Spiderhead

Okay, Ray,

you are an incarcerated volunteer in the Spiderhead clinical trial program.

Before we begin, I need your permission to administer G-46.

- Drip on? - Acknowledge.

What was the ghost's favorite fruit?

Boo-berry.

No shit, that's funny.

What did the magician say to the fisherman?

Pick a cod, any cod.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.

All right, Ray, Ray, these next ones aren't jokes, more just facts, okay?

Oh, yeah?

In the 1994 genocide in Rwanda, over 800,000 people died.

You are serving…

You're serving four consecutive life sentences

without the possibility of parole.

Ray, thank you. You're free to cruise, buddy.

Another beautiful morning, friends,

time to rise and really shine.

As volunteers in the Spiderhead Penitentiary and Research Center…

…you must do your part and practice the golden rules,

no abuse, physical, verbal, or otherwise and label your food in the fridge.

Jeff, please report to the dock for remote field testing.

Okay, Jeff, we have a new compound for you today.

- Drip on? - If it's N-31.

Hilarious, N-40. Acknowledge?

Acknowledge.

Yeah, whenever you're ready, Jeff.

It's really nice.

Oh, boy. Okay if we pep up your language centers, Jeff?

Drip on?

- Sure. - Acknowledge?

Oh, sorry. Yeah, acknowledge.

Whoa.

Hey, sorry, I'm late.

Party's here.

- Such a creep. -

- Where you been? - Field trip.

Oh, right, your phone call with Emma.

No, uh, drug study.

N-40, I think.

They have everyone on these field trips but me.

You're still new.

I'm not that new. You know, I'd love some sunshine.

Can I help you with the…

Nectarines and prosciutto?

What you gonna help with? I'm done. You're late.

Open up.

Enjoy that. Get it all.

- Yeah. - It's really good.

- Good, right? - I hope they keep you on snack.

I always said they wasted your talents on janitorial.

Don't be too sure about that. I've got a bit of a scrub fetish.

- Okay. - Hey…

- Did you notice we kinda... - Finish each other's sentences?

I was gonna say, need new bowls.

Uh…

So, how was the N-40?

Flowers didn't grow…

They were sculpted. Painted.

I mean, I would tell you about it, but I'm just coming down off the...

- Verbaluce. - Yeah.

That tip-of-the-tongue feeling when you can't find the right word

and you feel like you'll never find the right word again?

Yeah.

Well, you're cute when you're stupid.

Okay, but it sucks because today was the day that…

There was something that I was gonna tell you today, Lizzy.

Okay, well, we got time.

Yes, we do.

All we've got is time.

Okay.

What you know about this?

You know nothing about this.

So, to sum up…

I love it.

It's beautiful.

- Where do you wanna take me? - Hmm.

What about that island, you know, the one where they make water?

Fiji?

Fiji.

- I'll take you to Fiji. - Thank you.

Just need a little money.

Can we go to Mark's? For his birthday?

It was Tuesday, but he's a celebrate-all-week motherfucker. Please?

Gotta ask the boss.

You two go have fun. I'm gonna stay here. Okay?

- Miss you. - Miss you more.

You cool to drive?

Ice cold.

Whoo!

Oh, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff!

Jeff!

Sorry, I'm late, Mr. Abnesti.

I'm gonna retire the day you call me Steve.

Not late at all.

Heather, on the other hand…

Yeah, speak of the devil.

Sorry.

All right.

Oh, how rude of me. Jeff, Heather. Heather, Jeff.

For the record, either prior to or during your incarceration here at Spiderhead,

have you two ever spoken?

- No. - No.

Ever interacted in any way?

Did I not just say no?

No.

So, what do you think?

Who are you asking?

I'm asking both of you. Let's start with Jeff.

Yeah, she seems nice.

You like that word, but no, I mean, how attractive is she?

What, Steve, you can't see it for yourself?

Can you shut up, please? I'm asking Jeff. How's she looking?

Come on, man.

- A scale of one to ten? - Um…

Yeah, she's a seven and a half.

And, Heather?

He's all right. A five on a good day.

- Did you give her Honest-Ease? -

No, I would have to ask. You know.

I'm just kind of a bitch.

Oh.

Well, then I would like to change my vote to an eight.

All right, uh, Jeff, Heather,