Punch-Drunk Love

-Yes, I'm still on hold. -And what was this?

I'm looking at your advertisement for the airline giveaway.

Our frequent flyer plan.

It's hard to understand because it says, "In addition to"...

...but I can't understand in addition to what? There's nothing to add it to.

I think that's a typo, then.

Okay, so just to clarify, I'm sorry...

...10 purchases of Healthy Choice products equals 500 miles.

And with the coupon, the same purchases value 1 000 miles?

That's it.

Do you realize that the monetary value of this prize...

...is potentially worth more than the purchases?

I don't know.

Could I call you back? Could I ask you your extension and name?

It's extension 215, and the name is Carter.

Carter. Thank you very much, Carter.

-All right. -Bye-bye.

-I'm not sure what that means. -If they break, is it plastic?

It's plastic, yeah.

But that kind of breakage shouldn't be a problem in the shipping room.

I'm gonna run the numbers. I'll give you a call.

-You have my home phone number? -What's that for?

If you wanted to call me.

I'm fine. I have your work number.

Because of the time difference, if you needed to reach me earlier--

No, it's fine. I can just get you at your office.

-Okay. -Okay.

-All right. -Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

-Hi. Do you work at the mechanic? -No.

-They're not open yet. -They don't get open until 8:00.

Is it okay if I leave my car, you think?

I don't know. I don't know.

I thought they opened at 7.

If I left my car, would it be okay?

See, I don't know how they do it.

-Do you know them? -Not very well.

Could I trust to leave my key with you...

...so when they get here, you could give it to them?

Okay, sure.

-You think it's okay where I've left it? -It'll be fine. I can watch it.

-Thanks a lot. -I'll keep an eye on it.

-There's a piano in the street. -Yeah.

Maybe I'll see you later. Thank you for your help.

Thank you.

-Maybe I'll see you later. -Okay.

Morning, Barry.

-You okay? -Yes.

-Why are you wearing a suit? -I bought one.

I thought it'd be nice to get dressed for work, and I'm not sure why.

-May I please show you something? -Sure.

What's this?

I believe this is a small piano.

It's not a piano. I got a piano at home.

Where did you get it?

It was dropped in the street.

Why is it here?

Barry?

Barry?

Morning, Barry.

I don't know.

Great product.

I have to make sure I don't end up with extra inventory.

Can you guarantee all your sales?

We back our fungers 100%. We ask for a 30-60 day display on the floor.

Barry, your sister's on line one. Barry, your sister's on line one.

I don't think they'll be out that long. I guarantee that.

Let me just get this, this is my sister.

It's not a problem.

-This is Barry. -It's Rhonda.

-Are you going to this party tonight? -Yes, I am.

-All right, fine. Bye. -Bye-bye. I'll see you tonight.

Sorry about that.

We've received a large order from the Rio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.

We will be supplying their bathrooms with the dice and money funger.

So these babies are really flying.

Barry, your sister's on line two. Barry, your sister's on line two.

With the aquablast, little zippers, whales and speedboats...

...we ask the display be at eye level.

-Barry. -Let me just get that.

You know, you can also color-coordinate these fungers.

-This is Barry. -What are you doing?

I have customers. I can't chat now.

Chat? Did you just say "chat"?

-Yeah, I can't talk-- -You just fucking said "chat."

What are you now? Chat.

I'm calling to make sure you show up at this party.

-I'll be there. -Okay, fine.

Then go back to chatting with your customers, you phony, chatty shit.

All right, thank you.

Sorry about that.

-I didn't know you had a sister. -I do.

I wanted to tell you about the new fungers.

We've been working on this, and we have a nonbreakable handle, finally.

Let me demonstrate for you.

Okay, this was one of the old ones. Do we have a new one around, Lance?

Sorry about that. That's a little embarrassing.

Barry, your sister's on line four.

-So how many sisters do you have? -I have seven.

Yes.

They're calling me because they're having a party tonight.

I'll be two more minutes, okay?

-This is Barry. -What are you doing?

Kathleen. I'm working.

