The Benchwarmers

Throw it here.

Come on, Nelson, throw it in here!

Yeah! You almost had it! I get one more?

Strike three!

Here comes Gretchen with the...

Come on, Gretchen. Over here.

Here you go. There it is.

Gretchen, you almost had it.

Dang it. Nice throw.

It's all right. I got a ladder. I'll get it.

Actually, just tell Mrs. Donnelly it's on the roof.

And she can get it whenever she wants.

Oh, That's good thinking, Clark.

I'll just have 80-year-old Mrs. Donnelly

climb on her roof to get her paper.

Okay, cool. Thanks.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Clark. Hey.

Y... I was kidding. You can't do that.

All right, fine.

Here, give her one of these.

This is yesterday's paper.

Well, at least it's not on the roof.

Clark, don't pick your nose in front of me, please.

I'm not picking, I'm scratching.

What are you scratching, your brain?

Yeah, because it's huge.

Aw! Chain break! Not now.

I have 86 houses left.

Can you fix it?

Gus, what should I do with this?

Uh, I'd flick it.

Nelson leans in and gets his sign.

Here comes a fastball.

Swing and a huge miss

by Gretchen Peterson.

Hey, losers.

We have a practice scheduled here.

You gotta go.

I thought your practice was at 4:30.

It is. But we wanna have a practice before our practice.

Oh, okay.

Can we hit with you?

No, you suck.

Why don't you go home and

build your science projects.

Look, there's room for all of us.

W-we'll just play catch off to the side.

Listen.

We have a game tomorrow,

and there's only one field to practice on.

So... beat it!

Maybe this is a sign you should get a car.

My mother said I should hold off

getting my license for one more year.

You know...

just to make sure my reflexes are fully developed.

Stop it! Hold him, Kyle.

Troy, I think he wants some of your famous beef stew.

- Beef stew! Beef stew! - Stop it!

Beef stew! Beef stew! Beef stew! Beef stew!

No, no, no, no.

No. Stop it.

Oh!

Hey! Get off him!

Later, fart face.

Yeah, you'd better run.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Do you need us to call your parents or something?

It actually...

didn't taste as bad as you'd think.

Nelson, wait! Let's just go to my house!

Oh, I love beef stew.

Why do kids have to be so fricking cruel?

You know, I haven't been on an actual field

in almost 20 years.

I've never even been on a field.

If I tried, the kids in my neighborhood

would spit loogies on my forehead.

That's awful, Clark.

Baseball's America's pastime.

That's like saying you've never had apple pie.

You've never had apple pie?

Well, my mom said it would give me diarrhea.

That's ridiculous.

You have to try it at least once.

Diarrhea?

No. Baseball. It's the best.

Hey. Let's come back here later and hit some balls.

Uh. Can I bring Richie?

He's never played either.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, bring Richie. Let's say 4:00.

All right.

Hold on.

My mom's sending me a text message.

No way!

We're having macaroni tonight!

That means garlic bread. Yes!

Awesome.

Excuse me.

Yeah?

I rented this movie on your recommendation,

and it's nothing but a lame story with lesbian sex scenes.

And you didn't like it?

I watched it with my parents. It was very uncomfortable.

Come on. It's kind of hot.

No, it's not.

All right, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna recommend this: Haunted Slumber Party.

It's actually a pretty decent film.

No lesbian sex scenes?

I think there's two. You're a pig.

Hey, Richie, are you off yet?

Uh, easy. I can't leave this second, Clark, all right.

I don't get to work for an hour a day

like you, paperboy.

Gus wants us to hit some baseballs with him.

Clark, we don't play baseball.

I told Gus we'd be there, Richie.

And if we don't go, that makes me a liar.

And that's not what I'm about.

Not now, not ever.

All right, Daytime Emmy.

Hey, Marty, I'm gonna split early, all right?

I don't even know who you are.

Bros before ho's, dude.

Hey, Liz, honey,

do you know where I packed my baseball mitt?

No idea.

Hey, Gus, if we conceive this month,

we would have the baby in January.

Wouldn't it be fun to have a New Year's baby?

I can't find it.

January also has a higher percentage of it being a girl.

I found it.

I found it.

I found my mitt, Liz. It was in the old trunk.

Be serious. This is important.

My ovulation peaks at 6:00 tonight.

All right, honey. I love you. I'll see you later.

I gotta run. Remember, Gus, 6:00.

Ahh.

You gotta keep your eye on the ball.

Oh, you just think of that? You're an amazing coach.

Just focus.

You'll be fine. Just watch me.

With this vest, it's hard to swing.

It's tight, you know.

Quit picking your nose, Clark.

Let's go.

Look alive! Coming to you.

Ow.

You just lost your membership at Video Spot!

Dang it.

Hey, mister. We have this field reserved.

You and your friend were the ones

picking on that kid today.

So? You douche bags have to get off this field.

Where's your coach?

None of your business.

We have practice here,

so go, ho!

Hey, well, no coach, no field. Sorry.

Leave our field, or you'll pay the consequences!

What is this, Children of the Corn?

I... I'm gonna call the cops.

We are cops. We're Navy SEALs.

Navy SEALs aren't cops. Aren't you our paperboy?

I'm undercover.

All right, you cocky jerks, you want the field so bad?

We'll play you for it.

But there are nine of us

and three of you.

So you should beat us no problem.

What are you, scared? No.

Yeah, chicken.

I'm gonna go ask our team.

This is a bad idea. They look tough.

I saw that demon boy laying beef

in some nice kid's mouth earlier today.

Heh-heh. Clark used to get beef

laid in his face all the time.

Oh, and you didn't?

I got wedgies. That's different.

It's cooler.

We'll do it.

Time to meet your makers.

Makers of what? Poop?

Coming down!

Ball's in.

Don't worry, you'll be fine.

Get your position down.

Troy, strike this loser out.

- Strike! - Nice one, Troy.

Don't swing if it's not in the strike zone.

Where's the strike zone?

Strike two!

- Right there. - Nice. Two strikes.

Strike. Three, you're out!

- Three. - What did you expect? Yeah.