Hammer House of Horror

Ah, there she is - Sarah.

Well, now, don't keep her waiting, and enjoy your week off. You've earned it.

- Thanks. Thanks for the cottage. - Think nothing of it.

It's been a successful trip. You're a good lawyer.

So are you. See you.

Taxi!

- It's good to have you back. - You make a wonderful chauffeur.

Certainly. Where to, sir?

Back to the flat for a quick...

change of clothes, then straight down to the West Country and Harry's cottage.

We should be there by suppertime.

We'll never make it to the cottage by suppertime. We should've left earlier.

Well... it doesn't seem quite so urgent now, does Lt?

You're making me blush.

You've nothing to be modest about, Mrs Martin.

Well, only another hour.

Couldn't Harry have bought a cottage closer to civilization?

Don't be so ungrateful.

Anyway, for a honeymoon, even a delayed one like this,

who needs civilization?

Actually, it's quite near to the village, I believe.

A beautiful wild garden.

Harry says it even has its very own magpie. It's quite tame.

When you get this partnership, Tom, will you be able to be with me more?

I hope so.

That's funny.

- What? - I've taken my foot off the gas,

but we're still accelerating.

Damn.

- What's wrong? - It's bloody jammed.

I knew something like this was going to happen.

Cross your arms over your face.

Thank God.

Are you all right?

Come on. Let's get out.

Oh, Torn! For goodness' sake... for God's sake.

I thought you didn't believe in God.

Well...

here we are in the middle of nowhere.

We'll have to thumb a lift.

How many cars have you seen in the past hour?

- Phone. Phone for help. - A phone?

Where phone?

You know, it's really peaceful here.

I think part of me kind of expected to be here.

Wind up here.

Come on.

We could always sleep under the stars, like the raggle-taggle gypsies.

Look, there's a gate.

It doesn't look very promising.

It's worth a look.

Come on.

It's just a path through the woods. I think we should stick to the road.

Follow me.

Well, now... what have we here?

- Cold? - Mm.

- Hasn't it gone quiet? - Listen.

I can hear children.

- Children? - Listen.

- Yes. - Come on.

I can't hear any children now. Maybe we imagined it.

- Do you think they've got a phone? - I don't even know if anyone lives here.

This must be the back of the house.

Well, the proper way in must be round the other side.

There's probably a main road a few yards away.

And hopefully, a garage.

Good evening.

Our car's broken down and I wondered if we could...

Use the telephone! Of course.

Of course. Come in, my clears.

Come in.

My goodness. What a nuisance for you.

Is there a road on the other side of the house?

A road, dear?

Yes. I'm sure we must have come the long way round.

Bless you, dear. There's no other road round these parts.

Come along. Follow me.

There's not a garage nearby.

The nearest town is Applegrove, and that's 23 miles away.

Still, they probably have an emergency service.

Well, there's the phone, and you're welcome to use it.

You do look chilled, dear. Why don't you come with me into the parlor?

I'll make you a nice cup of tea, or cocoa.

Perhaps you'd prefer a glass of red wine.

Come in.

My name is Mrs Ardoy.

My name's Sarah. My husband's name's Tom. Tom Martin.

I hope he's lucky with that phone.

Sit down by the fire, dear.

The clogs won't hurt you.

Have a nice glass of wine.

Thank you.

Mm. It's delicious.

We grow it ourselves. Er... make it here at the manor.

From your own vines?

Pinot noir.

Mr Ardoy has the touch.

It's difficult to grow in Britain,

but Mr Ardoy can grow anything.

Green fingers.

Oh, no, clear.

Mr Ardoy doesn't have green fingers.

What about car hire? Could you hire me a self-drive car?

Tomorrow.

No, I'm afraid that's too late.

OK. Thanks.

Good bye.

Carrots, peas...

Oh! And lovely fruit, my dear.

The most beautiful red apples you've ever seen.

We have our own clear spring, too.

You must taste the water.

So, you're completely self-supporting?

Oh, completely. Yes. Yes. Quite completely.

And vegetarian.

No...

No, the children do like their little bit of meat.

Oh, that's them, the little horrors.

They must have heard you arrive.

How many?

- Mm? - How many do you have?

About eight.

Eight little lovelies.

Eight's a very large family for these clays.

Oh, they're not all mine!

Some of them are fostered and some are little stepchildren.

Mr Ardoy's been married before?

Oh...

well, you know what it's like around these parts.

You look famished.

I'm going to make you some soup. Soup and an omelette.

I do hope we didn't wake them up.

Oh, they never go to bed at normal hours.

Not our little ones.

Yes, OK. I understand.

Yes. Thanks.

Good bye.

Hello.

Now, where have you come from?

They're very shy. Not used to people.

I haven't had much luck, I'm afraid.

You wouldn't, dear. This is really the back of beyond.

Hello.

Come on in, I won't eat you.

He's not having much luck, poor thing,

so I've offered you could stay the night.

Oh...

- Oh, that's really too much trouble. - Oh, there's plenty of room, clear.

That turret room's always prepared.

Sometimes Mr Ardoy likes to bring a friend home, you know what they're like.

Your husband's gone to get your things from the car.

- Well, if you're sure you don't mind. - A real pleasure. And a privilege.

Ah!

Eloise, I know you're there.

Come along in. And you others.

Cheeky little pups.

Hello.

This is Eloise.

And Andreas, Sophy and lrenya.

Children,

this is Mrs Martin.

How do you do?

That's our brother Tibor. Would you like to meet him?

Yes, please. I'd love to.

Well, I'll see to the supper.

Have you had your supper, Eloise?

Yes. It was soup.

Mutton broth?

Of course.

It's getting dark outside.

What's that for? Let me see.

I...

The children are very shy, but they like you, clear.

They're extraordinarily pretty.

Thank you.

Is Tom back?

He's only just gone.

Oh, then I'll give him a hand with the luggage.

Oh, I'm sure he'll be all right.

Oh, well, so am I, but I'd like to help him anyway.

Fine.

Why don't you take the dogs? They're very obedient.

If you don't mind, I think I'd like to go alone.

- They know the woods. - I'll stick to the path.

Tibor?

Eloise?

Back, Sarah, back!

Run for the house. For God's sake, just run.

What is it, Tom? What's wrong?

Hurry, hurry! Don't look back.

What is it, Tom? What's wrong?

What is it? What's happened?

There's something awful out there. There's something terrible in your woods.

Whatever's happened?

Well, I was on my way... back to the car,

- but just as I got near the road... - Yes, what was it?

Well... maybe I'm going mad...

but there was this... strange thing,

this creature.

I've never seen anything like it.