Shredder

Jesus Christ!

Christ, Cole!

You scared the shit out of me!

Save your energy for the mountains.

Come on.

Or we could do it right here.

Hey, good call.

And mess up all my clothes?

Don't you want it to be special and romantic and unforgettable?

Back in the bathroom then?

I'm sorry. I'm just... really anxious for this weekend.

A romantic getaway alone...

holed up in a secluded mountain chalet...

just the two of us.

Honey, about that romantic weekend alone?

No more RSVPs.

Well, that's too bad.

I think there's room for one more on the luggage rack.

Aw, don't you be such a grumble bunny.

Relax there, bunny. We just came to shred...

and, no doubt, my cousin dragged us along to cramp your style.

Close up.

World-champion snowboard god Kirk Armstrong and... this chick.

Pike.

Exterior: U.S. 23.

The fateful road.

The road to...

The highway to destiny.

At the wheel, we have Cole Davidson.

Cole, you look very, very focused.

Very intense.

Are you prepared to face death on the mountain?

Your camera's going to make us crash.

Jesus, man!

I'm going to chop off your arm, you crazy driver.

In the front, we have hot Robyn with hot coffee...

and at her side, Miss Kimberly Van Arx...

beautiful, sexy, rich.

So tell me, Miss Van Arx, how does a college co-ed...

come to be the owner of a private ski resort?

Well, you see, it's not exactly private.

It's more along the lines of closed.

We're just going to go up there and check it out...

and Daddy's company is going to develop...

twenty jillion vertical feet of virgin powder.

That's what I'm talking about.

Robyn could use a blizzard with that shit.

Yeah? Bite me.

Oh, don't listen to her, baby. I respect you.

Out of my face, dweeb.

You hit me.

Oh! God! Pull over!

Live, on tape, the world's sloppiest home videos.

"When Good Coffee Goes Bad."

Pull over, please.

Let me out.

There's nothing like seeing a beautiful pack of women...

visiting the watering hole.

Take this. Document everything.

Oh, right.

I'm going to film my pee so you can sell it on the internet.

She wants me.

Pubic flosser.

What? Dude, she will be mine.

Carpet muncher.

What, like bi?

Pike? Dyke. Pike-dyke.

Come on, she's not gay.

You don't know that.

Whatever, she's waiting for the right man.

Who? You?

The world's oldest living virgin?

I'm saving myself.

Yeah, for a farm animal.

Darn! It's not coming out!

You can get a new one.

Honey, the sweater's from Paris...

not some downtown discount store like Ugly Clothes...

For the Sheep or Hillbillies of California.

You are starring in Skyler's next wet dream...

"Secrets of the Ladies Room."

Here it is, Skyler.

As close to the real thing as you're ever going to get.

Kimberly, do a striptease for Cole...

or are you still making him beg for it?

Now why would I stop?

It's kind of nice having my own little puppy.

You know he won't always be satisfied...

with just humping your leg.

Cole's not really my breed, you know?

Maybe I'll just have him fixed.

What do you want?

This week? Chad.

Chad Charnley.

He's meeting us at the lodge.

Can we share?

How much longer to this ancient ski hole anyway?

I don't know.

On the map, it's about seventy miles up the road or so.

Hello.

Skirt: Symbol for the ladies room.

Where the door is always open.

Well, in my country, men and women share the toilet.

That's OK. Where are you from?

I am from Europe.

Christophe.

And I am Robyn.

You are getting all wet.

You can tell?

Oh, no way. Oh, shit.

Forget it.

He could be some psycho killer, for Christ's sake.

Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Shit.

Nice.

Hurry up!

You drive like my grandmother.

What's this idiot doing?

Blow past him dude! Come on!

Learn to drive, asshole!

Hey, knock it off, dude!

You trying to get us killed?

Like he can catch us!

Just get back in the car!

Asshole!

"Operated by Olympic champion skier Buddy Williams...

"his wife, and two daughters...

"Rocky Summit is one of the last family-owned ski resorts...

"in North America.

"As friendly as it is quaint."

More like as unfriendly as it is haunted.

I think your little guide book...

might be a little bit out of date.

Don't you have the key?

We haven't exactly bought it yet.

But you can still get us in, right?

Sure.

Local boarders only.

Yo, wait! Kirk!

Come and get me.

Are you all right?

I am cool.

I just saw something.

Hey! Hey, wait! Baby!

Don't break in without it.

Whose stuff is that on the porch?

It's freezing in here.

I'll make a fire, I guess.

She was so hot, and she skied like a pro.

This place is abandoned, man.

She's either a local or a ghost...

and either way, she's not begging to blow you.

Downhill phantom.

Whatever, dude.

I saw her, and she was skiing, and I'm not making it up.

Hey, how many boards do you need exactly?

These are pro samples, dude.

If a company can put Kirk's name on one of these babies...

it, like, doubles the value.

Firestone.

Weren't those things recalled, bro?

Inca. Respect.

It's not the board that counts, man.

It's the rider.

Hey, chill out. He's just giving you shit, dude.

Kirk is like the master of all this pro crap.

Do you know that this man right here...

took the silver medal at the Shasta Games?

You are God!

Wasn't there, like, a urine test for substance abuse?

Cleanpee. Com.

And he's also up for the Olympics, man.

There's only one guy standing in your way.

Charnley. Chad Charnley.

Have you seen him? His stuff's here...

but I guess he's still boarding.

No way.

Just a little healthy competition...

for a second-place medalist.

Don't let that affect you, dude.

You are going to kick Chad's ass in slow motion...

like a John Woo movie, with the doves and the church...

and the two guns and all the blood.

Oh, my God! Dude!

We have a serious flaw in your social planning here.

There is an immediate beer run required...

to ensure the survival of our species.

Since you're going, don't you think you might need...

some, like, food or something?

You're a sweetheart.

You know, chips or something.

Christian, you want to ride to town with us?

No, no, you go ahead.

I'll stay here, look around...

keep the ladies warm.

Weekend alone in the mountains, priceless.

98.74.

For everything else, there's my credit card.

You fellas ain't heading up to Rocky Summit, now, are you?

No, sir.