-You going to the party? -Yes.

-What are you doing? -I'm working.

Yeah, but what are you doing?

I'm talking on the phone, standing.

-What time you gonna be there? -7.

-You can't be late. I'm serious. -I won't.

You can't not show up like you do. You have to go. Seriously.

-You can't just stay in your house. -All right.

-I'll see you there? Don't puss out. -See you there. Okay.

Is her car going to be okay?

-It's fine. -Thanks.

Barry, it's your sister.

-Hi. How are you? -Hey, Elizabeth.

-How's it going? -Great.

-Stopped by to say hello. -Terrific.

-So you're going tonight? -Yes.

-Cool. -You're going?

Yes. I came by to talk to you about something in particular.

There's this friend of mine who's really cute, and I want you to meet her.

I was thinking about bringing her tonight. What do you think?

Yeah, I don't wanna do that.

-Why? -I just don't do stuff like that.

Well, you don't really do anything.

Everybody would be looking at me.

What's wrong with looking? It's a free country.

I just feel like I'd be a little tense, and I don't think I'd act like myself.

Well, that's kind of your fault.

There's an outside chance I'm not even coming tonight.

Really? Didn't you tell everybody you were coming?

I have to renew my gym membership.

Right. God, well, that solves everything, actually.

If you're not coming, then I can bring her. It's not a big deal.

Well, it'll be fine. Great.

-Please don't-- -I'm just trying to be your friend.

I hope you can make it.

Remember when Barry used to get all mad?

Because Rhonda used to call him "Gay Boy" all the time.

-That's right. -Remember the sliding glass door?

He threw that hammer through the door.

He got glass in his foot. Mom took him to the hospital.

He came home and locked himself in the bathroom with the hammer.

-Hey, there he is. -Hi.

We were talking about you. Remember when we used to call you Gay Boy?

-What? -We called you Gay Boy.

We'd call you Gay Boy, and you'd just freak out.

You got so mad, you threw the hammer through the glass door.

-You remember. -I don't.

Yes, you do. We were calling you Gay Boy, and you got mad.

Are you gay now?

I don't know.

We were trying to figure out why you had a hammer.

-Why are you wearing that suit? -I don't know.

-I like his suit. -Thank you.

-Are you using that dandruff shampoo? -Yes.

-You are? -Barry?

-Why did you have the hammer? -Why did I have the hammer?

-He was building a doghouse. -Okay, Rhonda.

-Happy birthday. -Thanks for coming.

-A cake. We have a cake. -You got a cake.

Hey, I was just thinking about you. Glad you could make it.

-Mr. Chatty. Hi, Mr. Chatty. -You have rice in your hair.

Say hello to your brother-in-laws.

-Hey, Barry, how you doing? -How you doing, pal?

-Good to see you. -Saw your car. Snazzy.

-Hey, Barry, how you doing? -I'm sorry!

-How you doing? -How is it going?

How's work?

-Business is very food, thank you. -What's very food?

-What's that? -You just said "very food."

I'm sorry, I meant to say "very good."

Maybe you said "food" because you're hungry.

-You know, you want to eat. -That makes sense.

Is your friend here?

No. You're off the hook. She couldn't make it.

Thank you.

-You nervous? -No.

-You look nervous. -I feel very happy.

Good. Did you get your gym membership?

Tomorrow.

I had a girl I was gonna bring for Barry. He wouldn't let me do it.

I had this girl to bring for him. She's awesome. We work together.

-He said he couldn't be himself. -Gay Boy, it's time to eat.

-Who's he going to be? -I don't know.

He's worried we'll give him a bunch of shit.

He said he wouldn't come if I brought her.

He's an asshole. Why do you listen to him?

I don't know. I was gonna bring her. It would've been totally casual.

Look at him.

-What the fuck is your problem? -You fucking retard, Barry!

I'm sorry about that. Sorry about what I did.

It's all right.

I wanted to ask you something because you're a doctor, right?

Yeah.

I don't like myself sometimes.

Can you help me?

Barry, I'm a dentist. What kind of help do you think I can give you?