Step by Step

I'm glad you're here.

Hey, see if you can guess what this sound is.

It's a love boat

dropping an anchor in the harbor of your heart.

Hey, I went to this killer bike ride last night, right?

I met the dude of your dreams.

So, in your opinion, the dude of my dreams is a biker.

Totally!

Hey, when I picture the two of you together

I see sparks flying.

-Maybe you're having a stroke. -Yeah. I wish.

No, this is gonna be great. I can see it now.

You'll be cruising on the back of his hog

the wind flowing through your hair

his name tattooed across your butt, just styling.

Ha!

Cody, as much as I love

to see myself on the back of somebody's hog,

I don't think so.

Color me disappointed?

Man!

And I thought you'd jump at the chance

to have a date with Brad Pitt.

Brad Pitt?

Cody, wait!

Cody, wait!

So, Rich, what do you wanna do tonight?

Watch a little tube?

Too boring.

- Bowling? - It's too tiring.

Man!

Must be something a couple of studs like us

can do tonight.

I got it, man.

French kiss.

I'm outta here.

Not us, you moron.

I figure, we could go scrounge up a couple of babes

and go see that movie, French Kissat the drive-in.

We'll be French kissing at the drive-in.

Yeah. When the girls see Kevin Kline's movie star face

they'll get totally hot.

Couple of love machines

named J.T. Lambert and Rich Halke!

Yeah!

-They'll love us! Yes! -Yes!

Okay, guys.

The moment we've all been waiting for.

The new Victoria's Secret online catalog.

Yes!

Gentlemen,

welcome to the spring collection.

Hi, boys.

So, as you can see, the high-resolution screen

gives you more pixels per inch.

in cyber space than the Wonderbra.

Man, how do they always know when we're having fun?

It's a mom thing, 'cause they got, like

radar in their female parts.

Yeah, moms are a real drag.

Tell me about it.

Geez, even the kids on Full House

get to stay out later than that.

Come on!

You think that's bad?

In fact, last week, when I was trying on pants

you know what she yelled out so the whole store could here?

"Sweetie, make sure there's plenty of room in the crotch."

- It's the worst! - It gross.

Hey, wait, I got an idea.

Let's go see that new horror movie tonight.

- You know, Blood Fest 4? - Yeah.

I heard they got real footage of a guy's head exploding

and everybody eats his brain.

-Awesome! -Yeah.

- Mom? - Yeah.

Great. What're you gonna see?

Blood Fest 4.

Blood Fest 4?

Is that the one where the guy's head explodes

and they eat his brain?

I don't think so.

Why? There's no sex in it.

Well, excuse me, but I just happen to think

that cannibalism is sick.

Earth to Mom, it's a movie.

Hello.

Goodbye.

Man, she shot you down.

Yeah.

Like your mom's gonna let you go.

His mom wouldn't even let him see Little Mermaid

'cause Ariel had too much cleavage.

Hey, man, speaking of cleavage,

your mom's kind of a babe.

Shut up!

So, honey, that's why Second and Ten is a passing down.

Tomorrow's walk, we're gonna talk about the nickel defense.

-Hi, honey. -Frank.

Do you still happen to have that tool belt in your truck?

Sure, I do. Why?

I want you to staple Mark's mouth shut.

He used to be so polite.

All he says to me now is,

"Duh! Earth to mom. Hello."

He treats me like I'm some kind of idiot.

Carol, he is 14 years old, and you're his mother.

To him you're an idiot.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that Mark is at an age

when he wants to break away from his mother.

It's all part of nature's plan, honey.

Now, take wolves.

When a young male wolf cub reaches puberty

he wants to leave the den.

Wants to make it on his own, run with the big wolves

pee on things.

Well, I hate this teenage boy stuff.

You know, the other day, I took Mark shopping for pants

I ask him one little, innocent question

he practically bit my head off.

No, honey, you didn't ask him

if there was room in the crotch, did you?

Well, it's important.

Take some advice from me, okay?

For the rest of Mark's life don't mention his crotch.

I'm serious. He said he could get me a date with Brad Pitt.

I don't know how he knows him, it's Cody.

I mean, a couple of months ago

he was playing foosball with Nelson Mandela.

He... He knows people.

Hey-hey. And I'm on to let you too, dude.

-Cody! -Hey-hey.

-Hello. -Hey.

Um, I was wondering

if we could talk a little bit more

about that guy that you said

you wanted to set me up with.

You mean Brad Pitt?

All right.

about the guy from the movie Legends of the Fall?

Dude, do you know him?

Cody, Brad Pitt is

only the sexiest man in America.

I'm not really into guys, you know?

But, he does have a certain je ne sais quoi,

So, you, you really think

that you could get me a date with Brad Pitt?

Totally! Hey, the Pittmeister would be totally stoked, man.

Hey, when I showed him your picture

he'd die with a smile on his face.

Who am I to disappoint Brad Pitt?

That's what I said.

Hey, J.T., you ready for a little French Kiss?

Yeah. What're you doing here?

I thought we were gonna, you know

I am here to pick up my date.

Hi, Rich. I'll be right down.

You think you're taking

my little sister to the drive-in?

Yeah. Man, I hadn't seen her in a while.

She is so choice.

- She's choice? - Yeah, man.

-She's choice? -Yeah.

You're dead!

Get off me! Get off me.

What is your problem?

My problem is you're trying

Hey, it's not my fault! She picked me up at the mall!

And another thing,

she's got one hot little bod.

- Man, you are dead, man. - What?

-What? -You are dead...

Stop! Just stop it! What're you doing?

What?

Yeah, that's because he is.

Ho, really?

Well, then, I'm gonna talk to you

in the kitchen, miss.

Excuse me, big brother's calling.

Al, you are not going to the drive-in with this guy.

Yeah? Says who?

Says me.

Do you know what goes on in a drive-in?

It's just an excuse for a guy to make out with a girl.

I know. That's why I wanna go.

Man, you are sick.

The guy is way too old for you, anyways.

He's 18, I'm 16.

What is the big deal?