know what you need?

Neutrofirm.

Sorry?

Neutrofirm, it's this amazing

multi-level marketing lifestyle brand

that can actually give you like so much energy.

My college roommate, her brother committed suicide.

I know, so sad.

And I swear to God, it stopped her

from getting like depressed or whatever.

It's great for her skin.

Pool!

That sucked.

Are we assholes for leaving early?

I was getting pretty tapped out of pin the fetus on the uterus.

I know.

I always feel so aggressively like single and young

when I'm with Noor's college friends.

I'm not like single and young you know, like ugh,

oldest cousin sitting at the kids' table

of Thanksgiving single and young.

Milo, I have full confidence you'll find some man

to intellectually intimidate and emotionally torture

until you can buy a brownstone, get divorced,

and live happily ever after.

Ooh, is that truly so much to ask of me?

Um, sorry.

Could you uh, watch my stuff?

I have to make a phone call.

Yeah, sure.

Shit, fuck.

What?

No, this Tinder boy I've been standing

for finally texted me back to hang out.

It's like 11:00, dude.

Yeah, I mean I don't think he's tryin'

to catch the New York Philharmonic.

Are you gonna go meet him?

No, I mean I don't... I don't have to.

Go.

It's fine.

Really?

Yeah.

I mean I've already lost one best friend

to her parasitic wife.

What's another to anonymous sex?

Oh my God, George, do you mean like right now?

Sorry, he's just right around the corner.

- I can wait, though. - No, it's fine.

Honestly, I'm just gonna head home

if this guy ever comes back for his stuff.

Oh my God, what if this is like one of those subway ads?

Si ves algo, di algo.

- I love you. - Love you, have fun!

Be safe, huh.

Interesting.

No.

No, no, no, no.

Totally my fault.

Yeah, I just uh...

No, I just... I'll know for next time.

Yeah.

So what if we uh, uh, Andy?

Hello?

Some um, masked vigilantes came in

and tried to steal your stuff,

but I beat them off with the pool cue,

so you're welcome.

What?

Oh.

Uh, uh, thank you.

Oh, sorry.

You're young.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah, sure, go for it.

So uh, my bar manager

downloaded this dating app for me.

Oh no, friends don't let friends swipe right for them.

Right, just when I swore I'd die alone.

Anyway, I thought it was really clicking with this guy

and we're supposed to have our first date tonight,

he just totally blew me off.

Huh, can I see your messages?

Okay, okay, okay, flirty good.

Yeah, no, he never confirmed.

- He totally did. - Mm-mm, where?

"Can I take you out to dinner?" I said.

He said, "I don't know.

Can you?"

I said, "Ha-ha.